Russo or not, the show must go on...
- Horace talks about a guy who he considers a fly-by-nighter wipe out his uncle Hulkie.
- Horace says that Goldberg is in it for the money.
- Horace's motives tonight are family honor and revenge.
- Horace wants Goldberg in the ring and plans to be next.
- As The Cat walks out, we see Goldberg demolish Hulk from last week.
- Cat says that Goldberg is too busy for Horace.
- Cat tries to get the crowd's attention.
- Cat addresses Scott Steiner hurting Russo.
- Cat says that there will be no outside interference tonight. Shouldn't that be the rule every night, though?
- Cat offers to suspend Steiner for 30 days, fine him and make him clean floors if he interferes in any match.
- Cat says that no one can do anything to him.
- Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner and Midajah walk out.
- Nash says that he and Scott are in a real bad mood.
- Nash calls Cat a dreammaker, and Tony Schiavone refers to "booking on the fly."
- Nash says that Horace wants a match with Goldberg.
- Cat agrees to the match.
- Nash says that Cat will do whatever he says.
- Steiner reminds Cat of what he did to Russo.
- Steiner says he's been looking for Eric Bitchoff (his words, not mine) but he can't find him.
- Since Steiner can't find Russo, he challenges Cat.
- Cat says he's too pretty to wrestle, and the faces advance.
- Cat says he'll give Steiner a match with Jeff Jarrett.
- Steiner refuses, so Cat offers a title shot.
- Steiner agrees.
- Nash says they aren't done yet.
- Horace and Steiner are happy, but Cat still has Scott Hall's contract.
- Nash says that he and Cat will battle for said contract.
- Horace pokes Cat with the bat as the rest of the faces converge toward ringside.
- Cat reluctantly agrees.
- Nash praises Cat's job as commissioner.
- Nash says that after he busts Cat's back, that's all he'll be able to do.
- Nash scares Cat into the crowd.
- Wow, these guys are still around?
- And how did they get their circles back?
- Three Count do some mic work and offer a new single on this week's Thunder.
- Yung Dragons break up the dance session.
- If you think I'd be able to keep up with this, you're nuts.
- It's a brawl in-and-out of the ring to start.
- Jamisan and Helms tango in the ring.
- Kaz with a nice spinning heel kick on Moore.
- Moore puts Kaz in a fireman's carry and Helms helps out with a neckbreaker.
- Evan comes in for some more punishment.
- Evan whips Kaz and throws him up in the air.
- Evan with an armwringer.
- Helms comes off the top with a sunset flip for two.
- Helms with a gutwrench saulto.
- Moore comes in and gets whipped into Kaz in the corner.
- Problem is, Kaz moved.
- Tag to Yang.
- Yang cleans house and goes to strike Jamie Tucker, but stops short.
- Yung punches Evan in the corner and backflips out.
- Moore with a sleeperhold into an inverted-DDT like move.
- Moore covers, but Jamisan makes the save and throws him out of the ring.
- Evan comes off top with the Outrageous Corkscrew but Kaz makes the save.
- Yang with a slam on Evan.
- Kaz and Yang go up top but Moore trips them off.
- Jamisan hits the ring and gets clotheslined by Evan.
- Three Count combine for a facebuster (called "big splash" by Schiavone) on Jamisan for the win.
- YOUR WINNERS: Three Count via combined facebuster in 3:55.
- Post-match, Lance Storm runs in and cleans house on the heels, including a somersault dive on two of the Count outside!
- Storm runs off into the crowd.
- Wow, from fighting for the ECW Heavyweight Title to a feud with the mighty Three Count. Way to go there, Lance.
- Match had more spots than Ron Jeremy's bedsheets during an all-night Spice Channel Fest.
- Last week, Vito won the title from Terry Funk and turned on his partner.
- Vito attacks Hugger with the kendo stick on the ring apron.
- In the aisle, Vito with a shot to the chest.
- Vito sends Hugger into the rail.
- Vito beats on Hugger with the belt.
- Hugger reverses a whip into one of the stands.
- Hugger charges with what could be Roadblock's safety barricade but Vito counters with a kick.
- Now they go backstage.
- Vito rams Hugger into a crate.
- Vito with the trashcan.
- Zzzz...
- Vito shoves Hugger into a table.
- Vito beans Hugger with Alexandra York's laptop. Okay, I made the York part up.
- This is quite the cookie-cutter "hardcore match."
- Hugger regains the advantage after shoving Vito into some pipes.
- Now they fight on the scaffolding.
- Vito with the Impaler onto the table for the win!
- YOUR WINNER: Big Vito via Impaler.
- My watch screwed up, so no match time here.
- Anyway, this match sucked. It was basically two guys shoving each other into various objects, like most of WCW's "hardcore" matches.
- If Vito and Hugger can't put more of an inspired effort into their brawl, then I can't be inspired to report about it.
- But that Impaler from the scaffolding was cool, so I'll go...
- Kanyon does the Diamond Cutter and even slumps in the corner a la Page.
- Kanyon: "Cut the music, Monkey."
- Kanyon promotes his new book.
- Kanyon: "You got to read it two-time, two-time, two-time!"
- Kanyon says he got up this morning and gave himself the old Self Hi-Five.
- Kanyon says he read his book and feels positive.
- Kanyon feels that he can't be beaten.
- Kanyon offers someone in the back to feel the bang.
- Kanyon's portrayal of DDP is priceless here.
- Bro rushes the ring and eats an axehandle.
- Bro cleans house after a whip.
- Bro with a short-armed kneelift.
- Bro whips Kanyon into a flapjack.
- Spinerooni. We get it already, Madden.
- Bro dumps Kanyon from the ring and takes off his fatigues, revealing white shorts.
- They replay the destruction of Hulk Hogan from last week.
- In the back, Nash and Scott Steiner discuss running in during the match.
- Despite being a heel, Goldberg gets the guarded entrance.
- Despite being a heel, Goldberg gets at least ten times the face pop that Horace did.
- Horace starts with a kick and some punches.
- Goldberg no-sells a chop in the corner.
- Goldberg gets whipped and lands a lariat.
- Goldberg pummels Horace on the mat.
- Goldberg dumps Horace from the ring.
- Goldberg press slams Horace onto the rail.
- Goldberg goes for a punch but ends up hitting the ringpost.
- Horace gets a chair and batters Goldberg with it.
- Horace sends Goldberg inside.
- Horace whips Goldberg into a big boot, but he no-sells.
- The spear, Jackhammer and pin are academic here.
- YOUR WINNER: Goldberg via Jackhammer in 2:43.
- Goldberg chokes out Horace in an effort to get a heel reaction.
- Did it work? Like hell.
- Cat lays the briefcase in the center of the ring.
- As Cat rants, we see a set of handcuffs attached to the case.
- Cat cuts a rug and walks on ringside.
- Cat attaches the handcuffs on Madden's left arm, then re-enters the ring.
- Cat teases Nash with the key.
- So, is Cat supposed to be Teddy Long and Nash Norman The Lunatic?
- Nash assaults Cat in the corner.
- Some kneelifts and an elbow follow.
- Cat bails out and calls for the troops.
- Cat grabs the house mic but gets beat up.
- Cat grabs Madden's headset but gets pummelled.
- Back inside, Cat begs off.
- Cat with a blow to Little Sexy.
- Cat with some side kicks.
- Nash with a running clothesline.
- Nash makes the sign of the Wolfpac.
- Nash hits the powerdrop and covers with one foot for the win.
- YOUR WINNER: Kevin Nash via powerdrop in 2:37.
- Post-match, Nash gets the precious key.
- Nash opens the briefcase and retrieves...
- ... some autographed pictures of The Cat.
- Nash returns to the ring and The Cat begs off.
- Goldberg appears on the TurnerTron with Scott Hall's contract.
- Goldberg tells Nash to claim it at Bash At The Beach then eats the paper.
- Why, yes, that sucked as much as I thought it would.
- Konnan cuts a promo as the Animals lounge in the ring.
- Disco Inferno peps Rey, Jr. up for his match.
- Juvy calls the Misfits the New Jabroni Order.
- The Misfits with their champion make their way out.
- Out next is The Artist and Paisley.
- Artist attacks Chavo outside the ring.
- Artist sends Chavo inside.
- Rey with a legdrop for two when Artist saves.
- It's a slugfest.
- Artist whips Rey into the corner, lifts him on his shoulder and gives him a reverse powerbomb.
- Artist whips Chavo, who ducks a clothesline.
- Chavo charges at Artist and gets back bodydropped outside the ring.
- Rey leaps on Artist and bodyscissors Artist out of the ring.
- Rey holds Artist as Chavo goes up top.
- Artist interrupts Chavo's momentum then eats a spinning heel kick.
- Rey Bronco Busters Artist in the corner.
- Rey goes for a superplex on Chavo but gets crotched on the top rope.
- Chavo with the Tornado DDT for the clean win.
- YOUR WINNER: Chavo Guerrero, Jr. via Tornado DDT in 2:24.
- A big schmozz erupts from the women first, then the men get involved.
- At least they schedule the melee after the match.
- Yes, that's the name they give the two newbies.
- Tank drives Shawn into the corner and then gives him a spinebuster.
- Tank stomps Shawn and tags in Rick.
- Rick with some kicks.
- Rick whips Shawn into a clothesline.
- Rick covers for two.
- Rick with a belly-to-belly suplex for two.
- Rick whips Shawn, who kicks his opponent and tags in Chuck Palumbo.
- Palumbo goes for a leapfrog after a whip and gets suplexed by Rick.
- Cover gets two.
- Tank jumps the rail and chases after a "fan."
- As Palumbo tags out, Rick stares at the direction in which Tank went.
- Stasiak and Palumbo beat up on Rick outside.
- Rick fights back but the power of two men is greater than the power of one, it seems.
- Back inside, the heels do some more of their boring offense.
- Rick gets whipped, but he takes down the heels.
- Rick belly-to-bellies Palumbo for two.
- Stasiak gets the flexor, but Rick intercepts.
- Rick gives Palumbo a German suplex.
- Rick goes up top but Palumbo hits him with the flexor as Charles Robinson is distracted.
- A double flapjack leads to the win.
- YOUR WINNERS: The Perfect Event via double flapjack in 4:41.
Doesn't anyone get any privacy anymore? Sheesh.
- We are shown clips of last week's "match" with The Demon. I am glad that Vamp didn't get hurt, though.
- Vamp says that he thought he had a lot in common with Demon.
- Vamp hears that Demon is going away and offers a party.
- Vamp calls out Dale Torborg and Asya.
- Vamp tells Penzer to cut The Demon's music because it's Dale Torborg walking out.
- Vamp asks Torborg if he feels empty if a part of him goes away.
- The lights go out and when they return, Asya is not there.
- The lights go out again and Vampiro is gone.
- What is this shit?
- Vamp's on the Turnertron driving a hearse away from the arena.
- Yeah, this will really get over.
- While we're at it, let's complete this farce by turning someone into a tiger or spinning someone's head in a gimmicked box.
- The Guys That Would Be Called The Triple Threat In ECW walk out.
- Douglas tells Billings, MT to look at true greatness.
- Douglas says that he's going to take things by force.
- Douglas says that his partners are setting their sights on the tag team titles.
- Douglas challenges Buff Bagwell to any kind of match at BATB.
- Buff walks out solo.
- Buff waves out his backup in the form of Kronic.
- I should point out that Candido is wearing an arm sling.
- Sign: "Goldberg Fears HHH."
- Chant: "Franchise Sucks!"
- Douglas and Clarke lock up.
- Clarke with a kneelift.
- Clarke whips Douglas, who gets out of a press slam.
- Douglas with a dropkick.
- Douglas goes up top but comes down like his hated rival, Ric Flair.
- Clarke hits a urinage.
- Tag to Adams.
- Doubleteam elbow by the pot smokers.
- Adams with a full-nelson into a slam.
- Cover gets two.
- Tag to Buff.
- Douglas runs and tags Bigelow in, who gets some blows.
- Bigelow with the falling headbutt.
- Bigelow whips Buff into the corner and hits a charge.
- Tag to Douglas.
- Douglas stomps away.
- Douglas with a facelock.
- Douglas with more offense in the corner.
- Douglas with the rolling vertical suplexes.
- Cover for two.
- Buff comes back with what Hudson calls a Kenta Kobashi DDT. Basically, it's Buff DDT'ing his opponent from a double underhook position.
- Tags to Adams and Bigelow.
- Clarke takes down Bigelow and Adams throws Douglas into him.
- Bigelow with a double DDT on Kronic from a whip.
- Kronic comes back with a pair of shoulderblocks.
- Kronic hits High Times but referee Jamie Tucker is distracted.
- Candido uses an illegal object but Clarke shrugs it off.
- With everyone but Buff and Bigelow out of the ring, Buff goes for the Blockbuster but Bigelow blocks.
- Bigelow charges the corner but Buff evades.
- Buff hits the Blockbuster for real the second time around, and gets the win.
- YOUR WINNERS: Buff Bagwell and Kronic via Blockbuster in 6:19.
- Post-match, Douglas blindsides Buff and hits the Pittsburgh Plunge.
- Kronic makes the save.
- Match of the night thus far. Glad to see Buff motivated again.
- The Cat accompanies Special Guest Referee Mike Awesome to the ring.
- Jarrett carries his guitar to the ring, in case having two of his teammates at ringside isn't enough of an advantage.
- The Cat says he's going to take care of business as Steiner walks out.
- Hudson talks about Scott Steiner gunning for the title in 1991.
- Steiner tells The Cat to make the matches as exciting as possible.
- Steiner tells The Cat that he sucks then says he'd have a panties on a pole match. &;nbsp&* sigh *
- Jarrett jumps Steiner from behind and stomps away.
- Jarrett hits the ropes, slides under Steiner and eats an inverted atomic drop.
- Steiner with a tilt-a-whirl suplex.
- Steiner hits a clothesline and an elbowdrop.
- Steiner with the PUSH-UPS OF DOOM!
- Jarrett charges at Steiner in the corner but gets picked up and rammed into another corner.
- Steiner drapes Jarrett on the ring rope and clotheslines him out of the ring.
- Steiner goes for a whip to the rail but Jarrett reverses.
- Jarrett with a chair shot.
- Jarrett threatens Midajah and brings her into the ring.
- Midajah leaps on Jarrett, which allows a Steiner chairshot.
- Steiner clotheslines Jarrett over the rail.
- And we're in the crowd.
- And we're out of the crowd, as Steiner throws Jarrett over the rail.
- Back inside, it's all Steiner, all the time.
- Steiner catapults Jarrett into the corner.
- Steiner with a press slam.
- Jarrett flips out of a suplex and hits a ballshot.
- Jarrett with some stomps.
- Steiner reverses a whip to the corner but runs into a boot.
- Jarrett to the middle rope and he comes off with an axehandle.
- And an axehandle from the top.
- Jarrett to the middle rope again but he gets caught.
- Jarrett with an eye gouge, which leads to a backdrop suplex.
- Jarrett whips Steiner into a sleeperhold.
- Steiner tries to elbow out but Jarrett gets the hold back on.
- And a sleeper-reversal.
- Steiner with a vertical suplex.
- Awesome begins the standing ten-count, and is counting at normal speed. Given the logic, wouldn't it make more sense for Awesome to hit ten ASAP so Jarrett keeps the belt?
- Steiner comes back and hits a powerslam for a normal two-count.
- Steiner with a belly to belly off the corner for another fair two count. ¿Que?
- Jarrett with a kick to the chest.
- Jarrett tries The Stroke, but Steiner counters.
- Steiner with The Recliner but Cat declares the hold illegal.
- Awesome tries to break the hold and finally does so with a chair to the back.
- Jarrett covers Steiner for two. C'mon, heel refs do fast counts.
- Jarrett and Awesome put the boots to Steiner.
- Steiner gets whipped but delivers a double-clothesline.
- Jarrett bails, and Steiner suplexes Awesome.
- Steiner puts Awesome in the Recliner, and Jarrett breaks it up with a guitar.
- Jarrett covers for three.
- YOUR WINNER: Jeff Jarrett via pinfall in 9:10.
- Post-match, Cat prepares for an ass-whooping and gets one of his own when Steiner comes to.
- Jarrett and Awesome run-in but Steiner clears the ring.
- Goldberg hits the ring and spears Steiner to finally get some boos.
- Kevin Nash hits the ring and cleans house.
- Goldberg bails before Nash can nail him, though.