- Jarrett: "Holy Slapnut, Jarrett is still the WCW Champion."
- Jarrett says that over the last seven days he's beaten both Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash.
- Jarrett calls himself the greatest WCW Champion ever.
- Jarrett says the only thing he's here to do is give them an update.
- He says that he's been searching all over for the fattest, most disgusting women to accompany him down to the ring and sing Hogan right out of the squared circle.
- It's not over till the fat lady sings. Get it?
- Jeff calls some women in the crowd hippo hips and thunder thighs.
- Jeff then says that Terry Bollea is done but Horace interrupts him.
- Horace beats on Jarrett for a little bit but R&B Security make their completely unneeded return and hold Horace back, allowing Jeff to escape.
- The Cat makes his way down to the ring and says that Horace is on fire.
- The Cat: "You want to eat somebody's kids."
- (This is a reference to Mike Tyson's tirade after his last fight. Among other things, he said he was going to "Eat Lennox Lewis's children".)
- The Cat makes Horace vs. Jeff Jarrett in a title match.
- Horace then beats up R&B Security and he approaches The Cat.
- The Cat backs off from him screaming ratings and then as he approaches the curtains yells "I'm the greatest."
- The last part was pretty damn funny with The Cat yelling out stuff as he ran away.
- Jay: Remember when Master P dressed up in the funky army colors?
- Don't remind me Jay.
- Rection is joining the announcing team for the match.
- Rection tells the announcers that he addresses them, not the other way around.
- The two lock up for the beginning and Loco brings him down in a headlock takeover.
- Cajun though flips Loco out of it and they get up on their feet.
- Loco rolls up Cajun for the two count.
- Rection babbles on about them not being Misfits.
- We then go back to the ring where Cajun executes a roll up for a two count.
- Cajun then rolls him up again for a two count.
- They get up and the crowd claps for their efforts.
- Cajun puts Loco in an arm wringer but Chavo jumps up and sends Cajun over and onto the mat.
- Loco jumps over Cajun and executes a frankensteiner with a pin for a two count.
- Loco argues with the ref and Cajun sneaks up behind him with a roll up for a two count.
- Jay: "Jesus, I've never seen so many roll ups in a two-minute period."
- They play to the crowd a little bit and Loco hits some chops on him.
- Loco sends him off the ropes and executes a clothesline.
- Loco sends him into the ropes where Cajun jumps up and executes a nice spinning headscissors to him.
- Tilt-a-whirl slam by Cajun and he gets a two count.
- Cajun sends him off the ropes and Loco sneaks under him.
- Cajun executes a powerslam though and gets a two count.
- Cajun sends him off the ropes but Loco flips over his back and executes a T-Bone Suplex.
- Loco gets a two count and then backdrops Cajun over the top rope and to the outside of the ring.
- From the looks of it Loco blows an over the top rope and to the outside of the ring move as he hardly touches Cajun.
- Remember when you used to rely on Tenay to tell you the move names?
- Into the ring and Cajun goes for the Whiplash 2000 but Loco lands on his feet out of it.
- Loco goes off the ropes and jumps on top of Cajun. He brings him down with the Tornado DDT to give him the win at about four and a half minutes.
- The MIA celebrate in the ring together after the match.
- I didn't really like this match as much as I thought it would. Maybe it was Rection's incoherent announcing or the fact that Jay's searching my refrigerator for beer right now.
- Yes! Three Count is in the ring!
- Jay: "What the hell's wrong with you? I hate these guys."
- Shane Helms says that copies of their new single have been showing up in trashcans all across the country.
- Shane says it's obviously a conspiracy theory by a a Three Count wannabe and not to worry since there are plenty of copies of their new single still available.
- Where can I get one?
- Shannon Moore then says that contrary to what the media says, they're not "lip singing."
- Evan then throws out all the ladies go down for the three count saying and the song begins.
- Yeah! "We like the Backstreet Boys, N*Sync too, Brittany Spears is kind of cute."
- Another pair of evil bastards Mark Jindrak and Sean O'Hare run down to the ring and jump Three Count.
- Shannon and Evan sneak under Mark and Sean and go to kick them but they catch their legs. They then nail reverse powerbombs onto both of them.
- Ouch!
- They send Evan off the ropes and do a double leapfrog and Mark clotheslines him for a two count.
- Mark sends him into the corner and misses a splash, sending him out on the apron where Shannon knocks him off.
- Evan does a springboard plancha onto Jindrak.
- We cut to the back where Tank Abbott is arriving. He sees that he missed Three Count's performance and is pissed off.
- Hey, I would also be pissed.
- Back to the ring Evan tags out to Shannon.
- Evan sends Jindrak off the ropes and drop toe holds him into the mat.
- Evan then hiptosses Shannon onto Jindrak.
- Shannon goes for a suplex but can't get him up so he tags out to Evan.
- They team up and hit a suplex on him.
- Evan hits a jawbreaker on Mark and then chokes him on the ropes.
- Tag out to Shannon.
- Evan holds Jindrak as Shannon goes to the top rope. Jindrak moves out of the way and Shannon hits Evan with a twisting bodyblock type move.
- Jindrak tags out to Sean who pounds on the both of them.
-
Sean hurls Shannon right over Charles Robinson's head and then gives Evan
a superkick.
- Jindrak sends Shannon off the ropes and hits a tilt-a-whirl slam.
- Sean then hits the Seanton Bomb and gets the three count at about three minutes.
- I would've liked to see the match go five or six minutes.
- Tank comes down to the ring with a a green square and tells Three Count to sing even though they're injured.
- Tank gets groovy on his square as Three Count are hurt as they dance on their square.
- Kronic run down to the ring and jump Tank.
- They then get in the ring as Three Count thinks the fans are cheering them.
- Adams hits a backbreaker on Shannon Moore.
- Clark is beating on Evan as Shane retreats to the outside of the ring.
- Clark hits a reverse powerbomb into a chokeslam type move onto Evan.
- Full Nelson Slam by Adams to Shannon Moore.
- Big Vito takes the microphone. Italian hero, three Hong Kong guys disrespect you, blah, respect, blah, Hardcore Champion, challenge all three to gauntlet match.
- Yun Yang runs down and Big Vito jumps him.
- Big Vito sends him into the ropes and misses a splash.
- Yun Yang hits one of those jumping karate kicks and gets a two count.
- Yang does the repetitive punches in the corner and then flips off Vito's chest in the corner.
- Vito doesn't like that and nails him with a clothesline.
- Vito suplexes Yang and then hits a top rope elbowdrop for the win at around a minute.
- Kaz then runs down to the ring and gets in.
- Vito pounds on him and then hits him in the chest with a hard chop that drops him down to the mat.
- Kaz is able to retaliate and hits a spin kick after going off the ropes.
- Kaz goes up to the top rope, faces the crowd, and then goes off with a kick to the chest.
- Kaz jumps up to the top rope and hits a crossbody for the two count.
- Kaz jumps on him in the corner and goes for a forward roll but Vito drops back.
- Vito goes to the top rope and hits a reverse splash for the three count at around a minute and a half.
- Jamie San comes in and dropkicks Vito down.
- The masked man pounds on him in the corner and does a baseball slide into his family jewels.
- Jay: "And with how rich the Mafia is, they must be pretty damn big."
- Jamie San hits a reverse moonsault from the top rope (not the turnbuckle) and lands on his feet.
- Russian legsweep by Jamie San and then he hits a reverse guillotine legdrop from the second rope.
- Jamie San goes to the top rope and executes a flying legdrop.
- Jamie San goes to the opposite corner and hits a great looking flying splash for a two count.
- Damn, Jamie San is really good.
- Jamie San jumps onto Big Vito but he drops him on the top rope and then executes a mafia kick.
- Vito knocks Kaz and Yun Yang off the apron with shots from the Singapore cane.
- Jamie San then goes off the top rope with a dropkick to Big Vito. He covers him and gets the win and the Hardcore Title at around two minutes.
- There are two Jamie Sans in the ring right now and the one who won the match unmasks to reveal Johnny The Bull. So, Johnny The Bull is now the Hardcore Champion.
- In the back, Funk is proud of his pupil.
- The Perfect Event drag Woody down to the ring.
- Stasiak says they're going to give him a butt whooping but Rection and Stash run down to the ring.
- Rection and Palumbo brawl in the ring as the other two brawl in the outside of the ring.
- This is a non-title match.
- Rection gives Palumbo a headbutt.
- Stasiak trips Rection as he goes off the ropes.
- Palumbo tags out to Stasiak and he hits a jumping back elbow.
- Stasiak tags back out to Palumbo who hits a great looking flying shoulderblock.
- Palumbo covers him for a two count.
- Stasiak comes into the ring and Palumbo sends him into Stasiak who hits him with a weak boot shot.
- Palumbo then executes what used to be called the Jungle Kick.
- Tony says something about what we're saying at home and he's wrong. Let's hear what Jay has to say.
- Jay: "I'll be back. I have to go take a Master P."
- Unless Tony was saying that's what we're saying, he was wrong again.
- Palumbo leaves the ring and Stasiak covers for a two count on Rection.
- Palumbo is tagged in and knocks him down.
- Palumbo tags out to Stasiak who goes for the Perfect Plex.
- Rection then reverses it into a suplex.
- Stasiak tags out to Palumbo and doesn't allow him to tag out.
- This match really is crappy.
- Palumbo puts a knee into Rection's back and gets some leverage from Stasiak's arm.
- Major Stash tries to come in but the ref stops him, allowing them to do it some more.
- Major Stash runs in and knocks Palumbo in the head.
- As the ref gives discipline to Stash, Stasiak and Palumbo switch.
- Stasiak puts the knee into Captain Rection's back and the crowd starts clapping their hands for Rection.
- Rection gets up but Stasiak knocks him back down and tags out to Chuck Palumbo.
- God, this is slow...
- Rection ducks a clothesline and they both hit a clothesline on each other.
- They both make tags out and Major Stash pounds on the both of them.
- Rection clotheslines Palumbo out and over the top rope as Major Stash screws up what used to be know as the Flashback on Stasiak.
- Rection climbs up to the top rope and executes the No Laughing Matter for the win at six minutes.
- Plaumbo runs into the ring and hits both of them with the Lex Flexxer.
- Here comes the first pair of Evil Bastards, Kronic.
- Adams and Clark dismantle the tag team champions.
- Adams hits a DVD into an inverted DDT on Palumbo.
- Clark then executes the Meltdown to Stasiak.
- They both execute High Time to Palumbo and Stasiak.
- Horace jumps into the ring and Jarrett attacks him.
- Jarrett ducks under Horace as he goes off the ropes but Horace decks him.
- Horace catches Jarrett's foot, spins him around, and clotheslines him down.
- Horace sends Jarrett out to the floor and sends him into the guardrail.
- Jeff Jarrett gets sent over the guardrail and they brawl in the crowd.
- Jarrett gets over before Horace and as Horace climbs over Jarrett hits Horace in the leg with a chair.
- Jarrett hits him with a chair a couple times and taunts the crowd.
- Jarrett throws him back into the ring.
- Horace ducks a clothesline and then clotheslines Jarrett over the top rope and to the floor.
- Horace goes after him and throws him throat-first onto the guardrail.
- Horace throws jumps on the announce table and comes off with a double sledge.
- Horace gets in the ring and sends Jarrett off the ropes.
- Jarrett ducks a clothesline and goes for a sunset flip but Horace picks him up and drops him in a double choke.
- Two count only by Horace and goes for the ten punches in the corner but Jarrett brings him off with an atomic drop.
- Horace knocks the ref down and Jarrett hits Horace in the head with the chair.
- Jarrett can only get a two count on Horace.
- Jarrett sets the chair up in the corner and goes to throw Horace's head in, but Horace blocks it and throws Jarrett's head into it.
- Horace covers him and gets a two count.
- Horace sends him into the corner and runs right into a boot by Jeff.
- Jeff goes to the second rope and jumps off with a double sledge but as he jumps off he executes a low blow.
- Horace goes to hit him with the chair but the ref stops him and holds onto the chair allowing Jarrett to sneak right behind him and hit The Stroke onto the chair.
- Jarrett then covers and gets the three count at around five minutes.
- Jarrett then mocks Hogan and puts the Hulkamania shirt on Horace.
-
Jarrett poses some more and Horace gets up and chokes him with the shirt.
- Jarrett hits a back kick though and then whacks Horace with the guitar.
- Vampiro asks if Sting really thinks he could get an edge over him.
- Vampiro says that he left Dale Tolberg just like he left the actor Steve Borden, in a coffin.
- The crowd is chanting "Sting" and Vampiro tells the crowd to stop chanting that name.
- Vampiro says that he let Asya live last week and that he's going to let Torberg in on a secret.
- The lights then flicker and in the ring are two hooded figures.
- Vampiro takes the mask off one of them and it's Asya who spits the red mist into Vampiro's face.
- The other one is Dale Tolberg who beats on Vampiro with a bat.
- Fireworks go off and the lights go off.
- Heenan: "Don't hold onto me, Tenay."
- When they come back on, Dale and Asya are gone.
-
Up in the same place that Sting fell from, some dude in a black hooded outfit
points to Vampiro with a shiny light, blinding Vampiro.
- Good. No mic time for Konnan.
- I doubt I'll be able to keep up with this one.
- Rey flips Kidman out to the outside of the ring to start the match off as The Juice and Storm battle it out in the ring.
- Juvi drop toe holds Lance and executes one of the cradles for a two count.
- God, Tenay really isn't the god among knowing wrestling moves he used to be.
- Juvi goes for the Juvi Driver but Lance flips over and sends him off the ropes where he executes the half Boston crab.
- Rey runs in and baseball slides into Lance to get the hold off.
- As Juvi sends Lance off the ropes, Kidman tags in.
- Lance goes under Juvi and Kidman allowing Kidman to hit a short powerbomb on The Juice.
- Kidman sets The Juice up and goes to the top rope but Rey crotches him.
- Juvi tags out to Rey who goes for a top rope frankensteiner but Kidman reverses it into a setup for a reverse powerbomb but Rey goes off with a who-knows kind of move and tags out to Juvi.
- Juventud goes for the win but can only grab a two count.
- Juvi argues with the ref and Kidman reverses a whip into the ropes.
- Kidman gets him in the beginning of a reverse powerbomb again but Juvi gets down and puts the elbows to Billy.
- Kidman ducks a shot and goes for a German suplex but Juventud lands on his feet.
- The Juice then kicks him in the stomach and goes for a powerbomb but Kidman backdrops him.
- Damn, those was some quick moves.
- The Juice gives Kidman a clothesline and goes to the top rope.
- The Juice jumps off and Kidman dropkicks Juvi in the stomach.
- They both make tags out and Lance powerslams Rey and Juvi.
- Lance then does a cartwheel into a clothesline on Rey.
- Lance then executes a great looking northern lights suplex for a close count but The Juice breaks it up.
- Kidman hits a bulldog off the top rope onto The Juice and goes for the cover but Rey breaks it up.
- Kidman sends Juvi into Lance Storm who backdrops Juvi to the outside of the ring.
- Lance misses a plancha onto Juvi and in the ring Rey gets a boot up as Kidman charges at him.
- Juvi opens Kidman's legs and Rey jumps off with a legdrop to the lower area.
- Rey goes for the cover and gets close but no cigar.
- Kidman misses a clothesline to Rey but runs right into a Juvi Driver.
- It gets only a two count.
- You need to do the Juice Elbow!
- Rey pushes the ref and Lance Storm gets back on the apron.
- The Juice is taking his elbowpad off!
- He starts to go off the ropes for The Juice Elbow but Lance Storm springboards himself in with a dropkick to Juvi that sends him to the outside of the ring.
- Lance hits a powerbomb with a pin and Kidman jumps off the top rope with a splash for the win at about five minutes.
- The Filthy Animals attack Lance and Kidman after the match but the two of them fend them off.
- On the outside of the ring The Filthy Animals gang up on Paisley and taunt her.
- The ref comes outside and ejects them from ringside so the match will now be one on one.
- Paisley runs at Tygress but she throws Paisley down.
- Tygress chokes her and and then throws her across the ring.
- Tygress covers for a two count.
- Tygress throws her by the hair and looks like she's almost falling out of her top.
- Paisley ducks a clothesline and then snap mares her over.
- Paisley gives Tygress a bad hiptoss and then slams her.
- Crowd: "We want puppies."
- They're doing it really loud, too.
- Paisley covers and gets the win at around two minutes???
- It was a damn slam for God's sakes!
- Tygress knocks Paisley out of the ring and gets on the top rope and taunts the crowd as she is shoving her breasts into the camera.
- I really hate this guy (Bagwell).
- I wish I could do a long story short.
- Kanyon comes down to DDP's music and does the "Bang!" thing in the aisle way.
- Kanyon rips up someone's Positively Page book.
- Kanyon attacks the bell rings to start my pain of watching a whole Buff match.
- Kanyon beats on him in the corner and sizes him up, then punches him.
- Vertical suplex by Kanyon and does the Diamond sign but Buff pounds on Kanyon and then back bodydrops him.
- Buff puts a boot to Kanyon's face and atomic drops him.
- Buff poses and ducks his head as he sends Kanyon off the ropes.
- Kanyon then executes a Russian legsweep and gets a two count.
- Kanyon chokes him and sets him up on the top rope where he goes for a vertical suplex but Buff throws him off.
- Kanyon gets up and gives the ref the Kanyon Cutter and turns around and is met by a crossbody from Bagwell.
- Kanyon rakes his eyes as another ref comes down to the ring to give Bagwell the win by a relaxed disqualification at around three minutes.
- In the ring Kanyon goes for a powerslam but Buff turns in into an inverted DDT.
- Buff ducks a shot with the brick-filled book and then gives Kanyon a single arm DDT right onto the book.
- Buff goes for the cover and the crowd chants 1, 2, 3 since the match is over at this point.
- Buff goes over to the ref but Kanyon knocks him out with a brick shot.
- I'm going to bet we'll see Kanyon/Shane vs. Booker T/Bagwell sometime before the Bash.
- Kanyon picks up his book and says that it's time to read another chapter from his book.
- Kanyon begins but Booker T runs down to the ring and knocks Kanyon silly with some discus punches.
- Booker knees Kanyon in the stomach and executes the axe kick.
- Kanyon then gets thrown to the outside of the ring and Booker checks on Buff.
- Well, Kanyon carried Buff to a pretty good match.
- Rick wheels out Scott in the wheelchair.
- Rick hugs Scott, and leaves the ring.
- Scott talks about his medical report, and talks about needing another back surgery.
- Steiner breaks down and cries after saying that he has to retire.
- The announcers remind us that the Steiner Recliner has been outlawed by Kitty B. Bad.... It's been to long since I've heard that name.
- Steiner beats on Awesome and executes an atomic drop on him.
- Steiner clotheslines Awesome to the outside of the ring.
- Steiner sends him into the guardrail and then sends his head into the announcing table.
- Awesome goes over the guardrail and Steiner throws a chair at his head.
- They brawl far into the crowd and then make their way back to the ring.
- Steiner jumps off the announce table with a double sledge.
- Steiner sends Awesome back into the ring and sends him off the ropes where he hits him with a clothesline, then drops down with an elbow.
- Steiner goes for the ten punches but Awesome crotches him on the top rope and sends him to the outside of the ring.
- Awesome throws him into the guardrail and hits him in the stomach with a chair.
- Steiner goes back into the ring.
- Awesome climbs up to the top rope and hits a sweet flying clothesline.
- Big splash by Awesome and he covers for a two count.
- Awesome then drops him down and executes the Jackknife Pin (Thanks guys) for a two count.
- Awesome pounds on him some more and goes to the top rope.
- Steiner catches him and executes a belly-to-belly overhead release onto Awesome.
- Steiner blocks some Awesome punches and executes a T-Bone Suplex to him.
- Scott calls for the Steiner Recliner and executes it.
- The Cat runs down to to the ring and tells the ref to break the hold.
- When the ref fails at breaking the hold, The Cat sidekicks him and then hits Scott Steiner with the US Belt.
- Speaking of the US Belt, I really hope Awesome wins the title at the Bash.
- The Cat then takes off his shirt to reveal a ref's shirt and Awesome covers Steiner. The Cat gets down and counts the three count to give Awesome the win at around four minutes and forty-five seconds.
- The show goes off the air with The Cat and Awesome beat on Scott.
The Good: Some pretty good action tonight. "Positively" Kanyon
was hilarious tonight. Jay won't be back next week. I think Kanyon hurt
his feelings or something.
The Bad: Captain Rection on commentary. The Paisley vs. Tygress
match.
The Ugly: Buff Bagwell. God, I hate him.
