Phoenix Championship Wrestling's Farewell to Nova - Friday, 05/17/02

By Greg

Before I open this up, I want to let people know that I wrote this report mainly as a way to tell everyone at DDT Digest that once the NWA PPVs come along next month, I'd be glad to do reports of them if you guys want to see them. This is also pending that Bill doesn't mind, since he'd have to get up in the morning and post the report.
The time was 3:00 AM, on a "Cram for Science test" Friday morning. That was when I received an IM from a friend, Jay, who told me about the PCW show that going to be in Tom's River, NJ, only forty minutes away from me. He let me know it was to feature Nova, Lynn, Guido, Julio Deniro, and The Wall. Was I sold then? No, but then he told me that two of my Indy favorites, Slayer and Harley Lewis, were going to be there, and I was sold quicker than the soon-to-be made Tammy Lynn Sytch porno film, since we'll all want to see her embarrass herself further for crack.
Let me also mention that I used to go to a lot of these shows two or three years ago, when I was younger, and the Indy scene was a lot more fresh than you'll see me reporting on tonight. Lance Diamond, Steve Corino, Ace Darling, Devon Storm, Rik Ratchet, The Misfits, Julio Sanchez, The Inferno Kid, Twiggy Ramirez, among others would all wrestle on one show, and when that happened, you were guaranteed a pretty good show. But Lance, Corino, and Julio went to ECW, Ace cut down his Indy bookings, Storm went to WCW, Rik, Lupas (1/2 of the Misfits), and Twiggy all retired, Harley (1/2 of the Misfits) went to Puerto Rico for a year, and Inferno Kid got real cocky when he started doing WWF Jakked occasionally. Thus, what I was left with, was Slayer losing to a guy who carried around a lizard, "Charisma-lite" Kevin Knight, "Rey Mysterio Jr. I ain't" Dave Mysterio, among others who I could care less about.
Also, I don't want to blatantly steal the Spice rating system, so I'll do the famous 1 for 1 system.
So, at 6:00, myself and Jay (wearing my La Parka mask), started off on the drive to Tom's River.
Of course, when we got there at around 7:10 imagine the dismay on our faces when we saw this.

Yes, Lazer Tag. When you enter the building, it's a big arcade, with tons of games, a Merry-Go-Round, among other games.
Unfortunately, Jay and I were under the impression that the show would start somewhere around ON TIME, so we bought our $12 tickets (front row was sold out), and entered the arena.
Wait, did I say arena? I meant a hockey arena, with a soccer game going on in the field next to us.
Yes folks, Indy wrestling is great.

At 7:30, when the show is supposed to start, the ring announcer lets us know that the show will start in fifteen minutes.

This is typical of Indy wrestling. I learned a long time ago not to get to Indy shows that early, because there's ALWAYS some kind of a delay with starting the show.
Meanwhile, I go and grab myself some food.
Yes, a piece of nasty pizza and a Jimmy Neutron, Cherry Cola flavored ice-cream.
When we come back, the ring announcer tells us to pick up "some figures, shirts, or inflatables at the merchandise booth."
No, no those kind of inflatables. Crappy, 1998 WCW-made, inflatable hammers.
And at $20 for a $6 bought figure, how can you go wrong at the merchandise booth?
I also notice that there sound guy looks like a young Paul Heyman, just with an extra sixty pounds on him.
Like other Indy shows, they play CDs full of "hot" music, to keep the fans from rioting due to the fact that the show doesn't end up starting till 8:00.
Moby!

The ring announcer comes out and does the usual, "Are you ready?" spiel. Jay brings up to me that the fans must be Nazis, because when everyone yelled out "Yeah!", they raised one arm, and pointed it outward.
Julio Deniro (w/Kara Slice) vs. Matt Vandal (w/Spanish Slut, we'll call her)

Julio has Kara Slice with him, a nice looking girl who I saw manage him a couple years back in a hick town called Pine Hill.
Poor Julio Deniro. He wrestled the independents for years, hoping to get signed by the Big Three. He finally does, and then the promotion goes under. And now, he's back to opening up Indy shows, against losers like...
Matt Vandal. He's your typical "Big guy, leather pants, tattoos. We've got a superstar here people."
Matt's got some random girl with him, and I looked on the PCW site, and they don't really mention her.
Julio calls her a two-timing slut.
And she's also Spanish.
Thus, she is now called Spanish Slut.
This angers Matt, and he shoves Julio out of the ring.
Julio slides back in, and hiptosses Vandal.
"Now that's wrestling!"
Julio bodyslams Vandal, and gets a kiss from a cheerleading uniform wearing Kara.
When Julio turns around, he's met with the basic hiptoss, bodyslam, and dropkicks combo that sends Julio to the floor.
Hey, how about we stall some more?
Matt slingshots Julio back into the ring.
Vandal goes off the ropes, but is promptly tripped by Kara.
Spanish Slut comes in, and a catfight is teased about a minute into the match.
The fans want the catfight more than the match.
Julio, it must suck to be playing second tier to two untalented women, eh?
After the wrestlers get their women to the outside, Julio flips out of a suplex by Matt.
A second one, though, is executed right.
Julio drop toe holds Matt, but is rolled up for a two count.
Matt then proceeds to hit an embarrassingly bad German suplex onto Julio.
It was almost as if Billy Gunn did it. He damn near broke his neck.
Anyway, that gets two.
Matt grabs Kera, and teases that he's going to hit her, but Julio WHAM BAM Superkicks him in the face. Two count.
Julio taunts the crowd, and drops an elbow for another two count.
Julio goes to work with the trademark heel offense till Matt has a temporary comeback.
Deniro knocks him down with a sidekick where he doesn't exactly hit it right.
Julio executes a sweet Northern Lights Suplex that gets two.
Matt clips Julio's knee, trying to regain the advantage, but Julio comes back with the evil eyerake.
Julio drops Matt down, and covers him for two.
Matt rolls Julio up for two.
Julio (or Matt, didn't take the notes down right) executes a back suplex.
And now, it's time for the females to fight.
Julio grabs Slut, and throws her away from Kara.
Matt surprises Julio with a clothesline.
Matt executes a version of the Diamond Cutter.
Kara gets up on the apron, prompting the famous 80's spot that's still used all the time by bad bookers like Donnie B, as Matt grabs Kara.
What happens next?
Well, of course, Deniro accidentally hits Tera.
Matt rolls Julio up, and he kicks out.
Julio clotheslines Matt when they get to their feet, and goes to the top rope.
Spanish Slut crotches Julio, and then hits the Top Rope Huruncanrana on him.
Impressive, but hey, she's probably only there because she's having sex with one of the wrestlers.
Matt executes a sit-down powerbomb, and that's enough to give him the win.
Wow, how the mighty have fallen.
Julio and Kara retreat to the back, as you first see how bad my friend's digital camera is, as I have yet to buy one for myself.
The match was crap.
The booking was crap.
Matt Vandal wrestles like crap.
And I'm starting to get this allusion that all this time, Julio's wrestling ability has been crap.
I mean, he blew five spots when he fought Scorpio at the Heroes of Wrestling PPV, his various ECW matches topped at **, and his performance tonight included a botched sidekick of all moves.
0 for 1.

The Matrix (Kuhl and Zeig) vs. The Holy Rollers ('Ramblin' Rich Myers and Earl the Pearl)

The Matrix are two muscled up guys who wear grimaces on their faces, black glasses, and trenchcoats.
There's who I believe is Kuhl, as I now notice that I need to pull this camera downward a little bit since it doesn't focus on the shots right.
They have some kind of gimmick, but I tend not to think when I see two guys named after a God damn movie.
Holy Rollers are two guys that have been all over the Indy circuit, and are pretty talented, though not talented enough to ever be in the WWF.
Rich has the long hair in the corner, and Earl has short hair.
Seriously, I didn't really know any of these guys individual names (minus Rich, who I didn't recognize), so my notes have them listed as LB, SH, SM, LM.
Classic "Heels pose, boo. Faces pose, cheers."
Zeig and Earl start the match off.
Zeig shoves Earl, who in turn, puts Zeig in an armwringer.
Earl runs into a shoulderblock by Zeig, and we're all of twenty seconds in when tag team pandemonium begins.
The Holy Rollers execute a double swinging neckbreaker on Kuhl.
Earl slides out of the ring, and holds both members of The Matrix, allowing Rich to plancha onto them.
Back in the ring, Pearl and Rich play the parts of The Rockers, quickly tagging in and out.
Unfortunately, they didn't study those tapes very closely, as a fundamental thing to do is to furiously work on a body part when you're doing this, like The Rockers would do to an opponent's arm.
Rich splashes Kuhl, but goes to the well one to many times, and runs knee first into the corner the second.
Earl tries to take over where his partner left off, but he uses the eyerake.
Tag out to Zeig, who executes a suplex on Earl.
He qucikly tags back out to Kuhl, and the two do the dirty, nasty, rotten heel trickery that causes Rich to try to come in and save his partner.
Of course, this only ends up hurting his partner even more.
Kuhl bodyslams Pearl, but misses a second rope splash.
Hot tag time.
Rich Russian legsweeps Zeig, and follows it up with a DDT.
I have something in here about a move being "badly planned," but hey, with how this show looks like it's turning out, it could refer to anything.
Holy Rollers with the ten corner punches.
Kuhl, though, drops Myers to the floor.
The brawl continues.
And out of nowhere, here comes Prodigy, and absolutely KILLS Earl with a move where he goes back-to-back with Earl (a la; neckbreaker), then swings him over his head by the neck, and drops him with an X-Factor.
And then he drops him on his head with a T-Bone Suplex, allowing The Matrix to pick up the win.
Decent match. Rich and Earl both have a good amount of talent, and The Matrix are basic.
And now, Chi Chi Cruz, a skinny Cruiserweight, comes out to "Rico Suave" (!), and clears house.
1 for 2.

Impromptu Match for the TV Title: Chi Chi Cruz vs. Prodigy

An impromptu match? What is this, ECW?
Cruz controls the early portion of the match showing a nice amount of talent.
Jawbreaker by Matrix, and once again, twenty seconds in, we've got pandemonium.
One of the Matrix distracts the referee, and they lay the boots to Cruz.
Cruz comes back, and backdrops Prodigy to the apron.
Cruz then dropkicks then, sending him to the floor.
Cruz goes to the top rope, almost slips off, then redeems himself by executing a Shooting Star Press onto The Matrix and Prodigy!
Back in the ring, Prodigy slips out from under Cruz's arms, and executes a Northern Lights, followed by a Diamond Cutter.
The Matrix once again distract the ref, allowing Prodigy to execute a Rikishi Driver or something of similar nature.
Keep in mind that I'm a few rows back, so specific moves are mysteries to me since I'm not seeing things up close.
Anyway, that's enough to get Prodigy the win, retaining the TV Title.
The beatdown continues, with Prodigy hitting that awesome neckbreaker into an X-Factor for the second time; this time onto the TV belt.
For the short match that it was, besides for there being little transition between the moves, it was a nice way for the two wrestlers to showcase their moves.
2 for 3

Dr. Hurtz and "Nova's brother" Donnie B come out to the ring

Okay; let me explain this.
Dr. Hurtz is the commissioner of the PCW, and he used to be a wrestler with a lame ass "Doctor" gimmick. He retired in September of 2001 after wrestling Lupas (!).
Donnie B, well, he's the owner of the federation.
And most importantly, the something he's used to push his career for the past five years, he's Nova's twin brother.
Now, I like the guy as a manager. He's a funny guy, he cares about what he does, and all that great stuff.
But is he really smart enough to book a federation, while at the same time making sure his best friends (cough:Hurtz:cough) don't get put over the stars he's trying to develop?
This is a taping for their channel 96 TV show, so the fans have brought signs.
Donnie holds up a sign that says "Nova Rulez," of course, with the word Rules spelled wrong.
But hey, that's the cool way to spell it.
Donnie talks about all the wrestlers they've had in the building.
"We had Gangrel."
Yeah, so did the WWA. And they learned quick that no one gives a shit about him.
Donnie acts really excited: "I don't psyche for much."
Yes, he actually turned the phrase "I'm psyched," into that.
He takes a minute off from his interview to plug the Catholic Church they'll be at the next day for another event.
I'll pass.
Donnie has the PCW Tag Team Champions Evolution (Nova and Frankie Kazarian) come out.
Frankie's got a similar to look to Nova, just with long hair, though his limited charisma matches Nova to the tip.
Nova takes the OVW belt out of a bag.
And of course, the fans mark out, despite the fact that OVW is the place that Vince sends Mark Henry when he needs to lose weight.
Hurtz tells Nova that the two of them shouldn't have to defend the titles against Christian York & Joey Matthews (former ECW wrestlers, who were once under WWF developmental contracts, that have only wrestled one match in PCW), and that if they want to, they can sit the night out and retire themselves as Tag Team Champions.
Nova could do that, but hey, he's the big face guy so he won't.
Nova brings up all the tag teams they've beat to make them "The best friggin' tag team for the past three years."
What about Chuck & Billy?
Backseat Boyz, a team consisting of Johnny Kashmere and Trent Acid, are mentioned, as I relive my memories of these two, trying to numb the pain from this bad segment.
Frankie's a puss, and says he wouldn't mind retiring the belt instead of wrestling.
Well, someone's not happy with this, and here comes Christian York, Joey Matthews, and Kid Rock...
Oops, I mean Cham Pain, who looks just like Kid Rock would if he had an ounce of muscle on him.
York: "We were standing in the back when we..."
Yes, because their backstage area is behind a hockey rink, so unless your idea of comfortable is sitting on a video game machine, you kind of have to stand up.
York announces himself as "New School" Christian York.
That's kind of sad, doing spinoffs of a name Steve Corino uses.
York and Matthews, who I'm a fan of, go into a "Don't forget we're heels" promo by running down the town.
And since I'm from forty-five minutes away, I kind of just sit there and listen to everyone else get mad because :GASP: they insulted their ugly hometown.
Cham Pain: "Sorry to break up your little homosexual dance party."
Ohhh no! They suggested Nova and Frankie we're gay!
And since every damn wrestling fan is a homophobe who believes that coming near a gay person means he's going to put it up your ass (to be frank), the fans are in an uproar that he'd call them homosexuals.
I'm not gay (don't make me bring up the Seinfeld quote), but these kind of lines are the things that build up inside someone's head, then a Matthew Shepard happens.
Cham says that Nova broke his foot in ECW.
News to me.
The team challenges Nova, Frankie, and a partner to a 3-on-3 match later that night.
Nova says he won't pick a partner, though, because he's learned not to trust people.
They now want a Handicapped match, and then they all start to brawl.
And in a surprising (in the sense that this kid still bothers to wrestle) turn of events, Chris Chetti runs out to clear house.
Chetti asks to be Nova's partner, citing that he's sorry for what had happened in earlier years.
Incase you're not familiar with it, Chetti turned on Nova in ECW, then the dumbass went and got injured, so the feud never happened.
And then he got signed with a WWF developmental deal, but the WWF decided that they'd had enough sorrow with one member of that family (Taz), and dumped him.
Nova accepts his former partner's apology, and will team with him later.
The heels are tease coming back into the ring, but they're held off by Donnie, Hurtz, Nova, Frankie, and Chetti.
2 for 4.

Dicky Benz (w/Little Ricky) vs. Tiger Kahn

Okay, this match was mind numbingly bad; so let me take a minute to explain it.
Dicky Benz is some forty year old guy who came out wearing a bad toupee, and singing show tunes. He's old, he's ugly, he's fat, no one cares.
Little Ricky is a skinny, but with muscle, eighteen year old looking kid who seems completely losed.
And I remember Rik Ratchet having a kid with him a couple years back named "Felipe the Pool Boy," so this may or may not be him.
And Tiger Kahn is an Arab guy who wears the little tousles on his boots like the Texas Tornado does.
Yes, I wasted a picture on these guys.
Dicky sings the famous Tom Jones song, "Somebody to Love," changing the lyrics.
The fans start to chant "You suck."
Dicky: "I don't suck."
Excited Ricky: "Yeah, he swallows!"
..............
Dicky just keeps on throwing out tons of ridiculous one liners that even Roddy Piper would be ashamed of.
Tiger chases Ricky outside the ring to start.
Back in, Tiger beats up Dicky for a little bit.
And my notes just read "NOTHING."
Dicky takes off his toupee and hands it to Ricky.
Wow, the hilarity, I can't even contain myself.
Tiger rolls him up for two.
As Tiger takes Dicky down with an exciting headlock, I observe the fact that this "cracka wants to be black" kid has a pretty good looking girl with him.
That's Toms River for you.
Hey, they raised Donnie B and Nova, I don't want to see the rest of its population.
This match has completely killed the crowd.
Dicky retains the advantage, and throws Tiger to the outside so Ricky can put the boots to him.
Back in, Tiger backdrops him, and goes to the dreaded resthold.
Russian legsweep from Tiger.
Tiger misses a flip of some sort from the second rope.
Okay, time to kill the match.
Dicky suplexes Tiger for two.
Nicky runs into the ring, and of course, superkicks Dicky by accident when the ref acts like he is distracted by a fan.
Seriously, he just turned his head, and acted like something was happening.
Tiger DDTs Dicky, and mercifully ends the match.
Now, they should've rushed these guys out of the ring ASAP after this, and never spoken of it again.
But, no, Tiger decides he should DDT Nicky, but Dicky offers up Tiger a proposal.
He says that if Dicky sings, and Tiger likes it, he lets Nicky go. But if he doesn't like his singing, he's free to DDT Ricky.
And Dicky begins to sing the theme to Lion King.
It would seem that they'd take the road where Tiger acts as if he likes it, then gives both men a DDT.
But no; Tiger lets go off Ricky, and all three men start singing.
Tiger holds the ropes for the two of them to leave, making me think that he'll crotch one of them, then delivers a DDT.
Nope, they walk to the back, singing.
Dicky: "You might not love me, but your mother sure does love dick."
Family entertainment my ass.
2 for 5.

Produce Match: Jumbo Joe Gunns vs. The Prophet

Yes, you read that right. It's a Produce Match.
This means that the loser gets produce thrown at them.
Jumbo Joe Gunns is a guy who has a gimmick of being jumbo in the sense that he has large arms.
He's also a really bad wrestler, as I've seen him wrestle once or twice before.
The Prophet comes out to Bob Marley, has his hair in dreadlocks, and pretty much looks like Vampiro if he grew a few inches, didn't put on the make-up, and stopped working out for a few weeks.
Donnie comes out, or it might've been Nova (they look and sound alike, thus them being identical twins), and announces the stipulations, stating that he can't wait to see Prophet get lettuce thrown at him.
The match begins, and it doesn't even take a minute before they take the brawl to the outside, and to the back of the arena, meaning that they fought twenty-five feet.
When they finally come back into my view, Joe sends Prophet into the ringpost.
Prophet and Jumbo get into the ring, and lay down the basics.
Jumbo goes all Kevin Sullivan on Prophet's ass with a double stomp, and almost trips doing so.
Prophet rolls Jumbo up for two, and follows that up with a jumping back elbow from the second ring rope.
Prophet goes to the top, but gets thrown off by Jumbo.
Neckbreaker from Jumbo gets two.
Resthold time.
Prophet flips over Jumbo in the corner, and hits a sloppy Nail in the Coffin for two.
They do a slow reverse whip, and the ref gets squashed in the corner when Joe splashes him in the corner.
Prophet gets a big boot, or should I say middle boot since the guy doesn't have much flexibility.
Tiger Kahn runs out, to take his heel turn to a new level of stupidity by randomly interfering in the match.
Tiger holds Gunns down, and Prophet goes off with a moonsault. for two.
Dr. Hurtz, in a suit, runs out and puts himself over by dropkicking and superkicking Kahn.
Gunns executes the SLEEPER OF UTTER DISMAY, and Prophet passes out, giving Gunns the win.
Well, chalk that up as the first time I've seen a wrestler go down to a friggin' sleep that wasn't a finisher.
Now it's time for the security guards to drag Prophet to a black tarp near the back of the arena, where there's a bucket full of old lettuce.
Chaos literally breaks out, as Donnie wasn't smart enough to hire enough security here, as everyone tries to grab lettuce, and once they throw it, they don't move, causing an eight foot tall security guard to yell at everyone to no avail.
My friend Jay grabs a piece of lettuce, and throws it right at Donnie, hitting him in the back of the head.
Prophet acts like the lettuce actually hurts, and passes out.
Hurtz decides it's time to put himself over even more, as Kahn jumps him while he's celebrating Prophet being beat up by lettuce.
Kahn hits him with a chair, and Prophet runs back in with some of the evil lettuce, and they put the boots to him.
And here comes Mr. Talented, Jumbo Joe Gunns to run them off.
Kahn, the dastardly heel, challenges Joe and a partner to a match against him and Prophet at their next Toms River show.
Joe picks Dr. Hurtz.
And Dr. Hurtz is all like, "No man, I'm retired."
And Jumbo Joe Gunns is like, "Come on."
And then Dr. Hurtz is all like, "Okay, I need to put myself over these guys again, and can't even stick to retirement for a damn near."
And you know what the sad thing is?
Prophet might've sustained a dislocated jaw and a groin injury from this crap.
From 1wrestling.com: "One of the items hit Prophet in the groin and he was legit in pain from it."
That's the funniest thing I've read all day.
2 for 6.

Intermission time

Once Intermission hits, I go outside to have a cigarette, and who do I see doing push-ups while it's pouring out?
None other than a favorite of mine, Slayer.
Slayer is a young guy on the Indy circuit who wrestles with an insane gimmick.
From the five or six matches I've watched of his, he's pretty damn talented.
Unfortunately, whether it be Donnie or the late Dennis Carrulozo, no one has ever used this guy right.
I mean, before Dennis' death, Slayer spent months jobbing to a fat guy named El Lizard who would blow eight spots a match, but would get cheered because :WOW: he brought a lizard down to the ring with him.
Slayer told me that he was supposed to be fighting a guy named Prince Nana (gotta love Indy names), but since he no-showed, he's doing the "Best of the Best" Battle Royal.
A.K.A.- They throw every guy they don't have an angle for into a battle royal.
Donnie B, if you're reading this, and I know someone will pass it along to you, please book Slayer in a singles match where you let him display some of his skills at the Pine Hill show next month.
After writing this, I did a search for Slayer, and I did learn that NJ promoter Gino Moore was smart enough to put the NWA Lightweight Title on him over the summer.
And a couple weeks later, he jobbed it to Dave Mysterio. Ugh...
But anyway, while I was talking to Slayer, I did see you can see into the girl's room, so hey, it wasn't all that much of a loss.
After talking to Slayer, I went back inside, where to my surprise, two retired Indy guys who I used to talk to all the time we're hanging out, Rik Ratchet (pictured) and Lupas.
The two of them recognized me by the fact that I was one of the four people to buy a Twiggy Ramirez shirt, a really talented Indy wrestler who is now retired, but who I was a big mark for a couple years ago.
Rik retired last year, and Lupas did the same probably two years ago due to suffering like four concussion in a two month period. Seeing the two of them, though, was great.
You might remember Rik as the independent guy who beat Sid Vicious back in 1996.
I still wonder how they got Sid to job to Ratchet, but despite that, he was a great talent, who hopefully will get back in the ring for one more show someday.
I also saw Harley Lewis, a stiff as wood wrestler who, after a cokehead wrestler named Derek Domino spat and called me a "c**t" after a show in 1999 (for no real reason, as I was just hanging out with Billy Reil when that prick came up to me), he played some mind games with the guy.
Also, when he did his last appearance before going off to Puerto Rico in 2000, he brought me into the ring, hugged me, and put his Misfits shirt on my back.
It was a surreal and odd moment, but at the same time, cool.
I saw The Wall, and was tempted to ask him for an interview, but boy did he look strung out on heroin, so I didn't want to risk adding him to the list of wrestlers to curse me off.

"Best of the Best" Battle Royal

Participants: Slayer, Father Ozzy, Quiet Storm, Abudie (looking a lot like Avatar), Bonnie Brin Boche, Tommy Fierce, Tony Flow, "Power Child" Eric Justice, Donnie Bon Jovi, Chito Martinez, Mike Person, Johnny Curtis, Scarlito (who does a standing 450 on his way to the ring), Tank Tolliman, and a few others to make fifteen.
There's Slayer being led to the ring (in a straightjacket), by Father Ozzy.
This match pretty much consists of a lot of Billy Gunn clones (muscled up, short hair, no charisma), a few skinny guys, and then you've got Slayer and Father Ozzy.
Your basic battle royal, with everyone punching and kicking everyone.
When Abundai got eliminated, he went through the second rope, but he was still considered eliminated.
This isn't World War III guys, he's still in.
When Johnny Curtis gets eliminated, he goes to slap the fans hands, but no one really wants to, and he just gets this sad look on his face and walked to the back.
Slayer was one of the Final Five, making me think that there was a chance that he'd get the win.
But no; he got dumped over the top rope, right next to the guy who broke a chair when he landed on it.
:(
Two of the Billy Gunn clones are left in the ring, Mike Preston and Tank Tolliman, and they hug.
Preston looks a lot like Sean William Scott, star of the cinematic classic Dude, Where's My Car?
They do the rehashed genetically jacked gimmick, which makes me roll my eyes.
They challenge anyone with enough "spaldings" to come out and face them.
He even offers anyone who can survive with them for three minutes $3,000.
Which is pretty much what he'd make if he worked 200 Indy shows.
A guy dressed as Spider-Man runs out, and after using his webslingers (also known as silly string), he and his cheaply put together two hours before the show costume knock both of the men out of the ring with some nice kicks.
And of course, no guy with nice moves like that could be a Donnie B creation, so the guy unmasks himself to be CZW's Ric Blade.
Donnie comes out, and everyone rejoices because two guys have been cheated out of a win by a guy dressed like Spider-Man.
2 for 7.

Jerry Lynn vs. Guido Maritato

Guido is incorrectly announced as Little Guido (as he stopped calling himself that a couple years ago), but they do get the 201 ³/₄ pounds right.
When Lynn comes out, he goes to hit my friend's Jay hands, but Jay learned his lesson earlier: Never hit hands with these guys, because the muscled up ones either have Pam sprayed on them, or are drenched in water and sweat.
So Jay (in a La Parka mask) pulls his hand away, and Lynn says to him, "Very original."
Guido and Lynn exchange some Greco Roman holds, with the two exchanging slaps to the head.
The two go through some fast paced reversals, and Lynn rolls Guido up for two.
Guido rolls to the outside, with Lynn following, squashing him with a plancha.
Into the ring, armdrags and dropkicks from the Recently Fired Show.
Lynn does a sweet little move with him on the apron, and Guido's head above the bottom rope, as he drops a leg on him.
Two count, and Guido rolls to the outside.
Lynn drops Guido chest first on the apron, and he rolls him back in the ring for two.
Lynn charges at Guido, who Lou Thesz Presses Lynn. Two count.
Guido tries a TKO, but Lynn flips out of it.
Lynn tries the Running Powerbomb, but Guido drops down, then dropkicks him straight in the face. Two.
Lynn tries to reverse a suplex attempt, but Guido takes him down with a cross armbreaker.
Yeah, Craig Pittman's "Code Red" like a MOFO.
Guido and Lynn trade chops, and this is followed by Lynn running into a Guido knee, and getting Rocker Dropped from the second rope.
Guido goes to a well deserved resthold, a chinlock.
Jerry does a hulk up, despite the fact that no one in the crowd was really cheering for him to get up.
Lynn cradles Guido for DDT, and on the get up, brings him down with a Double Underhook DDT.
Backdrop from DDT, followed by a sweet Swinging DDT for two.
Lynn tries the Cradle Piledriver, but Guido backdrops him.
I turn around for a few seconds to look at someone, and when I come back, Guido faceplants Jerry.
Guido tries for the Tornado DDT, but Lynn lands on his feet, and executes the Cradle Piledriver.
And that's all she wrote for Little Guido.
Jay does the same thing he did to Lynn earlier, to him once more, but this Lynn seems a little bit to tired to say anything back to him.
Not bad, not bad at all.
3 for 8.

TLCCD (Tables, Ladders, Chairs, Chains, and Doors Match): PCW Heavyweight Champion Harley Lewis vs. The Wall

Please, don't even ask about the ludicrous match name.
Harley Lewis has been PCW Champion for, I believe, fourteen months, and no one's been able to beat him.
He doesn't look all that special in the photo, but he's tough as nails (he does shootfights a couple times a year), and used to wrestle with more of a Hardcore look to him.
But hey, that's what a year in the World Wrestling Council (Puerto Rico) will do to you.
The Wall comes out, looking completely strung out on heroin (as I noted earlier).
He's in good shape, but he's got an ugly flannel shirt on, black underwear tights, and a short haircut.
Wall attacks Harley, and immediately throws him into a door.
Someone does something to someone with a chair, but I can't see because they're going around the other side of the arena.
I see nothing, I hear CZW marks bitching about the quality of this match.
Agreed.
On the opposite side of the ring, Wall throws Harley into another door, then jumps off the apron.
I'm guessing that sent Harley threw a table, but God knows I can't see jackshit.
Wall repeats the spot, because hey, it looked so good the first time.
Harley did the blade, and a very good one, albeit.
Harley throws Wall into a door, breaking it.
Harley slams a chair into Wall.
They go back into the ring, where after a brief chinlock, Wall jumping shoulderblocks Harley.
Both men exchange punches, and The Wall goes up for the ten punches in the corner.
Harley low blows Wall, and DDTs him, but that only gets two.
Wall catches him with the chokeslam.
1-2-3, and like that, with such an anticlimactic ending, finishes Harley's fourteen month reign as champion.
And to make matters worse, he lost the title to The Wall.
Not to mention, it's a bad-haircut, heroin-using Wall.
Whatever.
Also, from my vantage point, there was not a chain, nor a ladder used. Why bother naming a gimmick match, when it's obvious that one guy isn't up to wrestling even a ten minutes match where they can use all the gimmicks sensibly?
The fans give Harley a standing ovation, and he mentions that he wants a rematch sometime down the road.
Harley also mentions a shootfight he's doing this summer, which I'll have to go to.
3 for 9.

And with that I'd had enough.

My ride was arriving (as I didn't honestly think there would still be a twenty minute main event, plus a speech, after the show's starting time was over three and a half hours before), and personally, even the six guys in the main event couldn't get me excited enough to risk being left in friggin' Toms River.

In the main event, Nova, Frankie Kazarian, and Chris Chetti defeated Christian York, Joey Matthews, and Cham Pain

Reading the results of the match, the same guy who called Julio Deniro and Matt Vandal one of the best matches he's seen all year, also praised this match as being "great."
And through my eyes, "great" probably means, "they mailed it in partially, but still, a ** 1/2 match."
Because honestly, no one in that ring, including The Innovator of being the Innovator of Innovating ever wrestled a match in ECW more than ***.
In fact, five of those guys (minus Frankie) seemed to all be paired up into little matches with each other towards the end of ECW's demise, and they ended up, looking for a word...
Sucking.
But hey, a lot of people pop for the sh**ty spot matches they work.
Sadly, Rik Ratchet ran in at the end of the match to try and stop Nova from winning, but was held back by someone.
Of course, Rik had to interfere in the match I wasn't in the building for.
Nova then gave one of those tearful, emotional speeches, thanking everyone for coming to the PCW matches when the WWF could give two shits about him, thus giving him a place where he could make a couple dollars before the WWF decided to hire him.
Well, he didn't exactly say that, but you get my drift.

My advice to Donnie:

I know, I know; after mercifully making fun of your show, and its wrestlers, you (and I know you'll end up reading this) don't want to listen to me. Just listen to me.
First off, find someone creative to book your matches, or at least the finishes of the matches.
Similar to what Vince Russo did with Johnny Ace in 2000/2001, the wrestlers had it in them, but the finishes and the things surrounding it were bad. You need a wrestler to help you, since while you've watched eight million matches, you've never truly wrestled like everyone else in the ring has.
On the subject of booking: Donnie, reading the PCW TV reports, you're a funny guy when it comes to backstage segments.
What the hell happens when you're humor is transcended into the ring?
A guy getting lettuce thrown at him, and some pathetic lounge singer isn't funny, nor is it entertaining.
And most importantly, in the long term, it only makes you look like a joke.
And concerning the wrestlers in the company:
The Wall - Don't give your company's World Title to a former star, because it just makes it look like you're trying to live off their fame, and not bring up your new stars. And plus, cough:heroin:cough... Nevermind.
Tiger Kahn, Dicky Benz, Mike Preston, Tank Tolliman, Matt Vandal - Dump the singing trio, give the muscled up guys personalities (and not, just, "Hey, we're sexy." I mean real personalities), and Matt Vandal shows a little bit of potential, but you gotta give him a real feud, someone who can slowly help him learn to wrestle better.
You've got a nice little tag division, but you should definitely add The Backseat Boyz to it.
Donnie, if Dr. Hurtz is retired, have him stay retired.
Don't have him, in a suit, beat up wrestlers, with the one on the receiving hand never getting the upperhand.
And as for you, stop promoting yourself so damn much. There are other ways to do a screwjob, or introduce a new wrestler, or whatever you're trying to do then having you stroll on down to the ring.
And for Christ's sakes, stop throwing Slayer into Battle Royals and Five-Way Matches.

Ohh yeah, it would be nice if, when I came to the Pine Hill show, I wasn't told anything to the extent of, "You're not welcome here," because that'll just be stupid.
The Good: The main event was supposed to be good, seeing a few of the old NWA NJ wrestlers was cool, Prodigy vs. Chi Chi Cruz and The Matrix vs. The Holy Rollers were both very good matches.
The Bad: You want to make a list?
The Ugly: This would be a good time to take one last shot at The Wall, but now fearing that he'll rip my head off, I'll just go with the famous, "Certainly not Stevie Ray."
If you have any comments, e-mail me. Whether it's positive, negative, or it's the big BAN from all future PCW shows, I'd love to hear it.

Phoenix Championship Wrestling's Farewell to Nova - Friday, 05/17/02

By Greg

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