WCW Thunder - Wednesday, September 13, 2000

By King Leo of King Leo's Wrestling Homepage

I can't believe it's that time of week again where I share the excitement of watching WCW Thunder from my apartment with you, my faithful readers.

It's a little humbling to think that I'm basically inviting the world into my apartment to see what's going on in my head as I watch Thunder. So, world, make yourself at home, but keep your feet off my couch and don't touch my stuff.

Trivia Question: Who were the four men who "Macho Man" Randy Savage faced in the WrestleMania IV World Title Tournament? Bonus Question: In the final match, who marred the ending by running in and hitting Savage's opponent with a chair? Rhetorical Essay Question: Why did they ruin a perfectly good tournament by having him run in?

Thanks to all for sending their comments about last week's report. Crippler, if you're reading this, and I know you are, I've implemented your suggestion.
HB let me know that it wasn't Bobby Heenan who said that Uncle Elmer and his bride looked like two carp going after the same piece of corn, it was Minnesota Governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Bobby Heenan described two female wrestlers as looking like two ladies fighting over a scarf at Bloomingdales. I regret any confusion this may have caused.

Think about that for a minute: Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura (Ind.-MN). To a long-time wrestling fan like myself, that would be like maybe having Secretary of State Triple H (Dem.-CT) or Speaker of the House "The Chosen One" Jeff Jarrett.
One little interesting tidbit: I have SuperBrawl II on video and the commentators are Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Jim Ross. At one point in the show, The Body tells Jim Ross that he needs to start wearing a cowboy hat and calls him JR.

I've got a theory on who the father of Ms. Hancock's (Stacy Kiebler's) unborn child is. It's Dink, Doink the Clown's midget companion. That way, when the baby's born we have a new midget wrestler: The Keebler Elf.
I'm going to borrow some of the ideas from the Nitro wedding to use in my own wedding, which at the rate I'm going will probably be held at Hell's Ice Palace. Namely, I'm going to get Arn Anderson to dispense words of advice and give all my guests theme music.

There were two parts of the actual ceremony that I thought were absolutely hilarious. The first was when the preacher called the crowd at a wrestling event a "holy congregation" and the second came when everyone in the ring looked down the aisle expecting something to happen when the preacher did the "speak now or forever hold your peace" bit.
OK, then we had Arn Anderson said his advice was just between himself and David, but he gave it into the microphone; of course since it was Arn Anderson doing it, it was by default the right thing to do. Then, there was the ending of it all when David was horribly shocked by the news that it wasn't his kid but not so horribly shocked that he couldn't still say everything into the microphone.

One more random thought before we get to the report: Wouldn't it be funny if it turned out that it was Shawn Stasiak who ran over Steve Austin at Survivor Series last year?

Is watching Ripley's Believe it or not before Thunder part of anyone else's weekly routine? Without it, Thunder just wouldn't be the same.
We start the show with Ms. Jones telling the Cat via cell phone that everything's taken care of, but Jeff Jarrett takes the phone, tells him that Miss Jones has some "chosen business," and Double J leads her away.

David Flair harasses some guy in back and asks him if he's the father of the baby.

Wouldn't it be funny if Shawn Stasiak was the father of the baby?

We are once again coming to you not live, despite the announcers' half-hearted attempts to make us believe otherwise. This time, we're on tape from somewhere in Virginia. This week, I've even set the VCR in case my computer turns off randomly or someone calls. I don't have an HTML editor yet, but I did get a word processor that I can use to type in a format that I can convert into HTML on another computer.

Kevin Nash's music starts out. He's flanked by Big Poppa Tut and Jarrett, but Jarrett (with Miss Jones) leads the way down the aisle.

We see Nash throw Booker T through the Awesome Bus of Love from Nitro.
Nash takes the mic and wants to know who's most gullible and tells us (the fans) how stupid we are and how he plays us like fiddles.
Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray, and Mike Tenay are the announcers.
Nash talks about the cage match at Fall Brawl
Sir Pumpalot (credit: Kevin Nash) takes the mic and talks about sex. They're not even double entendres; he just talks about sex.
Steiner talks about having the largest arms in the world.

So I guess that one guy that WCW showed once and never mentioned again died or had some incredible arm shrinkage.

We show The Cat arriving and Jarrett talks about his victory over Miss Jones on Nitro.
Jarrett says he's going to hit Miss Jones with the guitar, but Booker T's music plays and out come Booker T and The Cat.
Booker and Miller take their sweet time getting to the ring.
Booker calls for a mic.
Booker channels the spirit of Rick Rude and says, "Cut the music."
Booker says at Fall Brawl he'll win the title for all the people in "this arena."
Booker has six words for the playa haters in the ring: "Save the drama for your mama."
The Cat talks and tells of the big surprise. Our main event tonight will be Kevin Nash & Scott Steiner vs. Booker T & The Cat. The one who gets the fall gets the title. He also books a match between Jeff Jarrett and . . .
Sting's seizure-inducing entrance starts and we see Sting in the people with a bat.
Apparently Jarrett's wrestling Sting tonight.
That makes it the second Sting/Jarrett match that I've reported on at DDT Digest.
The heels in the ring grab Dave Penzer and he gets the guitar shot instead.

The Filthy Animals are in back, and Disco Inferno tells them that he's booked a three-way dance between Juvi and Misterio, Kroni(backward k), and the Harris Brothers in a non-title match.

Disco says that if the Filthy Animals win, they'll be ranked number 1 in WOW Magazine.

I'm a PWI guy myself, so that match doesn't mean much.

We have a shoot interview with The Nature Boy himself tonight.
We come back to the ~~Finish Line commercial~~ Thunder Tailgate Party.
The Awesome Bus of Extreme Ugliness pulls up.

Mike Awesome is "not happy" about what happened to his bus on Thunder.

Mene Gene is in back with the Filthy Animals.

Disco's booked a match against Jindrak & O'Haire. His partner was going to be Konnan, but since Konnan doesn't have clearance to wrestle, Tygress will be the partner.

Match #1: Natural Born Thrillers (Mark Jindrak & Sean O'Haire) vs. Filthy Animals (Disco Inferno & Tygress)

Mike Sanders "Listen up. This mic ain't on."
Mike was suspended for leading the attack on "Mr. Not So Wonderful."

Sanders is talking about sex, too.

Sanders introduces the new genetic jackass, Johnny the Bull.
Johnny the Bull said it felt "really good" to beat down Big Vito.
We see the said beatdown thanks to the miracle of video.
Disco and Tygress come out alone.
Disco wrestles a while and Tygress gets tagged in.
Tygress gets tossed back and forth and gets the weakest atomic drop from (I think) Jindrak that I've ever seen.
Disco runs off.
Jindrak tries a bronco buster but misses.
Tygress hits the bronco buster, but Jindrak lifts her and nails a sitout powerbomb.
O'Haire hits the seanton bomb for the three.

Your winners: Mark Jindrak & Sean O'Haire.
The Filthy Animals run out.
The rest of the Natural Born Thrillers come out and beat down the Animals.
That really sucked. And that's putting it nicely.

Starburst Fruit Chews sponsors David Flair asking referee Mark Johnson if he is the father.

The ref responds that if it were him, he'd be telling everybody about it.
Flair responds with a mop to the back.

Elix Skipper and Lance Storm in back talking when Major Gunns comes in.

Major Gunns: "Can I please go out there?"
Lance Storm: "What?"
Major Gunns: "Can I please go oot there, eh?"

Yes! Up next is the Lava Lamp Lounge.

We know that because Mike Awesome's walking in back.

Did I mention that Pamela Paulshock is the ring announcer tonight due to David Penzer's guitar shot? No? Well, read the first sentence of this paragraph starting with the word "Pamela" and substitute a period for the question mark.
Booker T, Sting, and Booker T are in the back making strategy.
Sting whines about not being in the main event for quite some time.
Sting asks Booker for a title shot on Nitro if Booker wins at Fall Brawl.
The Filthy Animals are in the back again.
Disco says it's not his fault they lost the last match.

Lava Lamp Lounge Time

Mike Awesome is sprawled out on the Hideous Couch of Extreme Ugliness and his guest is Major Gunns.

She must be Canadian because she's got a Canadian top, unless someone forced it on her.

They sit down this week.
I think my Dad has the same suit that Mike Awesome does.
Major Gunns says Lance Storm is driving her bonkers.
Mike Awesome suggests a massage for Major Gunns.
Major Gunns is way too excited.
Lance Storm's music plays.
Out come Storm and Skipper.
Skipper and Awesome brawl, and Awesome gorilla presses him through the backdrop.
The MIA's music plays, and Hugh Morrus says that Major Gunns is not Canadian.
Storm says that if Jim Duggan and Hugh Morrus can beat Storm and Skipper in a tag match, they can have Major Gunns back.
Mike Awesome says you never know what's going to happen on the Lava . .

Well, a janitor attacks Mike Awesome and hits a stroke before he can finish, which means it's really Jeff Jarrett.

Jarrett tells us to get ready for Slapnuts Theater next week.

For the benefit of my good friend Allen, who I know is reading this, I'll ask his standard, probably rhetorical, question: "What's a slapnut?"

Here's a look at Booker T, Big Vito, and Buff Bagwell ~~selling their soul to Valvoline~~ at the Thunder Tailgate Party.
Jim Duggan's in back reading a newspaper.

Hugh Morrus explains what happened in the last segment.

Apparently Duggan showed up at Thunder for the sole purpose of read a newspaper in back since this match is spontaneous.

Duggan starts a USA chat.

Some dude in the back and his kid ask for a picture with ~~Edge and Christian~~ Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner.

Nash says it doesn't come cheap.
The dude pays Nash and Steiner $60 for a photo.
The kid's name is Cameron.

Pay attention because that's going to be a trivia answer in about five years.

Steiner covered Cameron's face, too.

Match #2: Shane Douglas & Torrie Wilson vs. Billy Kidman & Madusa

Shane Douglas's music plays.
The announcers say the Jarrett/Sting match will be a best-of-three-falls match!
Shane Douglas cuts his promo about the Pittsburgh Plunge Scaffold match.
Douglas says if he loses the match at Fall Brawl, he'll refund everyone's money.
Madusa and Kidman come out.
It's a mixed tag match, apparently.
This will be the first scaffold match on a WCW pay-per-view in nine years because of the ~~suckiness~~ danger level of the scaffold match.
I look up and Douglas has Madusa in the STF.
Kidman's chasing Torrie through the stands.
Douglas releases the STF to go to Torrie's aid.
Douglas and Kidman kind of brawl next to a balcony.
Torrie gets hit over a balcony, but holds on and Douglas saves her.

Actually, that's a bit generous as Torrie grabs the balcony railing and jumps over.

Your winner: The bell rings, so I'm guessing it was a double countout.

Mene Gene, Kidman, and Madusa are talking in back.

More promo for the scaffold match.

Buff Bagwell tries to sell me a credit card.

Buff Daddy ceased to fool me long ago.

Here's the Ric Flair interview conducted yesterday.

They talk about the wedding.
Ric says that the past five years have been a roller coaster ride with the company.
He talks about how great a moment the wedding should have been.
He says that all the goings-on with David are part of becoming a man and part of the business.
Mike Tenay asks why Ric Flair is being interviewed if he's no longer competing.

Flair answers that it's because Mike Tenay asked for an interview.

Flair says he's beaten everybody who's anybody in wrestling.
I forgot that Flair lost a retirement match.
He says it was a mistake to bring his family with him when he did.
Flair says that for 28 years promoters have been trying to get him to shave his head.
Mike Tenay respects Ric Flair.
Mike Tenay shows that respect by asking Ric if he's the father of the baby.
Flair says that Tenay's just a product of Russo and that the question is bull(mute)t.
Flair walks off.

They show that Pep Boys commercial where the guy forgets his briefcase and backs over a tire shredder when he backs up to go get it. I don't think anyone that stupid should be allowed to drive anyway.
David Flair asks Fit Finlay if he's the father.

Finlay says David needs to calm down.

Slim Jims, AOL, Lean Pockets, a blind ref, the burning freezer, and Tae Bo bring us Thunder.

Match #3: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting in a best-of-three-falls match

Jeff Jarrett comes down the aisle.
Sting attempts to induce an epileptic seizure in Jarrett with his entrance.

That may seem a bit tasteless, but that's probably because you've never experienced his entrance live.

Jarrett quotes Rick Rude.
Jarrett says that he should get the title shot after Fall Brawl.
They both grab mics and have a verbal brawl.
Sting suggests that this match be a number one contender's match.
Sting starts a "Slappy" chant.
Jarrett accepts the challenge.
The bell rings.
There's a 10-second break between falls.
They stall a bit, but it's really the feeling-out process.
Jarrett whips Sting into the ropes, but Sting comes back with a shoulderblock.
Stevie Ray thinks the last best-of-three-falls match in WCW was Wahoo McDaniel vs. Dusty Rhodes.
This match may go a while because they're really going slow now.
Stevie Ray notices too.
Sting clotheslines Jarrett over the ropes and Jarrett hits the Safety Rail of Pain.
They're brawling at the announce table.
Sting . . . well, he dumps a bottle of water on Jarrett's back.
Sting and Jarrett go to the back.
Sting suplexes Jarrett on the entrance stage.
Jarrett gets back to the ring first, and jumps Sting when he gets back in.
Jarrett pounds Sting's head into the turnbuckle twice.
Jarrett avoids a Stinger splash.
He doesn't avoid a top-rope clothesline, though.
He goes up again with a top-rope splash.

But only gets a two count!

Jarrett hits a low blow while the ref isn't paying attention and a stroke to win the first fall.
They're outside again.
They're by the announce table again.
Stevie Ray says it's the only table they've got again.
Jarrett throws Sting onto the table and pounds on him.
Jarrett gets back in, they wrestle a bit, and Sting gets a quick pin with a rollup.
Sting has a sleeper on Jarrett, but those haven't worked in ages.
Jarrett gets a sleeper on Sting.
The ref's checking on Sting.
He lifts Sting arm once, twice, thrice, but Sting's arm stays up and here come the clubbering.
Nope, just an Irish whip into another sleeper.
Jarrett counters it with a suplex-type move and both men go down.
Referee Mickey Jay gets the double count up to 8.
Jarrett gets up and goes for the cover, but only gets a two count.
Jarrett hammers Sting's head into the turnbuckle.
Sting goes for the Stinger splash, but hits the ref instead.
Jarrett pulls the new referee (Mark Johnson) in the way, but Sting hits the Stinger splash anyway.
Both refs are knocked out and Sting applies the Scorpion death lock.
Jarrett is out, but there's still no ref.
So finally, Sting just yells out, "Ring the bell" and gets the win, I guess.
The announcers hint that it may not have been an official win, but it's good enough for me, so:

Your winner: Sting, two falls to one.
Kind of a goofy ending, but not as bad as some of the pins I've seen where nobody's covering.

This Week in Motorsports.

Jeff Jarrett was hanging out with Blaze Alexander.
Jarrett's being the classic heel signing autographs and smiling warmly.

Actually, I'd describe Jarrett's grin as "crap-eating."

They talk a lot about "slapnuts."

What's a slapnut?

Match #4: World Tag Team champions Filthy Animals (Juventud Guerrera & Rey Misterio Jr.) vs. Kroni(backwards k) vs. Ron & Don Harris in a non-title #1 WOW ranking match

My computer picks this time to magically turn off.
It's sad, but by the time I get everything back up, the match is over.
Don't fret, though, because I started recording as soon as my computer went out.
The champs come out, followed by the Harrii and Kroni(backward k).
The Harrises and Kronik brawl outside the ring before the match.
Clarke and one of the Harrises are inside the ring.
The Harris hits a low blow and Clarke goes down.
Disco Inferno's at the announce table and asks to speak. Our Patron Saint denies permission.

The blasphemous Disco Inferno speaks anyway.

The Harrises have a chain.
Double Irish whip by Ron 'n' Don, but Adams counters it with a clothesline.
Rey and Juvi hit a double missile dropkick on a Harris.
Disco is again denied permission to speak by Stevie.
Kronik hits the High Time and gets the pin.

Your winners: Kronik
After the match, the Harrises use a bat wrapped in chain to beat the stuffing out of Kronik.

David Flair's walking, and the announcers say he's walking to the ring.

Just once I'd like to see a guy just turn around and start walking the other way.

There's the Fall Brawl promo for the Steiner/Goldberg match where they talk about the "script" of a wrestling match.

Oh well, the illusion of wrestling was fun while it lasted.

This replay of a Harris Brother hitting a member of Kroni(backward k) with a bat is brought to you by George Foreman.

Think Meineke: For All Your Cheap-Shot Needs.

David Flair's in the ring with a mic.

David talks about Ric calling him a man.

I remember the first time someone called me a man. I was working as a grocery store bagger the summer before my senior year in high school and a lady told her kid to "give the toy to that man." That reeked of suckiness.

David tells Stacy to come out and tell him who the father is.

I'm telling you, it's Dink.

Here comes the midget-lover herself.
Horseman music plays, and Arn Anderson walks out.

And all is right with the world.

Arn tells David to get a hold of himself.
He asks Arn if he's the father.
Arn says that women are like buses. They come around every 20 minutes.
Arn says he hopes Miss Hancock knows who the father is.
That didn't really resolve much, but I didn't notice because Arn Anderson was involved.

Winner: Arn Anderson, because his music played.

Jim Duggan's in the back knocked out with a flagpole on him.
The Nitro trading card game, Winky the Crow, Fire in Your Freezer, AOL, Lean Pockets, and a Punk Duck sponsor this madness.

And so does Yamaha, but they're a bit more subtle about it because they disguise it as a Tailgate Party thing.
Who would win in a brawl between Winky the Crow and the Bubble Yum Duck?

Match #5: Team Canada (U.S. champion Lance Storm & Cruiserweight champion Elix Skipper) vs. Hugh Morrus ~~and Hacksaw Jim Duggan~~

The Canadian Heavyweight champion and 100-Kilos-and-Under champion come out.
The Canadian national anthem plays.
Lance Storm turns his head in his humorous way when the MIA music plays instead.

He whips his head around really fast and just glares. I'm sure if my Mom watched wrestling she'd say "If looks could kill . . ."

Speaking of humorous, Hugh Morrus comes out and it's a handicap match.
Hugh beats the crap out of the Canadians.
Somehow the tide gets turned when the match officially starts.
Skipper's stomping Gen. Rection's midsection.
At Fall Brawl, Elix Skipper will wrestle Kwee Wee.
Storm tags in and executes some elbowdrops to the midsection.
Storm with a sweet dropkick, except Hugh didn't sell it very well.
Hugh gets the upper hand once again when he kicks Storm in the head
Storm gets the Maple Leaf, but Jim Duggan comes limping out using the 2x4 as a crutch. I'm sure he'll save the day.

Duggan limps out, but is too slow and the General taps out!
So long, Hacksaw.

Your winners: Team Canada

Mean Gene is in back with the Misfits and Duggan.

Hugh says Storm's win was cheap.
Hugh suggests that the Fall Brawl match be for the title and Major Gunns.

You've got to love a match where the stipulations involve actual ownership of a human being.

Match #6: World Champion Kevin Nash & Scott Steiner vs. Booker T & Ernest Miller for the World Heavyweight title.

The champ comes out first.
Then, Scott Steiner, whose entrance induces seizures even worse than Sting's.
Steiner kisses that one muscle.
He gets in the ring and kisses that other one.
Stevie Ray whines about how Pamela Paulshock flirts with Steiner.
The Commissioner comes out.
Stevie Ray calls Paulshock a yak twice in about 30 seconds.
Booker T comes out last.
Booker and Steiner start out.
Booker goes for the ax kick right off the bat, but Nash thwarts his plans.
Scott Steiner apparently uses the title belt to take out The Cat.
The Cat gets up and Nash uses the title belt against him.
Scott Steiner gets a two count on Booker.
The fans chant for Goldberg.
Big Sexy gets a two count.
Steiner & Nash pick up Booker and nail him with a double clothesline.
Nash gets another two count.
Booker comes back with right hands, but Nash counters with a big boot.
Steiner hits a belly-to-belly, or a twisted belly-to-back suplex if you're Stevie Ray.
A motorcycle guy comes out, and it's Goldberg.
He nails Steiner with a spear and jackhammer.
We're out of time.

Your winners: Kevin Nash & Scott Steiner via disqualification.

Not bad. I would have liked the Sting/Jarrett match if it had been a bit quicker. If you're going to stall like that, make it last long enough to make it worth it.
That's two main events in a row that didn't end in a clean finish. At least it was better than 1996 and '97 where practically no main event went to a clean finish.
The Good: Arn Anderson is involved in something. Ric Flair is involved in something. David Flair's actually interesting now.
The Bad: No Kwee Wee. The charisma level was way down for this show because of it.
The Ugly: Mike Awesome's suit.

Trivia Answer: Butch Reed, Greg Valentine, One Man Gang, and Ted DiBiase. Bonus Answer: Hulk Hogan.

WCW Thunder - Wednesday, September 13, 2000

By King Leo of King Leo's Wrestling Homepage

Back to DDT Digest