WCW Monday Nitro - October 25, 1999

• Jim D. thanks the new booking team:

  Actually, I was going to pay $60 for the Mysterio baseball jersey. But looking back at Nitro, I decided I should just beat up someone who already has it, and steal his instead! As an added bonus, I get to take their shoes, their jacket, their watch, and their cash, too! Thanks, Vince and Ed! [Gives thumbs up.]

• Nick has a new name for WCW's infamous heat machine:

  Ok, about the heat machine as you call it. Lets call it the furnace. That's a real heat machine. ;-)

• Sting walks out with a mic.
• Someone managed to sneak a "WCW Sux" sign in tonight. I give it 20 minutes before the fascist security confiscates it.
• Sting has a message for J. J. Dillon.
• Sting has heard a lot of talk in the dressing room that he doesn't like.
• Sting says last night he came out for a fight.
• Sting wants to talk to Dillon right now in the ring.
• Dillon makes his way out.
• Sting says to Dillon that he wrestled Goldberg last night in Las Vegas.
• Sting says last night he was trying to bail WCW out of a lousy situation because he came to defend his title against Hulk Hogan.
• Sting came to Vegas for a fight and got one.
• Sting says he never said anything about the World title being up for grabs.
• Sting wants his World title back right now.
• Dillon agrees with Sting on the matter. Apparently, the Goldberg match wasn't sanctioned and he is not the WCW World Champion... but neither is Sting!
• Sting asks Dillon what he is trying to say.
• Dillon says that Sting was stripped of the title due to attacking the referee in that match.
• Starting tonight, there will be a 32-man tournament for the World title. Sting gets one of those spots.
• Dillon says he is only the messenger.
• Sting tells Dillon to give the people in the back this message -- a punch to the gut.
• A Stinger splash and Scorpion Deathlock follow until Goldberg makes the save.
• The two men exchange blows until the crack security breaks the two up.

• Bret Hart vs. Goldberg
• Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero
• Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Norman Smiley
• Kidman vs. Konnan
• TP vs. Rick Steiner
• Diamond Dallas Page vs. David Flair
• Madusa vs. ???
• Brian Knobbs vs. Sting

• Tenay talks about Smiley's opponent tonight.
• Smiley thought that his match last week was amusing.
• Smiley speaks positively about Bigelow but says he's tougher than a two-dollar steak.
• Smiley then talks about the SMBU.

• This is our match of the week.
• As Smiley walks out, he looks kind of frightened.
• Bigelow says that since Smiley is a scientific wrestler, that he scientifically challenged him to a hardcore match.
• Bigelow throws some weapons into the ring.
• Smiley hides behind Nick Patrick.
• As Smiley picks up a garbage can, he gets levelled with a broom.
• Bigelow whacks Smiley with a trash-can lid.
• Smiley begs off in the corner.
• Bigelow follows with a kick and a shot with a garbage can.
• Bigelow puts the trash can on Smiley's head.
• Bigelow and Smiley walk into each other, with Smiley falling on top of a prone Bigelow.
• Smiley gets cocky and hits the SMBU.
• Smiley then covers Bigelow for the win!
• YOUR WINNER: Norman Smiley via pinfall in 1:22.

• Nash says that he's retired and can't work.
• Hall has to wait until the top of the hour before he can comment.
• Hall tells Mike Graham that he has a lot of bosses but Graham isn't one of them.

• Torrie Wilson is looking rather sparkly.
  
• Kidman takes camcorder shots of Torrie's bum as well as the crowd.
• Eddie gets a mic.
• Eddie says no matter how many times WCW books the Animals against each other, they'll never be broken up.
• Eddie says at Halloween Havoc the Animals came, saw and definitely kicked Ric Flair's ass.
• Kidman says for the crowd to watch the videotape.
• Said footage is somewhere out in the rough. The Animals carry Flair to a sandlot and bury him in dirt.
• More mocking of Flair follows.
• Kidman says that old man Flair isn't coming back.
• Kidman proclaims that Harlem Heat is next.
• Kidman says they have no respect, no remorse and basically they don't give a...
• Mysterio covers Kidman's mouth before the dirty word and says to watch it because it's family hour.
• Mysterio then says something that gets bleeped out.
• Konnan: "When the Filthy Animals are in Heat, someone is dead meat, so snack on that."
• Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn run-in and lay waste to the Animals with pieces of iron, with Torrie backing away out of the ring.
• Shane Douglas stands next to Torrie with a big grin.
• Asya then comes up behind Torrie, grabs her and takes her to the back.
• I'm confused. The Animals are establishing themselves as the heels, yet get punked heelishly by the Revolution. Make up your minds, people!

• Hennig talks about the powers-to-be trying to get rid of the old guys.
• Apparently, if Hennig gets pinned, he's gone according to said powers-to-be.
• Hennig rambles some more, then leaves.

• Hennig comes out with "I Hate Rap" as his music, but in wrestling garb.
• Lash LeRoux comes out to job.
• Hennig opens up on Lash to start.
• Hennig whips Lash cross-corner and gives him a punch.
• Hennig does a biel and a cover for two.
• Lash reverses a whip but gets kicked.
• Disco Inferno comes to ringside at the announcer's booth.
• Hennig rams Lash into the announcer's desk.
• Disco praises Lash as Hennig beats him up some more.
• A chop sends Lash down.
• They go back in.
• Hennig kneelift sends Lash to the mat for two.
• Hennig with a slap to the face.
• Lash to the corner, but he gets in a headscissors off a floatover.
• Two dropkicks, two punches, Bourbon Street Blues, Hennig ducks a punch, Lash goes behind.
• Hennig goes to the corner and runs into a Lash fireman's carry.
• Hennig intentionally hits the referee for the DQ.
• YOUR WINNER: Lash LeRoux via DQ in 2:25.
• Hennig gets a chair from ringside and smacks Lash around some.
• Disco comes in to check on Lash and gets chaired himself.

• More Nitro Girl contest talk.
• Fyre goes for some Phoenix cheap heat.
• They show the clips for tonight's two finalists, who I refuse to dignify. Oh, both are cute and all, but this doesn't belong on a wrestling show. I don't care if this is sports entertainment or not, just keep this filler off my screen.
• Mean Gene says you can jack off to, err vote tonight on WCW.com.
• Generic rock music brings out Jeff "Women Hater? Me?" Jarrett.
• Jarrett: "Back up girls, or I'll stroke each and every one of ya."
• Jarrett tells Kimberly to get the hell out of here.
• Jarrett says the tournament is a big work. There goes the smart terms, sheesh.
• Jarrett says the crowd is looking at the next world champion.
• Jarrett says you can bet all your stock options on it.
• Jarrett tells Total Package unless he wants to take the next Lex Express out of town, he needs to apologize.
• Jarrett says that he didn't hit Elizabeth and doesn't like being accused.
• Jarrett tells TP to take matters to the new powers that be.

• I'm calling a Filthy Animal run-in right now.
• Even if he wasn't wrestling Eddie.
• Saturn gets a mic and says if the Animals punk him, they won't see Torrie again.
• Saturn says it's between him and Eddie.
• Saturn tells the Animals to hit the bricks.
• With that, Eddie attacks Saturn from behind.
• Eddie places Saturn near the apron and slingshots on his leg.
• Eddie re-enters the ring and kicks Saturn.
• Loud "Eddie Sucks" chant.
• Eddie ties Saturn's leg to the rope with his rib bandage, goes to the ropes and kicks his leg.
• Saturn gets a hot-shot in on the ropes.
• Saturn with a gutwrench gutbuster.
• Saturn applies an abdominal stretch.
• Saturn whips Eddie, who tries an abdominal stretch, but Saturn counters with a suplex.
• Saturn whips Eddie, who floats over.
• Saturn blocks a German suplex and gives Eddie a front suplex on the top rope.
• Saturn follows with a flying clothesline from the top turnbuckle!
• Outside, Saturn gets sent to the safety rail.
• Saturn picks up Eddie and drops him on the rail.
• David Flair comes out with a crowbar.
• David whacks Eddie's ribs and tosses him back in.
• Saturn applies the Rings of Saturn for the victory.
• YOUR WINNER: Perry Saturn via Rings of Saturn in 3:40.
• Post-match, Saturn runs like hell to the arena stairs as the Animals hit the ring.

• Nash hugs a female at ringside.
• Hall acts choked up before giving his "Hey, yo."
• Hall says that his new bosses from up north can't have a wrestling show without the Outsiders.
• Hall says that even though he and Nash have been partying in Vegas, they don't miss any parties, even in Nash's hometown of Phoenix.
• Hall hands the mic to Nash.
• Nash goes for the cheap heat and connects.
• Nash says that the guys in back can make the horn-yackers do whatever they're told, but no one tells the Outsiders what to do.
• As Nash speaks to the censors, Goldberg yells from the stands.
• Goldberg asks if they want to screw with him.
• Goldberg mentions being jumped while his back was turned.
• Goldberg tells the Outsiders that he hopes they eyes in the back of their heads.
• Goldberg says that the Outsiders are next.

• To the idiot pointing the laser device at Savage -- enough. You're not cool.
• Damn, George is looking hot.
• Savage refers to Russo and the guys in the back as vultures.
• Savage says that he's not going to make an ass out of himself.
• Savage notes George is right about one thing -- he's well hung. Gee, thanks, I really wanted to note that.
• Savage says that he cannot be punked out like Hogan and Flair.
• Savage goes for the family entertainment value by saying he's not a punk [MUTE].
• Savage says he's been better than the best for a long time and he's too rich to be punked out.
• Savage talks about his title victories in the Big Two.
• Savage talks about passing the torch. Oh, please don't let this be the return of "The Genius" Lanny Poffo.
• Savage says this person will win world titles and have record breaking ratings.
• Savage says that they [WCW] need him and he doesn't need them.

• Nice wrinkles, Deb.
• They show us Madusa losing the Evening Gown match last week.
• Her opponent -- MENG!
• This should be fun.
• Meng has the "El Dandy" look going on tonight.
• Madusa with the GIRLY PUNCHES OF DEATH to start.
• Meng no-sells some kicks.
  
• Meng begins stalking Madusa.
• Meng stares on Madusa's boobies and gets an eye poke.
• Madusa goes up top but Meng catches her.
• Meng mounts Madusa on the turnbuckle and gets slapped.
• Missile dropkick doesn't faze Meng.
• Meng is just no-selling EVERYTHING here.
• Tip -- go for the jimmy.
• Madusa is fighting scared now.
• Meng grabs Madusa's leg on a kick and barely sells an enziguri.
• Meng signals for the Tongan Death Grip but Madusa backs away.
• Madusa then jumps piggyback on Meng but gets dumped off.
  
• Meng locks on the Grip for the win.
  
• YOUR WINNER: Meng via Tongan Death Grip in 2:34.
• First Konnan, then Madusa. MENG RULES!
• Post-match, Evan Karagias comes to the ring and helps Madusa out, because he's supposed to be a nice guy and all.
• A shirtless Dean Malenko walks to the ring with a mic.
• Malenko asks Benoit if he wants to even the score.
• Malenko challenges Benoit to a "last man standing" match.

• Oh, kill me now.
• Luger opens up on Steiner's back to start.
• Luger with some kicks.
• Jeff Jarrett and his guee-tar walks out.
• Steiner has the upper hand.
• As Steiner covers for two, Jarrett goes to the booth.
• Steiner rams Luger into the turnbuckle.
• Steiner whips Luger into a back elbow.
• Jarrett confronts Liz, who tries to run away.
• Liz trips, prompting Luger to stand behind Jarrett.
• Steiner follows outside.
• Jarrett swings at Luger but hits Steiner.
• As Luger consoles Liz, Steiner walks to the back, forgetting to sell the guitar shot to the head.
• Luger tries to help Liz up, but realizes he has to beat the ten-count, so he does.
• YOUR WINNER: The Total Package via count-out in 2:59.
• Post-match, Liz and Luger tease dissention.
• Yes, I meant to refer to TP as Luger.

• Kidman looks like he doesn't want to be out here.
• Konnan comes out, with more confidence than his opponent showed.
• Kidman and Konnan shake hands.
• Konnan with a snapmare and a seated dropkick.
• They trade rights.
• Konnan reverses a whip and hits the rolling clothesline.
• Konnan whips Kidman into the mule kick.
• Konnan tries a facebuster but Kidman reverses into a powerbomb for two.
• Kidman accidentally spears the ref.
• This prompts Harlem Heat to run-in and beat the Animals down.
• Stevie Ray gives Konnan the slapjack!
• Eddie and Rey make their way out.
• Rey gets slammed onto the rail.
• Kidman covers Konnan for the quick pin.
• YOUR WINNER: Kidman via pinfall in 1:52.
• Post match, Konnan and Kidman tease dissension.
• Eddie gets a mic and says that the fight isn't with the Animals, but with "them."
• Konnan talks smack to the Heat.
• Konnan tells the Heat to put the tag team titles on the line.

• Buff says the reason he came to Phoenix is he's gonna break all the rules.
• Buff says he's going to take every little thing that was sacred about this business and relieve himself over it.
• Buff says he will not job to anyone anymore.
• Buff: "You mess with Buff and you get the stuff."
• Buff makes mention to the "two idiots in the back writing this crap."
• Two bald guys, rumored to be the Harris Brothers (Skull and 8-Ball from the WWF) walk to the ring.
  
• One of the brothers says he represents the two idiots in the back.
• The brothers assault Buff, give him a press slam and deliver a mudhole stomp.
• I swore Vince Russo learned from Eric Bischoff not to inject himself in angles, but I guess I was wrong.

• This should make match of the night here if they keep the run-ins to a dead minimum.
• Malenko gets almost NO HEAT coming out.
• They brawl to start.
• Malenko kicks Benoit in the corner until a kick to the groin turns the tide.
• They tumble outside the ring.
• It should be noted that Benoit and Malenko are in jeans and cowboy boots (or sneakers in Malenko's case).
• Benoit gets sent to the rail.
• Malenko brings Benoit inside.
• Benoit reverses a whip to the corner, baseball slides to the outside and trips Malenko.
• Benoit wishbones Malenko into the post.
• Back inside, Benoit whips Malenko into the corner and delivers an inverted atomic drop.
• Benoit lands a chop.
• Benoit stomps away in the corner.
• A loud chop by Benoit.
• Kick in the gut.
• And another.
• Benoit whips Malenko cross-corner and mounts him on the turnbuckle.
• Benoit applies a super backdrop suplex.
• Charles Robinson begins the ten-count.
• They get up at seven.
• Benoit with the rolling German suplexes, but Malenko blocks the third by holding the ropes.
• Malenko with a mule kick to the crotch.
• Malenko suplexes Benoit out of the ring.
• Malenko with a baseball slide dropkick, sending Benoit to the rail.
• Malenko's just beating the hell out of Benoit.
• Malenko tosses Benoit into the stairs.
• Malenko dropkicks the steel steps onto Benoit's kidneys.
• Malenko with the SPIT OF BACTERIAL CONTAMINATION!
• They re-enter the ring.
• Malenko talks some trash to loud boos.
• Benoit flips out of a suplex and hits a backdrop suplex.
• Benoit with the snot blow. Malenko even SELLS IT!
• Benoit whips Malenko but telegraphs the back bodydrop.
• Double-clothesline leads to a count, with the fans counting along.
• As Robinson counts ten, Benoit and Malenko get up, but only Benoit beats the count.
• YOUR WINNER: Chris Benoit in 7:00.
• The Filthy Animals run-in and stare down Benoit.
• Benoit sidesteps the Animals as they give Malenko a mudhole stomp.
• Shane Douglas and Asya walk out with Torrie.
• We see Perry Saturn Douglas tells the Animals to step back from Malenko or Asya will take Torrie out.
  
• Douglas asks the Animals if they will go with their instinct and kick Malenko's ass.
• Malenko walks out of the ring as Douglas tells the Animals to stay put.
• The Animals talk strategy and step out of the ring.
• Despite Douglas' commands, the Animals give chase.

• If this were the WWF, the appropriate song for Knobbs would be "No Chance in Hell."
• The heel Sting gets a big face pop.
• As Nick Patrick tends with the Family contingent, Sting beats the hell out of Knobbs with the bat.
• Patrick turns his attention to the ring, and Sting covers for the quick win.
• YOUR WINNER: Sting in 0:13.

• Apparently, Hart has a hairline fracture.
• Hart says he's waited forever to get a title shot.
• Hart wants to prove that he's not a quitter.
• Hart says he'll take any chance he can get to be world champion.
• Hart says he'll give Goldberg a fight.
• I wonder if Goldberg remembers the incident in Toronto where Hart loaded a steel plate in his chest to deflect his spear.

• Booker T is back to his usual wrestling pants.
• Kidman and Konnan talk strategy coming down the aisle.
• Konnan with the CATCHPHRASES OF DOOM.
• It will be Stevie Ray and Konnan to start.
• Stevie kicks the hell out of Konnan and lays boots to Kidman on the apron.
• Kidman gets knocked off the apron again.
• Stevie with a back elbow.
• Stevie slams Konnan.
• Stevie whips Konnan, who clotheslines him and Booker.
• Konnan gets some offense but Stevie takes over and clotheslines Kidman as he strolls in the ring.
• Outside, Booker T pummels Konnan and tosses him in.
• Tag to Booker.
• Booker with the big forearm.
• Stomps to the chest.
• Booker hits a side slam.
• Cover gets two when Kidman saves.
• Tag to Stevie.
• Booker holds Konnan for Stevie to beat up.
• Stevie hits a fruit-booty quote.
• Stevie whips Konnan into a high knee.
• Stevie with an armbar.
• Tag to Booker.
• Booker with a right.
• Booker with a headlock on the rope.
• Booker whips Konnan, who evades the axe kick.
• Tag to Kidman.
• Kidman with a dropkick on Stevie.
• Acid drop (run-up-the-turnbuckle bulldog) on Booker.
• Kidman with the punches in the corner on Stevie.
• Stevie counters with a bearhug as Booker hits the sidekick.
• Kidman flips out of a suplex by Stevie.
• Kidman tries an acid drop, but Stevie counters into a backdrop suplex.
• Stevie goes for a cover, but Kidman lifts his shoulders before three. Stevie, unfortunately, had his shoulders down.
• YOUR WINNERS AND NEW WCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Kidman and Konnan in 5:04.
• Looking back at the tape, it occured to me that Stevie Ray got a shoulder up before three, as well. Bleh.

• Kim escorts her man into the ring.
  
• Sign: "WCW Monday Maestro."
• Kim gets a mic. Shit.
• Kim gives us the "king of bada-bing, DDP." That was bad.
• [CATCHPHRASES.]
• DDP tells David Flair to get his little, ripe bastard booty out to the ring.
• Man, David looks like he's gonna cry.
• DDP toys with David to start and even kisses his cheek.
  
• David pulls out a crowbar from under his robe and beats the hell out of DDP while his back is turned.
• David continues the crowbar assault while DDP is on the mat.
• Kimberly crawls on her man to save him.
• David slowly backs away. You wuss, a real Horsemen's son would have smashed her in the chest by now and rubbed her face in the concrete.
• David walks to the back, still determined.
• EMTs hit the ring and stretcher DDP off. Say what you want, but he's a company man for putting Davey over.
• For someone whose husband is getting stretchered off, Kimberly appears very calm.
• Good way to make David Flair more of a legitimate threat.
• No decision was given for the match, by the way.

• The Outsiders are going to "wrestle" in their street clothes, apparently.
• Sign: "Russo, Where's the Gambler?"
• Their opponents: Russo's bodyguards.
• Hall and Nash give crotch chops to the brothers.
• The brothers step to the side and three ladies come out. One of which has the breast job from hell.
     
• This is apparently a match. The blonde with the black bra starts off against Hall.
• Hall checks out the women's ass and goes to slap it, but gets shoved.
• Hall tries to shove back, but the girl sticks out her chest.
  
• May I ask what the hell this is?
• They "lock-up."
• The blonde gets a side headlock in, and Hall seems rather pleased.
• The girl gets a weak kick in and she shakes her ass.
• More locking up.
• The blonde mounts Hall in the corner and gives some lame punches, then rides Hall's face. I can't believe I'm typing this.
• Hall falls to the mat and gets spanked.
• Tag to the blonde in the ponytail and lavender bra.
• Tag to Nash.
• Nash has his eyes on the brunette with the fake breasts.
• Nash offers for the girl to lift her shirt, but she wants Nash to lay down for the pin.
• Nash obliges and lays down.
• Hall joins in on the "fun" and lies down, as well.
• The blondes then pin both Outsiders.
• YOUR WINNER: I refuse to dignify this shit with a result. F*** you, WCW.©
• Post-match, the brunette fondles her fake breasts for Nash.
• Goldberg runs in and sets up in the corner.
• Goldberg hits the spear on Hall!
• Goldberg in the corner again as Nash flirts with the brunette.
• Spear on Nash!
• That was the only redeeming part of this segment. For the record, yes I like beautiful women, but this shit does not belong on a wrestling program. Put this crap on RAW.

• Bret Hart limps out. Wouldn't this match-up make more sense on Mayhem or Starrcade?
• Sign on RAW: "Rocky Fears Juventud."
• Goldberg gets the escorted entrance.
• The United States title is on the line!
• Lock-up. Goldberg backs Hart into the corner.
• It's 10:52 P.M. EDT by the way.
• Lock-up, Goldberg knees Hart at the ropes.
• Goldberg with a short-arm clothesline as Hart blocks a whip.
• Big press slam by the behemoth.
• Hart backs into a corner and punches away.
• Goldberg no-sells and fires with punches of his own.
• Goldberg with the anklelock. Hart grabs the ropes.
• Hart goes outside to recover.
• Lock-up, Hart with some rights, but one Goldberg punch sends him down.
• Goldberg levels Hart.
• Goldberg with a rolling legsnap.
• Kick to the chest.
• Goldberg with kicks to the midsection.
• Goldberg yanks Hart out of the corner by the leg.
• Mickey Jay asks Hart if he wants to give, but no dice.
• Hart tries to beg off, but Goldberg takes Hart down and gets his anklelock in again.
• Just curious, why was Hart booked to submit to a half-crab at Havoc when he survives an anklelock submission?
• Goldberg is just having his way tonight due to Hart's injured leg.
• Goldberg charges to the corner and runs into a right leg.
• Hart with some punches and a sleeperhold.
• Goldberg backs Hart into the turnbuckle, but Hart keeps the hold.
• Goldberg snapmares Hart, who smacks into Mickey Jay.
• Hart tumbles over the top rope.
• The Outsiders and Sid Vicious hit the ring.
• Goldberg with a side kick on Nash.
• Goldberg takes Hall out but Sid turns the tide.
• Hall with a urinage.
• Nash gets a side slam in.
• Sid powerbombs Goldberg, and the three take off.
• Hart rolls into the ring.
• Hart covers... and gets the win.
• YOUR WINNER AND NEW WCW UNITED STATES CHAMPION: Bret Hart in 7:52.
• Goldberg has now received his second televised loss in WCW.
• We fade...

I'm gonna catch hell for saying this, but I really don't care at this moment. Vince Russo has taken Nitro and turned it into a circus pandering to the sports entertainment crowd just so he can sell out to the almighty Neilsen. Maybe I'm old-school, but it's World Championship WRESTLING. I'm sick of these short, interrupted matches. I'm sick of seeing people walk for no reason. I'm sick of seeing pathetic excuses to show off T&A on the screen. All I want is wrestling. Yeah, I know, straight wrestling doesn't work anymore, I've heard it before. But, that doesn't mean that turning the product into a WWF-Lite is going to make it any better. There's got to be some differentiation in the product. Heck, there's a reason why some people drink Pepsi over Coke -- they want a different taste.

Sorry if I sounded confrontational, but I had to get it off my chest. On the bright side, Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko vs. Chris Benoit were good matches. Bret Hart vs. Goldberg also showed promise until the inevitable screwjob.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and hopefully I'll be in a better mood when next week's Thunder hits. Until then, take care, and F*** You, WCW.©