- I didn't watch Starrcade, and;
- Xavier Doom already did a hell of a job with his report.
I will say this though, and if it sounds like I'm repeating myself, it's because I am.
The more WCW throws out swerve after swerve (there were about four of them last night alone), the less of an impact each one is going to make. Really, did anyone act surprised (or show any concern) when Buff Bagwell turned on Goldberg after his match when Team Canada, Reno and Chavo Guerrero, Jr. all turned on people in three different matches?
- Since 2-Count grabbed the envelope at the same time in the ladder match, they fight each other tonight to determine the number #1 contender for the cruiserweight title.
- Handshake to start.
- Moore headscissors Helms out of the ring.
- Back inside, Helms with a headlock.
- Moore gets a whip in, but Helms does a drop toe-hold into a roll-up for two.
- Moore rolls Helms up for one.
- Moore gets a series of two-counts in.
- Helms sends Moore over the top.
- Moore drags Helms out of the ring feet-first and heads back in.
- Moore ends up outside and after a blown spot, he frankensteiners Helms (on the apron) to the floor.
- Back inside, Helms ducks a clothesline.
- Series of reversals leads to Moore shoving Helms into the turnbuckle.
- Helms gets set up top, and Moore tries his luck, but gets caught into a super powerslam.
- Helms covers for two.
- Helms with a German suplex for two.
- Helms argues with Jamie Tucker to heel heat.
- Helms whips Moore into the turnbuckle.
- Moore ducks a sidekick and sends Helms to the corner.
- Helms ducks a floatover but gets nailed by Moore on the apron.
- Moore (called "HB2K" by Madden) goes up top and hits a corkscrew bodypress for two.
- Another exchange leads to a Famasser by Moore for two.
- Moore sets Helms on the top turnbuckle.
- Attempted frankensteiner gets nothing, and Helms uses the opportunity to get a sunset flip for two.
- Into the ropes, Helms with an elbow to the back.
- Out of a backslide, Helms hits the Vertebreaker (back piledriver) for the win!
- YOUR WINNER: Shane Helms via Vertebreaker in 6:15.
- Post-match, Helms helps Moore up but Two Count gets jumped from beind by Chavo Guerrero, Jr.
- Two Count destroys Guerrero after the match.
- Some blown stuff, but this was good enough high energy material. And it should lead to a great Chavo vs. Helms match down the line, so I'm down with that.
- Madden tries to say that Steiner is a better champion than Ric Flair ever was.
- Steiner rags on Ric Flair by calling him average.
- Steiner talks about how Ric would squeak out victories during his heyday.
- Steiner wants DDP to get a sex change so he can gain the balls to face him.
- More ranting by Steiner.
- Steiner makes fun of DDP's catchphrases and wants him to go down to the bush leagues.
- Steiner calls Ric out.
- Here comes the C. E. O.
- Ric congratulates Steiner on his victory last night.
- Ric says Scott is taking the C. E. O. way too seriously.
- Ric says Scott has to stay the man by keeping the belt.
- Scott accuses Ric of screwing him.
- Ric says he's making the match at Sin a three-way dance.
- Tonight, there will be two preliminary matches, with the winners facing off to become one of Steiner's opponents.
- In the interest of locker room safety, Ric will not name the opponents.
- Ric says he's hired a mystery player and won't give him away, but he will be here tonight.
- Ric says the mystery player wants to get next to Steiner.
- Scott reminds Ric that he sent Arn Anderson to the hospital.
- Scott says he will find the mystery partner tonight, otherwise he'll find Ric.
- Team Glitter makes their way out.
- Funk (inside a cage) appears on the TurnerTron and runs down Meng.
- Funk is apparently backstage and he invites Meng to join him in a cage.
- The bell sounds, and Meng runs backstage.
- Meng sees Funk, who shoves a chain-link fence in his face. We've been SWERVED!
- Billy Silverman, the referee, joins us as Funk tries to handcuff Meng but doesn't get the job done.
- Meng handcuffs Funk's hands together and goes to town.
- Funk claims he's seeing double and begs off.
- Funk insults Meng, prompting a trashcan lid to bash his face.
- Meng with a weak trashcan shot.
- And again.
- Meng rolls Funk out on one of those rolling crates.
- They go to the entryway, with Meng hitting some loose trashcan shots.
- Schiavone runs down Funk's injury list.
- Meng looks under the ring (rolling up the Nitro and Thunder ring banners — a no-no) and pulls out a table.
- Said table gets brought into the ring as the crowd chants for the heel Terry Funk.
- Meng no-sells a couple trash can shots.
- Funk starts beating himself and we see that he has drawn color.
- Funk gets rolled onto a table as Meng goes up top.
- Funk moves out the way of a bodysplash, but Meng no-sells.
- Meng with the Tongan Death Grip, but Crowbar (in rags again) runs in and hits Meng with the golden wrench.
- Funk covers for the win.
- YOUR WINNER: Terry Funk via pinfall in 5:09.
- Post-match, Crowbar says the run-in was so that Funk would be 100% at Sin.
- Crowbar challenges Funk to a match, saying he wasn't at his best last night.
- Meng was REALLY holding back those trashcan shots tonight. I appreciate that he was trying to protect Funk but the pulled shots were very obvious.
- The first combatant in this preliminary match is...
- Lance Storm!
- Storm reminds us that he's held every single title but one.
- Hudson: "Women's title." Nice, but there's no such thing in WCW.
- Canadian Anthem gets interrupted by the music of...
- The Filthy Animals!
- Tygress leads out Rey Mysterio, Jr. (with DDP Brand™ Rib Tape).
- Off the ropes, Rey nails a headscissors and almost pins Storm with El Mahistral.
- Storm ends up in the corner, and Rey hits the Bronco Buster.
- Rey gets Storm mid-ring for a springboard moonsault, which hits knees.
- Storm gets two off a pinfall.
- Storm with a backbreaker for two.
- Storm drives some knees into Rey's back.
- Storm with a long delayed vertical suplex for two.
- They go outside, and Rey reverses a whip to the rail.
- Storm counters a charge and rolls Rey into the ring.
- Storm with some offense and a cover for two.
- Storm whips Rey, who ducks a pair of clotheslines and gets a bodypress (which should theoretically damage Rey more than Storm but it doesn't) for two.
- Rey with a clothesline for two.
- Storm gets in a jawbreaker.
- Storm with an abdominal stretch, and he even throws some rights into Rey's ribs.
- Rey powers out and goes to the apron but misses a dive.
- Storm covers for two.
- In the corner, Storm with some rights and knees.
- Storm whips Rey into the corner and they blow a "run into the boot" spot.
- Storm ends up outside, and Rey hits a somersault dive.
- Rey rolls Storm into the ring and hits a gullotine legdrop from the top, but it hurts him too.
- Because of that, Rey covers weakly for two.
- Off the ropes, Rey uses the Tiger mask Fake Out, but gets caught into the Canadian Mapleleaf off of a bodyscissors for the win!
- YOUR WINNER: Lance Storm via Canadian Mapleleaf in 5:19.
- Post-match, Madden uses the "Excellence of Execution" line to describe Storm.
- Storm gives a menacing look to the camera as we go to commercial.
- Some good psychology there, although it took a while for Rey to start selling the rib injury. Otherwise, I'd rate this higher.
- The 70s music brings out...
- Mike Awesome. I thought this died at Starrcade.
- Awesome cuts a promo for the ladies.
- Awesome says he feels a change coming on and says there's a little bit of Career Killer waiting to come out.
- Awesome says he's off and running toward the world championship.
- Awesome calls out his opponent...
- Jeff Jarrett.
- Scott Steiner isn't going to be happy about this.
- I'm guessing that Awesome is going over so we can have a face-heel match in the final.
- Awesome with a headlock.
- Jarrett whips Awesome and misses a clothesline.
- Awesome doesn't miss a flying shoulderblock, though, and he actually gets a two-count off it.
- Jarrett with some rights in the corner.
- Awesome reverses a whip to the corner.
- Jarrett tries the floatover but ends up on the receiving end of a German suplex.
- After a back bodydrop, Jarrett jawbreaks Awesome on the ropes.
- They go outside and Awesome sends Jarrett to the rail.
- Awesome slams Jarrett on the carpet.
- Awesome rams Jarrett into the apron, then the rail, then the apron, then the rail again.
- Awesome gives Jarrett a head-first view of the announcer's table.
- Some punches and an elbow by Awesome.
- Awesome picks Jarrett up but he gets hit in the nards.
- Back inside, Jarrett with a right off the middle rope.
- Schiavone: "A lot of things are illogical in WCW." No comment.
- Jarrett with a dropkick for two.
- Jarrett whips Awesome, but he counters with a sit-out powerbomb for two.
- Top-turnbuckle clothesline by Awesome.
- Awesome with a double-underhook pancake for two.
- Awesome sets up for the running powerbomb, but Jarrett slips out.
- Back elbow sends Awesome to the corner.
- Awesome runs into a double boot, bumping the ref.
- Jarrett gets the guitar, but Awesome suplexes him, sending the guitar out of his hands.
- Awesome gets the guitar, but Charles Robinson tries to get it out of his hands.
- This allows Jarrett to grab another guitar, and he nails Awesome in the opposing corner.
- Jarrett covers for the win, proving my theory wrong. This is why I'm not a booker.
- YOUR WINNER: Jeff Jarrett via pinfall in 5:28.
3/4
- Alex's new techno music just doesn't do it for me.
- He'll be facing The Cat.
- Cat asks Wright what kind of dance he did.
- Cat asks for Wright's dance one more time.
- Wright gives the crowd a "kiss my ass" motion.
- The Boogie Knights music plays and Wright starts the dance.
- Cat tells Wright to "sit his ass down."
- Cat tries to get the crowd to egg Mark Madden to dance in the ring.
- Cat rolls in and evades an elbowdrop.
- Cat whips Wright into a back bodydrop.
- Wright hides behind the referee.
- This allows Wright to take over with stomps.
- Wright with a suplex into a pin for two.
- Cat with some rights.
- Wright sends Cat out of the ring.
- Wright goes for an axehandle off the apron but Cat throws a cup of soda at him.
- Some kicks by Cat.
- Wright with European Uppercuts.
- Wright with a front slam on the announcer's table.
- They go back inside, and Cat continues the punch-kick offense.
- Wright breaks the mold with a backdrop suplex.
- Wright throws Cat outside.
- Wright goes outside, picks Cat up and rams him back-first into the ringpost.
- Cat knocks Wright down with a kick.
- Cat gets thrown into the safety rail.
- Back inside, more punching.
- Wright applies an armbar.
- Cat gets to his feet and slams Wright.
- Cat with some chops to Wright's chin, but Wright gets back up.
- Standing armbar.
- Cat gets a second-wind but a kneelift sends him to the mat.
- Wright whips Cat into a high knee.
- The Cat makes the comeback, whips Wright into the corner and nails The Feliner out of nowhere for the win.
- YOUR WINNER: The Cat via Feliner in 5:53.
- Post-match, Cat dances as Ms. Jones has the gall to break out one of the New Kids On The Block dance routines.
- I appreciate six-minute matches as much as the next guy, but this one was BORING.
¼
- Damn. And we were doing SO well there.
- Sanders: "You can take Richmond out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of Richmond, VA."
- Sanders puts his stable over.
- Reno looks tiny compared to Sean O' Haire.
- Typical heel mic work thus far. Sanders is usually pretty good on the stick, but he's mailing it in thus far.
- Sanders brings up the Insiders and says his team was cheated.
- Sanders says Nash and DDP aren't here tonight.
- Sanders reminds us that he is the commissioner.
- Sanders says the world tag team champions will be on the line at Sin.
- Sanders says the #1 contenders to the tag titles are...
- Flair and Blackjack Mulligan, according to Madden. But, Ric Flair DOES make his appearance known.
- Ric puts Richmond over.
- Ric says when the Horsemen came through here, there were 3,000 girls lined up.
- Ric says the NBT are lean, mean, etc., but he says he couldn't see Sanders when he was next to Luger.
- Ric says Sanders still isn't able to make matches.
- Ric puts the Perfect Event over.
- Ric says that the PE are not automatically the #1 contender.
- Ric books PE and Jindrak/O'Haire into a tag team battle royale on Thunder with three other teams to determine the #1 contender.
- Ric asks the crowd to give Commissioner Sanders one more "Whoo!"
- Ric Flair made that segment watchable.
- Buff reverts back to his old persona of playing to the camera instead of playing to the fans.
- Goldberg gets his usual escorts.
- Buff bails as Goldberg hits the ring.
- Goldberg gives chase, but we see that Lex Luger is hiding behind the apron with a chair.
- Luger jabs Goldberg with the chair, and the bell sounds.
- YOUR WINNER: Goldberg via DQ in 0:30. (32-0)
- Heel beatdown in the ring, but the Sarge makes the save.
- Luger with a chairshot on Sarge.
- Goldberg kicks the chair, sending it into Luger's face.
- The heels bail.
- At first, I was wondering why they were doing the Goldberg/Buff blowoff so soon.
- That was the proper method of doing a screwjob, IMO. Just get it out of the way.
- No rating.
- As Storm does his "If I Can Be Serious For a Minute" line, a camera pans to a sign saying just that. GREAT production, and that's not sarcasm this time.
- Storm praises Jarrett, but says he's not from Calgary... Alberta, Canada.
- As the Anthem plays, we go to the booth. Madden stands, but Schiavone (who says "Hi, Mom!") and Hudson stay seated.
- Jarrett comes out with another guitar.
- Now this could be a MATCH.
- Storm starts with a single-leg takedown.
- They grapple into a Storm leg scissors.
- Jarrett whips Storm, who hits a shoulderblock.
- Jarrett with an armdrags, but Storm kicks Jarrett away.
- Lock-up into the corner, and both men deck each other out of a break.
- Storm sends Jarrett outside.
- Storm tries a pescado but misses.
- Back inside, Jarrett goes into a figure-four.
- Storm lays down for a two-count.
- Storm struggles to reverse the move, but Jarrett makes the ropes.
- Jarrett whips Storm, who comes off the ropes into a crucifix for two.
- Jarrett with a cradle for two.
- Storm comes back with a suplex, but Jarrett rolls him into a pin attempt for two.
- Storm kicks Jarrett in the face.
- Storm applies a jawbreaker and nails a missile dropkick for two.
- Storm slams Jarrett and goes up top.
- Jarrett cuts Storm off and gets an uppercut to the face.
- Jarrett and Storm fight on the top turnbuckle.
- Superplex by Jarrett!
- Both men are down at 3:30.
- Jarrett puts an arm on Storm for two.
- Jarrett comes off the ropes but Storm blocks a punch and hits three of his own.
- Storm blocks a kick off the ropes and ducks an enziguri.
- Storm then puts on the Canadian Mapleleaf!
- Jarrett makes it to the ropes.
- Seconds later, Jarrett hits The Stroke for the win!
- YOUR WINNER: Jeff Jarrett via Stroke in 4:42.
- Jarrett wins CLEAN! Holy shit!
- Post-match, Scott Steiner (w/ pipe) gets in the ring and threatens Ric Flair.
- Steiner goes to the back and drags Jimmy Hart around.
- Steiner then beats on the C. E. O.'s door.
- Steiner sees someone at a set of double-doors and walks toward it.
- Some masked guy (who looks like La Parka, but he isn't) then gets into a brawl with Steiner, and we fade...
- Finally, WCW listens to me and has Jarrett go over without any bullshit ending. I would have preferred a Storm win to put a new face in the upper card, but having him work good matches with Rey, Jr. and Jarrett satisfies me.
¼