WCW Thunder--Wednesday, November 22nd,
Yes, they asked me to come back.
Well, no. Not really. Alright. I'll level with you. Since I'd heard through
the grapevine that Bill was off to Florida to tempt a heel turn with the
in-laws, I snuck through the dog door at the Hallowed Halls to forcibly "sub"
for King Leo on another edition of Wednesday Night Thunder.
Of course, given the job I did the last time I was sulking around the joint,
I'm surprised he allowed me back at all. It isn't every day we get villagers with
torches and pitchforks on the front lawn, usually just the day after a Vince
Russo scripted PPV gets dumped on the public.
As per Schwahsylum House Rules, the
indomitable Swan will be using my skull
as an ottoman during the tenure of this telecast. Nitro was positively sedated,
the worser of two offerings on a bum Monday night, so we'll see if things got
any better after the WCW technical crew got their groove on and the second
We are TAPED hardaway for two hours of Thunder from the Richmond County Civic
Center in Augusta, Georgia!
- We get the rundown on the dirty details from "Monday". Clips of The
Natural Born and their impending collision with DDP and Kevin Nash, Booker T
and Lex Luger, and the Mighty Munster MENG.
Tony, Tenay and Patron Saint are talking about nothing in particular.
Mike Sanders, Mark Jindrak and Scott O'Haire make their way down to the ring,
with Sanders selling a head injury from his "match" with Goldberg "earlier in
Mike has a mic.
- Sanders mentions aforementioned contest "on Monday".
- Sidebar tangent, this schedule has to suck for the wrestlers. Considering
their company can't even reel in the talent, gimmicks and angles when they
have an entire week to mull it past the bookers, packing it all into one
shotgun blast taping has to be like working in an LSD circus.
- Flashback footage of Kwee-Wee and Squashberg. Sanders refers to the
charismatic one as "Kee-Wee", which prompts conniptions from Stevie Ray.
- Sanders makes the mistake of mentioning Triple M's name three times, which
prompts THE MUNSTER MENG to come out.
Match #1: The Natural Born Thrillers (Jindrak and O'Haire) vs. Meng
- Meng's hair has reached levels that Afro Sheen© never knew existed. If you
look closely, you can see a cat, a possum, two children and a Volkswagen Thing
caught in its tendrils.
- Jindrak and O'Haire pile on the clubbering to start.
- Sanders is taking advantage of the announcer's table and its open door
policy. If WCW is going to push their characters into play-by-play, they can
at least give them time to talk.
- O'Haire hits a flying clothesline while Jindrak stomps Meng's head.
- Meng comes back after thirty seconds of sluggish heel beating, landing a
Samoan Drop on Jindrak.
- Meng with boots in the corner.
- Jindrak comes in uninvited, and he and O'Haire answers Swan's prayers by
hitting their patented Not-Hardyz offense, including a sloppy interpretation
of "Poetry in Motion" that Meng counters with a headbutt.
- Meng stomps all over Jindrak while Tony sells up his toughness
- Very, very slow brawling by all three.
- Meng finally lands a stereo lowblow on the NBT's, and instantly clamps on
the Tongan Death Grip to both heels.
- The Natural Born Thrillers hit the ring to administer a seven-on-one
pounding that lasts about five minutes longer than anyone in the arena cares
- Finally, Diamond Dallas Page and Big Frumpy hit the ring and the heels hit
- YOUR WINNER BY SLOW MOTION DISQUALIFICATION: Meng.
- That was awful. The whole match moved like it was under ten feet of
Sanders and his boys stop on the ramp to exchange words with Nash and
- Sanders runs his mouth at DDP, challenging him to a match with one of the
Thrillers later tonight.
- Page says Sanders is more than welcome, but Mike declines.
- Stasiak: "What about me?"
- That sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't place..
- DDP: "You wanna get in it? Come get it."
- There's only so many ways you can rip off Bruce Campbell before it all
starts sounding like crass sexual euphemisms. I think we've hit the bottom.
- Sanders, being a nefarious hoodlum, makes the match a lumberjack affair.
- DDP accepts, and we show the only two fans Page has left after another
bumbled surgery bout and return. Where the hell is Kanyon?
- Swan: "Every time I see the Perfect Event I dash into the bathroom
and have a giant "upchuck" Palumbo. Or a regurga-tay-Shawn."
Scott Steiner is roaming around the backstage area.
- In case we didn't get the message before, his new shirt mentions being a
- Swan: "Only the absolute coolest guys wear shirts talking about
what "badasses" they are and how much "attitude" they have. I think they've
got like a billion of those shirts at the beach in bright neon colors. Maybe
we'll see Scotty's "U CANT TOUCH THIS!!!" shirt next week."
- Banjo sounds like Scooby.
We're back in the office of the World Championship Wrestling CEO and
full-time Nature Boy, Ric Flair.
- Swan: "Ric Flair is the CEO? He spent the first 20 years of his
wrestling career paying off referees and putting his feet up on the ropes to
pin people. After that he dressed up like a woman to beat up Hulk Hogan and
then got put in the mental hospital. Maybe we should f*** the whole "too close
to call" election and put O.J. in charge."
- Flair delivers the executive office's ruling on the Booker T-Scott Steiner
- He reasons that the only way to ensure that the main event at Mayhem
remains unbesmirched is to enforce a restraining order on both champion and
- In a nutshell, Steiner and Booker can't tangle 'til Sunday. If they do,
Booker's looking at a suspension and Steiner will lose his title shot.
- I love any angle where a CEO, President or Commissioner has to deliver a
motherly disciplinary action against rowdy employees.
When we head back into the arena, Two Count is in the ring.
- Sugar Shane still refers to them as "Three Count" amidst a diatribe about
- Swan: "Matt Three-Count and Jeff Three-Count are my favorite tag
team. They're 2XTREME!!!"
- For the sake of compliment, I have to say that Shane and Shannon's accents
are awesome. The truckful of guitars that Jeff Jarret got thrown into didn't
have this much twang.
- Two Count dances to NO heat. Yet another good idea gone to bollocks
through poor planning.
- And while I'm bitching, I miss the green circles.
Match #2: Yang (w/Leia Meow) vs. Shannon Helms (w/Sugar Shane) vs. Evan
Karagias (w/Jamie Knoble)
- This should actually kick ass.
- Yang and Leia make their way down first, to the sampled toll of the gong.
Test your might!
- Swan: "Leia Meow? I don't like many things in this life, but I like
Leia Meow. She makes me want to watch overrated cruiserweights miss spots."
- Flashback footage of the drama between the Yungs and Two Count.
- Evan and Knoble are out last, to more highlight clips.
- The bell rings, and Shannon and Evan rip into each other. Yang hangs back
in the corner while Shannon stomps a mudhole in his former partner.
- Evan recovers and throws Shannon over the top rope, as Yang flies in and
misses a rolling kick over Karagias' head. Evan with a rollup for two.
- Shannon slips back in, and beats down on Evan.
- Yang interrupts, putting Shannon on his knees with his They Call Me Bruce
eyepoke, repeating process on Evan.
- Irish whip on Evan to the opposite corner, followed by Yang's nice Tiger
- Tony, for whatever reason, makes a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reference.
- Evan is back in control following an irish whip reverse and pancake,
followed by his taunt. ("Driving the Cadillac", according to Stevie Ray.)
- Shannon is up, doubles Evan over and nails a sloppy Rocker Dropper.
- Yang locks up with Shannon, and they combine for an odd tilt-a-whirl thing
that looks like a swing dance step on crack. Finally, Yang just drops Shannon
and eats a horrible Lou Thesz press by Evan.
- Evan gorilla presses Yang to the floor, and Jamie puts the boots to HIS
- Evan reverses an irish whip, and dumps Shannon with a powerslam.
- With a good match commencing in the squared circle, we naturally go to
Leia and Yang. Leia apparently tried to smack Jamie Knoble, who is now yelling
- It's poignant, because Leia looks like she's ENJOYING the scolding. Throw
in the subtle poetry of Tony's announcing, and it's forshadowing as ONLY WCW
can bring to you!
- And the arena is very cold.
- Back in the ring, Evan has landed a spinebuster for a two count.
- Sugar Shane reaches in and drags Evan out onto the arena floow, but gets
whipped stiffly into the ring barrier for his trouble.
- Out of damn near nowhere, Yang cinches Shannon into a sort of a Kryptonite
Krunch Tombstone variation for the pin.
- YOUR WINNER AND SUBORDINATE: Yung Yang via pin.
- Leia and Yang whoop it up inside the ring while the losers regroup.
- Tank Abbott sure looks goofy in that thong during that N64 commercial.
- Yeah, I know it isn't really him.
Alex Wright is in the backstage catacombs.
- Alex is speaking flawless English again.
- Wright approaches Kronik, asking what they'd charge for help against the
Filthy Animals later in the evening.
- Kronik writes the amount down, and Wright has a coronary when he reads it.
- Swan: "Kronik's price keeps going up. Soon it's gonna cost a whole
glass of SHUT THE HELL UP to get Brian Adams on your team!"
- The camera is shaky, so you can be sure that this is CANDID.
- Wright manages to come up with half the amount, and Kronik discuss how to
complete the transaction.
We're in for a treat, as apparently Stevie Ray had the opportunity to conduct
an interview with Scott Steiner "yesterday".
- Steiner is sitting behind a plexiglass pane.
- Steiner taunts Stevie to begin with, prompting Stevie to explain that the
plexiglass is there because he doesn't trust Scotty after what he did to Mike
- It's still a hurricanrana.
- Steiner talks about Halloween Havoc in a semi-intelligible manner.
- Then he negates the above sentence by rambling off on a tangent about
- I notice, due to the camera moving over too far, that this plexiglass was
erected by the same contractors who put together the Acolyte's door.
- Scott goes off, censored all the way.
- Swan: "Scott Steiner says he "played" Booker T. When no one was
around him, he said baby he loved him if he ain't playing game. He's acting
kindy shady...aint' callin' him baby... why the sudden change? "
- This thing has more awkward pauses than a first date. Sheesh.
- Booker suddenly shows up, and brains Steiner with a steel chair. As crack
security pries the men apart, we "lose the feed" to static.
- Stevie Ray really is the Clint Howard of World Championship Wrestling. He
saved the time and film it took to record that debacle by virtue of his
- Twenty-five days of Christmas Movies, and not a Santa Claus: The Movie
among them? What the hell is this world coming to?
The Filthy Animals are on their way to the ring.
- I had the opportunity to watch the "Women of WCW" feature that aired a
couple weeks back, and I have to say, the one thing that stuck out above all
else was how well Tygress and Paisely work in the Power Plant. One has to
wonder what gets lost in the translation when it's time to get going in front
of the cameras.
- K-Dawg has the mic, and sleepwalks through his catchphrases.
- Rey looks like he's reading a cue card.
- Kidman gets the stick last, and ends up getting himself censored for about
- Out comes Alex Wright, the source of their derision.
- Wright mentions that he's found opposition for the Animals..
- Clark is all greased up with noplace to go, but Adams has his Hardyzware
street clothes on. The announcers make note of it in another storytelling
Match #3: The Filthy Animals (Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Billy Kidman w/Konnan and
Tygress) vs. Brian Clark (w/Brian Adams and Alex Wright)
- Kidman and Clark set things off, with Clark dominating in big man fashion.
- Boots, chops, Kidman in peril. Tygress has joined on commentary, as Clark
plants Kidman in the corner and pushes the big boot home.
- Kidman comes off the ropes into an armdrag takeover, and keeps Clark off
his feet with a dropkick.
- Tag to Rey, and a doubleteam irish whip sends Clark into the corner.
- Kidman attempts a Ruff Ryder, but Clark crotches him with his foot. Rey
barrels in next, and nails his.
- Rey continues to zigzag around Clark like a housefly while the talking
heads make mention of his debunked "Giant Killer" gimmick. I could have
thought of better uses for Scott Norton at the twilight of his WCW career.
- Clark stops the David and Goliath act with a HUGE chokeslam out of a
wheelbarrow suplex. Rey bounced, quite literally, on that one.
- Rey manages to come back with a dropkick to the knees and a DDT that looks
like a Vegas casino being demolished.
- Kidman tags and hits a missile dropkick. Clark foolishly attempts a
powerbomb (Not an Adam Bomb, mind you) on Kidman, and The Animals dogpile for
a pin, but can only get two.
- Clark kicks Rey to the ground, but walks into a Billy Kidman bodyslam. The
- Wright trips Kidman, who then stumbles right into the High Times.
- Rey looks RIGHT AT HIS PARTNER EATING THE FINISHER, then slides out to
attack Wright. The fracas gets the attention of the referee, who misses the
- Clark mails in The Meltdown during the pileup for three.
- YOUR WINNER AND STILL ALL ABOUT THE KRONIK: Brian Clark via pinfall.
- Mickey Rooney? Jiminy Jillickers!
- Swan: "The Buff Bagwell mastercard. Use it to buy lots of really,
really queer stuff."
When we come back, Mike Sanders is on the phone.
- Scott Steiner stomps in, smashes up the place (and a plant) and demands a
match with anybody to vent his rage on. Sanders complies, and we move on.
Scheme Gene is with Reno and Bam-Bam Bigelow.
- Pretty generic heel stuff, but Bam-Bam makes mention of Crowbar's gas
station attendant gimmick!
- Hey, at least he didn't end up in the "Wrestling Jesus" character Vince
Russo had reportedly been considering. Though a feud with Rey Mysterio would
have been epic.
- Though not as good as the Vampiro-Demon angle from last year.
- Reno meanders through his lines, and we go to another backstage peep-cam.
DDP and Nash are loafing in the men's locker room.
- Lord, they even CUT A PROMO listlessly.
And here's Vito with his two cents!
- What the hell is this, The Real World?
- "Nash ate all the Hamdingers last night, and I'd swear he and Reno are
using all the toilet paper on purpose.. if I see either one of them touching
my snacks again, I'm going to CANE THEM WITH A BAMBOO SWORD!"
- Anyways, Sanders interrupts his cutting on Reno over Mayhem.
- Sanders threatens to yank Vito from the Three the Hard Way hardcore title
match at the Pay Per View if he doesn't comply with commissioner's orders.
- Presumably, those orders include taking on Nash later in the night.
- As Sanders leaves, Vito refers to him as "Parmesian Face". WTF?
Recap of the Steiner-Booker melodrama and the recent Nash-DDP-slash-NBT
- If Flair clearly stated that he doesn't care about The Streak, then why
the hell are we still milking the Goldberg desperation angle?
- Swan: "At Mayhem we will see something we cannot imagine! Samurai
space ninja robot animals battling Chinese mafia lesbian schoolgirls!"
And in the back, Booker is WALKING.
- If WCW wants a crossover that will draw ratings, then they need to book
the Slim Jim Guy in a couple cruiserweight bouts. He's got that "attitude" all
the kids are into these days.
The Natural Born Thrillers are with Gene Mean.
- Stasiak talks REALLY fast. So fast that it takes a second for everyone to
realize that he's doing an ape of The Rock.
- Stasiak bites off the end of his rant to spite Gene, which prompts
Okerlund to call him a jackass.
- Gene does his "prick" bit on the rest of the NBTs, and O'Haire tries to
- The Thrillers head out, telling Gene to get Pamela Paulshock to interview
them next time, as she's easier to look at.
We interrupt this dead space for a not-so-special look back on the Sanders
versus Goldberg splat.
Booker T is on his way out.
- Recaps of the Nitro main event and its DELICIOUS INTRIGUE.
- Booker has the mic.
- Booker runs down all those "playah hatahs" in WCW, and reminds us that
they'll have to kill him to get the title from him.
- Booker apologizes for delivering The Bookend to Major Gunns.
- He also apologizes to Sting for chair shotting him.
- Then ties it up by saying that he's through kissing ass for tonight, and
it's time to get down to business.
- Booker says that he and Goldberg can handle their business wherever--in
the ring, in the parking lot, just come correct.
- Booker says he's got six little words for Goldberg:
- "Don't hate the player, hate the game."
- Yes, that is seven words. Technically, eight.
- Before we have time to realize the mistake, the OTHER gong sounds, and out
- Goldberg plays up respect for Booker before mentioning that he saved T's
ass on Monday Night.
- No, not "Big T".
- Goldberg beats around the bush, then says he's coming for the belt after
Sunday, no matter who has it.
- Goldberg offers Booker good luck and a handshake--and Booker WISELY checks
for audience reaction before taking the offer up!
- I want my stereo to explode with sound when I hit the heater with my foot.
When we come back, The Cat, Miss Jones and Buff Bagwell are with Mean
- Bagwell does his thing, like Caesar Romero's version of the Joker. He does
make mention of Sting's long-forgotten "Franchise" moniker though.
- Cat says he'll tag with his own mother in order to get in the ring with
- Please. Please, no. Don't EVER say those things, ESPECIALLY within the
presence of Buff Bagwell.
Shane Douglas and Torrie are on their way down the aisle.
- I have to say, Shane's looking rather svelte these days. Hamburglar no
- Franchise dumps on Buff, then says he's got a surprise partner that he's
Choo-Choo-Chosen specially for tonight.
- Jeff Jarrett makes his way out. That's like waiting for a Red Ryder
carbine air rifle on Christmas Day and getting a clip-on tie.
- Jarrett rambles, and wonders aloud if Buff if supposed to be The Grinch or
Dr. Seuss with that hat on after saying he "isn't going to go there."
- That's in the same special education class with Sid's comment about "being
half as dumb as he is".
Buff comes out, followed by the Cat and Ms. Jones. The four bodies collide in
the ring and our "match" is underway.
Match #4: Buff Bagwell and The Cat (w/Miss Jones) vs. "The Chosen One" Jeff
Jarrett and "The Franchise" Shane Douglas (w/Torrie Wilson)
- The Cat gets the better of Douglas, who ends up eating ten punches in the
- Cat stops at all points of his slappy karate offense before Douglas stops
him with an eye poke.
- Cobra clutch sleeper applied by Douglas! That was random.
- The cat hulks up and rolls Douglas with a judo toss.
- Both men try for their respective corners, and Douglas manages the tag
while the Cat gets cut off. Tag back to Douglas, who pounds on Miller.
- A quick tag BACK to Jarrett, who sends the Cat into the ropes. Miller
ducks a double clothesline and takes the heels down with a flat double
- Miller gets the hot tag to Buff, who cleans house in a satisfying eighties
- Buff with his lame double-arm DDT on Jarrett for two.
- Jarrett gets belted out of the ring, and Bagwell goes after him. Inside,
the Cat hits a short superkick to Douglas's midsection.
- During a two-second lull, Torrie and Miss Jones are tussling on the arena
floor. Since this is a match four days before a Pay Per View, the referee
heads outside to break up the flying fur and admonish Miss Jones (For whatever
reason) to the locker room.
- Jarrett hits The Stroke on the Cat and covers, but it ain't happening.
- While Miss Jones is protesting, Torrie grabs the Slapnuts Six-String and
slides into the ring. She holds Miller for an el kabong, but the Cat ducks the
- Buff screws up the Blockbuster, but we get the general idea. While
covering for the win, Douglas slips in and brains Bagwell with a loaded fist.
- Jarrett rolls him over for the three.
- YOUR WINNERS AND STILL DASTARDLY BAD GUYS: Jeff Jarrett and Shane Douglas.
- Great match, had I still been eleven years old.
- Andy Dick sucks. That is all.
Mean Gene is standing by with Crowbar and Mike Awesome.
- Crowbar is the only thing worth mentioning about what commences from this
point on. Hell, I suppose the hardcore title is better than selling stuntshow
bumps for The Wall.
Scott Steiner is in the ring.
- Steiner gurgles on the mic. Basically, it's the same song and dance as he
unloaded on Stevie Ray in the interview earlier.
- He'll be facing..
- Big Vito, who, to his credit, has a nice little fan following considering
he's been bounced off of more prematurely dead angles than a pinball.
Match #5: Scott Steiner vs. Big Vito
- Steiner moves out of the ring to get in Stevie Ray's face, then gets
slapped for his trouble.
- Vito attacks from behind and lands a series of his old-school jabs.
- Decent chant for St. Stevie.
- In the ring, Steiner snags control with a belly-to-belly and his push-ups.
- Clothesline off the ropes for two.
- Steiner gets in Scott James' face for a slow count. Hell, it beats jobbing
to The Barbarian.
- Steiner with a side backbreaker, and Tony makes mention of the "arrogant
cover" he uses for another two count. I've seen better.
- Stevie takes more abuse as Steiner heads out of the ring and shoots Vito
into the railing.
- Stevie goes ballistic, but restrains himself while Steiner sends in a
clothesline in the corner.
- Chops and a double underhook suplex.
- Steiner continues to dominate with his tree of woe and stranglehold
- Vito ducks an Irish whip, and turns the tide with a double-arm capture
suplex and a flying elbow for two!
- Vito with a suplex variation and a swandive headbutt for another two.
- Vito secures a bridge for ANOTHER two.
- Vito goes up top again and gets crotched for his trouble. Steiner climbs
up after him and sends him sprawling with a T-Bone suplex off the top
- Steiner Recliner applied. Easy tap.
- YOUR WINNER AND STILL FRIGHTENING: Scott Steiner via submission.
- As we cut to commercials, Steiner is heading for the announcer's table
When we return, Bam-Bam Bigelow is heading towards the ring.
Match #6: Bam-Bam Bigelow and Reno vs. Crowbar and Mike Awesome (Hardcore
Rules Tag Match)
- Looks like he got his ink touched up after the burns had healed.
- Peppered flashback bits from Nitro and Thunder on the rising aggression
between Bigelow and Mike Awesome.
- Reno is next.
- It's time, once again, for everyone to come aboard the SUCKASS GIMMICK
- Crowbar and Mike Awesome make their way down with a barrel full of
- Reno starts us off in the ring, which is looking like a landfill at the
moment. Cane shots on Crowbar, with the action quickly dumping to the arena
- Awesome comes in for a suicide dive, but eats a trashcan lid.
- Shades of the Mexican Hardcore Match from a bygone era.
- Crowbar tries a springboard asai moonsault, but neither Bigelow or Reno
even TRY to catch him on the downward arc. Good lord. If he hadn't managed to
tuck and roll a bit, he would have snapped his neck.
- Bigelow and Awesome are paired up, brawling up the aisle to the stage.
Crowbar and Reno exchange control with generic garbage give and take.
- Eventually, all four end up punching and drooling on the stage before
Bigelow grabs Crowbar and drags him back to the ring.
- Bigelow grabs a mop and "mops" Crowbar's head with the cleaning end.
Hopefully, it didn't come out of the same bucket Eric Bischoff used to blind
- Tony is working in a shill for EA Sports' "WCW: Backstage Assault" game
while all this is going on. Tangent skewing south, you'd be better off buying
a copy of WWF No Mercy and creating your own WCW wrestlers with their
expansive Create-a-Wrestler mode. Tighter control, better setup, more modes
and hell, at the very least, you can fight IN THE RING in the TH*Q title.
- Reno finally brings Awesome back on the canvas, and goes to work on his
- Bigelow with a "cake pan" shot on Crowbar for two. Awesome breaks it up,
and Bigelow and Crowbar end up on the floor.
- During the sequence, Crowbar chairs Bigelow, who returns the favor by
throwing a pie pan at Crowbar. The pan goes askew and hits some kid in the
- Good way to tell when your hardcore matches are getting a bit too
piss-poor: fans are bringing lawyers with them to the front row seats.
- ##INSERT WADE AND ALDO-BRAND GARBAGE BRAWLING© HERE##
- Crowbar and Awesome pair up to deliver a series of shot's to Bigelow's gut
before ROLLING him into the first table. Seriously, they practically held his
hand into the bump.
- The faces move outside, where Awesome sets Reno atop a table at the crown
of the ring.
- Moving back inside, Awesome powerbombs a willing Crowbar over the ropes,
THROUGH Reno and the table. Good to see that Crowbar can still dust off the
psycho gimmick when the crowd is snoozing.
- Bigelow manages some utterly halfassed slop-tackle on Awesome, who sells
it like a champ and sends himself through the second table. You could hear the
groan of disappointment audibly from the crowd.
- On the arena floor, Reno gets an arm on Crowbar, which prompts the referee
to count three up for the bad guys.
- YOUR WINNER AND SANITATION ENGINEER SUPERSTARS: Bam-Bam Bigelow and Reno
- Words cannot express how awful that was.
- Swan: "Thunder is boring. I'm gonna go eat some White Castle
- To quote the immortal Groucho Marx: "I HAVE to stay here, but there's no
reason why you folks can't go out to the lobby until this thing blows over."
When we return, the lumberjacks are streaming out of the backstage area.
- As by the rulebook, all current feuds and angles are dismissed as Jamie
Knoble walks out with Yung Yang and members of MIA can be seen within kicking
distance of Team Canada.
PerfectShawn and Mike Sanders are out next. Diamond Dallas Page is TALKING TO
HIMSELF AND WALKING AT THE SAME TIME!
Match #7: Shawn Stasiak vs. "Diamond" Dallas Page
- All cynical kvetching aside, it's good to see DDP back. I've always been a
big fan of his work ethic and enthusiasm, even if he is supposedly "too
eighties" in delivery.
- PerfectShawn and Page go nose-to-nose to start off, jawing.
- Whip, DDP blocks, delivers a kick and a clothesline.
- Shawn gets dumped outside, where the lumberjacks converge and HELP HIM UP.
Thankfully, Page breaks up the logic void with a suicide plancha.
- Shortly after this, the ENTIRE LUMBERJACK CONTINGENCY starts fighting
amongst themselves before moving in a neat and orderly fashion up the entrance
ramp, and vanishing into the backstage area.
- Well, at least they tried to import some common sense. There is that.
- In the ring, Stasiak is punking DDP out with punches, kicks, and a
hangman's chokehold on the ropes.
- The Thrillers move out to replace the forty or so lumberjacks, followed
shortly afterward by Big Sluffy.
- Stasiak with a sloppy fireman's carry into a gutwrencher.
- PerfectShawn with a sleeper. Page hulks up, but gets stymied with punches
and a boot choke.
- Perfect Shawn with boots in the corner.
- DDP looks like a freezedried Alex Winter.
- Page comes back with an irish whip into a boot, then a snapmare for two.
- Jungle Boy hits a loaded punch amidst a fracas, but NASH THE HERO drags
the referee out of the ring before he can make the polluted count.
- Stasiak hefts DDP for a gorilla press slam, but Page slips out and drives
the Diamond Cutter home on the way to the ground!
- The referee is still being hugged and fondled by Nash, so Palumbo comes in
and whacks Page with a steel chair. He then rolls PerfectShawn onto him IN
FRONT OF THE REFEREE, who counts three.
- YOUR WINNER AND INEXPLICABLY VICTORIOUS GUY: PerfectShawn Stasiak.
- Continuity makes a rare appearance as Nash takes offense to the referee's
role in the screwjob, and the talking heads play up the official's negligence
in DQ'ing the heels.
- So much so, that he solves things through the universal method and
powerbombs the referee. Beloved wrestling, you teach us.. so much.
- And we fade.
Quite frankly, this show blew phlegm all over the faces of those of us who
had the frame of mind to sit through it. WCW is doing the right thing by keeping
the mix on a high whirl and by encompassing more of their roster into the span
of their shows, but for God's sake, the angles they keep coming up with would
have been mothballed ten years ago.
Yes, the formulas DO work, but there has to be some sort of fuel
overshadowing the simplicity of what makes wrestling so great. Having Guy A beat
up Guy B with a wad of tape then rolling Guy C onto Guy A for the cheap win just
isn't enough for the audience anymore. They need a reason to care. It's a nice
start, but until they find a rudder who gives a damn about where the company is
rapidly drifting, WCW is going to be dead and bloated on yesterday's beach real
The Good: Nice showings by Yang and Jamie Knoble. Big Vito continues to defy
the odds and logic by getting crowd support FAR out of the range of his spot on
the card. Crowbar has finally found himself a niche that will hopefully--and I
do always stress fading hope--lead to better things.
The Bad: Way too much blah-blah, none of it moving in a specific direction.
The fine art of promo-cutting is only a valuable tool for character development
when applied to a guy who can use it to his advantage, sic. a Chris Jericho or
Crowbar. A little dialogue coaching and a lot of script surgery can make a WORLD
The Ugly: A show so generally stinking that even the unsinkable SWAN ran off
to White Castle. Whew.
That's all from me. Have yourselves a great and safe Turkey Day.
Oh, and all hatemail goes to THIS
box. Er, yeah. That's it. =)
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