WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, May 8th, 2000

By King Leo

Finally! The King has come BACK to DDT Digest!

Except he's never really been here in the first place, other than a live Nitro report from a few years back and an occasional mailbag contribution.

Trivia Question: In 1992, the WWF and USWA began to share talent. This was begun when what USWA wrestler jumped the guardrail at a WWF event in Memphis to challenge what WWF wrestler?
For those of you who don't know, Jarod, the previous WCW Monday Nitro reporter would have gone off the deep end had he been forced to watch Nitro another week, so Bill's giving me a one-time shot at writing a report.
By way of introduction, I'm King Leo (known to the real world as Leroy L.) I've been an avid pro wrestling fan for twelve years, three months, and two days. I started my own web page about three years ago. I'm a student at Utah State University and plan to major in journalism. A lot of people have been saying that I only want to go into journalism to work for a wrestling magazine. Those people know me well.

The only problem is that DDT Digest is the peak of wrestling journalism, so there's nowhere to go but down.
But then again there's no pay rate but more.

So why am I doing this report if I don't get paid? Four words: False Sense of Importance.

Nitro tickets went on sale last Saturday for the May 29^th show in Salt Lake City, and I had to be at the ticket outlet an hour before they went on sale. I had to wait a whole fifteen minutes to get tickets.

It was amazing. I was the only non-redneck there.

But then again I listen to country music regularly, watch wrestling, and consider the non-wrestling highlight of the week to be my trip to Wal-Mart. And, to get to my house, you do have to turn off the main road onto a dirt one, so maybe I am.

I got the second best seats in the house besides ringside. The E-Center was designed to be a hockey arena, and if wrestling were hockey, we would be on the second row.
Then, in an extreme act of stupidity, I washed my pants with my wallet containing the 6 tickets. Luckily, fate smiled upon this self-proclaimed king and no major damage was done.

For those of you who have been unable to sleep for the because of a comment I made in the live arena report I wrote 2½ years ago, I'll make a correction. Eddy Guerrero didn't leap out of the ring onto himself. Rey Misterio Jr. leapt out of the ring onto Sr. Guerrero.
A few comments on Slamboree (and no I didn't see it, but I read a report by someone on the WCW websited who did):

Ralphus was the mystery partner? Does anyone remember when mystery partners used to be a new superstar or at least someone with the ability to do something related to wrestling besides set up the ring.
I refuse to call Hugh Morrus "Captain Rection." That's something that I would have found funny for about a week in junior high.

His senile grandfather must be rolling over in his grave in the Cemetery of Killed Angles.
"Captain Rection" is to Hugh Morrus as "Red Rooster" was to Terry Taylor.
What's next? The rebirth of the Dynamic Dudes? The return of Dean Douglas?
This is the type of thing where if people complain, Vince Russo will probably accuse them of the lack of a sense of humor. Well, I'll beat him to it by accusing this angle a lack of being interesting and/or funny.
Of course I thought the same thing of Val Venis until I actually saw him.

Not that I like the Val Venis angle all that much, but he's a great wrestler

I really hope that Ric Flair isn't faking another injury when I go to Nitro. The last time I went to Nitro, he was recuperating from the cage door being slammed on his head by Curt Hennig.
So David Arquette sold out. That gives me a great idea, so I've decided that I too am selling out. Need a dirty deed done? Just send the King an e-mail describing your dirty deed to do and what you're willing to pay him. The King will do all manner of low-down dirty deeds . . . if the price is right.

Disclaimer: That was a joke. King Leo really hasn't sold out and he really won't do all manner of low-down dirty deeds.

Unless, of course, the price is right.

Well, on that note, on with the show!

I am coming to live from my friend Allen's house.

"The Simpsons" starts at the same time as Nitro. Everybody else is watching that. I kind of feel like a little kid who can't go out and play because he has to practice the piano.

I also thought about waiting until the replay, but guess what? Simpsons is on then, too.

I'm watching from the little TV in case anyone cares.

We are coming to you live from the Trans World Dome in lovely St. Louis, Missouri.
We begin with some stills from the pay-per-view.

But as a change of pace, we get video footage of Chris Kanyon being thrown off the cage.

"Earlier Today" footage shows Diamond Dallas Page, who is "keeping vigil" on a "severely injured Chris 'Champagne' Kanyon."

At least Eric Bischoff and the New Blood was nice enough to bring along a six pack of whoop-#@! to keep DDP entertained.
Ernest Miller, Mike Awesome, and I suppose Jeff Jarrett were all involved in the carnage.

But I'm not actually sure because most of the time I was taking notes longhand because I left my tape recorder at college.

Kimberly pours the contents of a bedpan all over an unconscious DDP.

Live footage shows Ric Flair getting off a bus.

I guess now he's a jet flyin' bus ridin' son of a gun.

Our announcers are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, and Scott Hudson.
Eric Bischoff goes to the ring with Mike Awesome, Ernest Miller, David Arquette, Jeff Jarrett, and Kimberly.

There are many signs with misspelled words.

I hope I didn't misspell "misspell."

David Arquette looks like he's the illegitamate son of Ted DiBiase and The Godfather.
Bischoff grabs the mic and tries to get himself over.

He says that all that's happened with Arquette was a swerve, including DDP winning the title.
The only reason they let Page win the title was so they could screw him.

That means that DDP's the first guy to get screwed into a title.

Arquette grabs the mic and is annoying.
Kimberly and Mike Awesome put in their nickel's worth.
Cue Theme from DDP "Smells Like Nirvana."

DDP runs in and throws everyone out of the ring but Arquette.

Diamond Cutter for Mr. Cox.

There's a triple team on DDP.
Sting runs in to help so the New Blood doesn't do much damage.
Douglas and Bagwell run in, but we don't see them for long as Kronic comes running after.

Vampiro T-shirt ad.
Commercial break.

I was kind of surprised to see an ad for a business in my hometown until I remembered that I was in my hometown.

We come back to Mean Gene, The Bisch, and Co.

I guess they didn't get their nickel's worth after all.
The Bisch says that Diamond Dallas Page will wrestle Mike Awesome in a stretcher match later tonight.
The Bisch says that Jeff Jarrett will defend the World Heavyweight Title tonight against Sting.

Jarrett's a bit ticked at this.

Match #1: Hardcore champion Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley and Ralphus

Funk gets the mic.

He says he'll never lose the Hardcore championship.

If Smiley and Ralphus lose, they're fired.
They refer to Ralphus as "Monday Night Ralphus."
Funk knocks Ralphus with a chair, then he throws a chair at Smiley.
Smiley and Funk brawl in the crowd.
Smiley finds a golf cart.

He drives around for a while until Funk catches up with him and jumps on back.
They run into some milk crates.

They go into a room that was never positively identified.
They exchange cookie sheet shots.
Here come's Ralphus.
Ralphus with a barrage of cookie sheet shots. The only problem is that he's also hitting Screamin' Norman on the backswing.
The back Ralphus's shirt says "Say No To," with an arrow pointing down.
Some other stuff happens, then Funk hits both Smiley and Ralphus with a cookie sheet and pins them both.
Winner and still Hardcore champion: Terry Funk.
I guess this means that Ralphus and Smiley are fired.

The announcers talk about CCK and the Flair/Flair situation from last night.

Madden: "Mr. Russo is David Flair's father now."

Cut to Team Package in the back.

Flair says he's going "out there" on his own.
I guess Flair will be doing an interview.

Commercial break.
Flair's music brings out The Nature Boy himself.

Whoo!!!
Flair says that in nineteen hundred and seventy eight, Terry Funk went up to him and said that if he wanted to be famous, he should show up in St. Louis.
He says he won the NWA World title there.
He actually has the old NWA belt.
He also has a replica WCW World Title belt.
In referring to the WCW World Title belt, he said a line that I haven't heard forever from him: "It was mine before it was yours."
He calls out his son David and says he's not mad, but he demands an apology.

He says he's speaking as David's father, not as Ric Flair.

Dave and Daffney, the first couple of WCW come out followed by Vinnie Ru.
Dave hugs Russo.
Vince has the mic.

He says that there are t-shirts being printed that say "Tradition Sucks."

The only tradition that sucks is listening to Vince Russo talk when there could be some good wrestling going on.

Dave hugs Russo again.

I guess tonight's touchy feely night.

Yep, it's Touchy Feely Nitro.

Ric says that he warned David a year ago that if he wanted to become a wrestler, the promoters would try to split them apart.
Vince announces that Ric will face David at Bash at the Beach.
Ric says it won't happen.

Then, in a truly weird moment, Flair pulled out his cell phone and said that if David apologized, he'd call Vince McMahon and tell him that David would be on Raw next week.

That would be cool!

He says that Vince Russo burned his bridges with McMahon, but Ric Flair hadn't.

Ric talks to David and they hug, then Flair goes after Russo.
Ric finally gets his Rolex back, but then David knocks out Flair with a Statue of Liberty replica.
Vince says that he and David will see Ric at Bash at the Beach.

Commercial
Team Package is shown once again.

Ric Flair says he's had it with this business and drives off in the limo.

The Total Package's music plays, then Chuck Palumbo comes out.

I guess it's "Main Event" Chuck Palumbo now.

"Main Event" of what? Worldwide?

He has the mic.

He says he's 6' 5", 280 pounds, and 3 percent, not 4 percent, bodyfat.

He calls out Luger.
Here comes Luger (with Liz).

Luger with a kick, kick, punch and probably a clothesline.

R & B Security comes out and takes Liz.

Somewhere at this point Allen joins me and notes that R & B Security looks suspiciously like the Acolytes.

Luger attacks the security guys, but Palumbo attacks Luger from behind with one of those muscle flexors that Mr. T used to carry around.

Commercial Break
When we return, Luger's being put into an ambulance.
Cut to Vinnie's office, where David Flair and Crowbar are being kicked out, but Daffney and Elizabeth are told to stay.

He says that Liz will wrestle Daffney.
If Liz wins, Vince will rip up her contract and she can go back to being controlled by Luger.

Match #2: "The Perfect One" Shawn Stasiak vs. Capt. . . . no I refuse . . . Hugh Morrus.

Stasiak is in the ring.
He has the mic and says some generic heel stuff.
His opponent: Hugh! Morrus.
Curt Hennig's hanging around somewhere.
Hugh executes the ten punches in the corner.
Miss Hancock shows up making things more gratutitous.
Stasiak kicks Hennig in the groin, then hits the fisherman's suplex for the pin.
Lash LeRoux, Chavo Guerrero Jr., and Van Hammer come out to attend to Hugh.
Kevin Nash comes out and jackknifes Stasiak!
Nash takes the mic.

He wants to know what Russo was smokin' last night.
He says that he (Kevin Nash) was one of the people who helped him get a job with WCW.
He calls Russo out.

Instead of Russo, the Filthy Animals music starts playing and out comes Billy Kidman (with Torrie), Rey Misterio Jr., and Konnan.
Kidman has the mic.

He talks about how low on the <mute> (rhymes with totem) pole Nash is.

Then, Mark Madden repeats what Kidman says and doesn't get muted.

The Filthy Animals beat down Nash.
Here comes Hulk Hogan.
Nash grabs the stick again.

He challenges the Animals to a street fight tonight.

Cut to the back where DDP's rolling the stretcher down.
Commercial.

Everybody else is in the other room watching RAW on the big(ger) screen TV and they are laughing.

And I'm practicing "Chopsticks."

I refuse to use 1-800-CALL-ATT anymore because we can't trust David Arquette anymore.
I actually enjoyed hour one quite well, but it was hard to follow with just a pen and paper.

It could have used some more matches, though.

Match #3: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome in a stretcher match.

Here comes Bischoff again.

He's got Kimberly, who's looking especially hot tonight.

DDP's music plays again.
Bischoff and Kim join the announcers.
The announcers talk about DDP's problems: his wife wants a divorce, his best friend's in the hospital, David Arquette turned on him, and his pets' heads are falling off.
DDP clotheslines Awesome out of the ring.
Outside the ring, Awesome reverses an Irish whip into the barrier.
Back in the ring, Awesome stomps a mudhole in Page.
DDP with a move that if it were the Rock doing it, it would be the Rock Bottom, but I don't know how to spell it.
Then DDP misses with a clothesline but hits another.
Kim goes up to the ring with the divorce papers, momentarily distracting Page.
Awesome takes advantage and hits DDP with a chair.
General beating.
DDT onto a chair.
One good DDT deserves another.
They have the cool old school runway again tonight.
DDP's placed on the stretcher, but rolls off.
Awesome sets up a table.
Then he grabs a chair but misses.
DDP hits a knee to the midsection, but Awesome doesn't sell.
Chair shot.
DDP goes through the table.
They make DDP sign the divorce papers I think. I was momentarily distracted when I was explaining to Allen's mom why I wasn't in watching RAW with everyone else.
DDP gets rolled out on the stretcher.
Winner: Mike Awesome.

That wasn't a bad match.

In back, Vince Russo asks Scott Steiner for help.

Steiner: "I don't got to do nothin'."
Steiner walks off.

Commercial break.
Vince is with Tank Abbott.
Mean Gene interviews Jeff Jarrett.
Scott Steiner's music plays.

He flexes and shows his muscles that have muscles.
He starts talking about Hugh Morrus, but they mute out the sound because you can't say his new name on television.
He says that Booker's an amoeba: He has no backbone.
Here comes Tank.
Tank hits a low blow, throws a couple of punches, then hits the knockout punch.

Mean Gene in back with Sting.

Sting's getting a title shot tonight you know.
He says he's going to win the match.

Match #4: Harlem Heat 2000, Kronic, The Mamalukes, and The Harris Boys in an elimination match.

HH2K comes out (with Kash).
Harrises and Mamalukes are already in the ring.
Kronic comes out with the tag belts.
They mention that Shane Douglas and Marcus Bagwell are still champions.
Speak of the devils, here come Douglas and Bagwell now.
It's six against two.
Then Buff and The Franchise go to the announce table.
Cut to the back where Scott Steiner is throwing things.
Big Vito hits an elbowdrop from the top rope onto Bryan Clark.
Then Clark pinned a Mamaluke.

The WCW website doesn't say who it was, and I missed it.

Winner: Kronic
Except this is an elimination match, which someone forgot to inform me about.
One of the Harrises gets pinned.
It's down to Kronic and HH2K now.
Bagwell and Douglas run in on Kronic.
Stevie Ray nails his partner Big T with a slapjack and walks out.
Double chokeslam by Kronic on Big T.
1-2-3.
Winner: Kronic.

Scott Steiner runs down and hits Kash with a suplex.

Then he calls out Tank Abbott.
He's grabs a chair and sits down in the ring and says he's not leaving until Tank comes out.

They mute every other sentence.

Cut to the back where Tank tells Doug Dillinger not to screw up.

We go to a commercial break.

And I go to the RAW room to eat some boiled peanuts.

For those of you who don't know what a boiled peanut is, it's like a regular peanut, but boiled.

We come back to Goldberg's music.

But it's only Tank Abbott.

He has some R & B Security guys with him.
He does a Goldberg-esque entrance.

Scott Steiner dominates.
He hits a belly-to-belly suplex.
Steiner with a sleeper-type hold.
Here comes Rick Steiner from the crowd!
He apparently talks some sense into Scott, but as Scott turns, Rick nails him in the back.
Then Rick holds Scott so Tank can punch him.
I told Allen that Rick Steiner was back and he said, "Rick Steiner. Isn't that the Grimface Goblin?

Match #5: Elizabeth vs. Daffney.

Liz comes out to "Iron Man."
Daffney's shirt: Liz Will Die.

Daffney's kind of sexy in a psycho sort of way.

Liz punches Daffney then nails a hair beal.
Liz chokes Daffney.
Here comes Madusa to attack Liz.
Then Mona comes and attacks Madusa.
Liz goes out and grabs a chair.
Madusa hits Mona with a spinning heel kick.
Liz hits Madusa with a chair.
R & B Security comes out to haul off Liz.

Your winner: No contest.
Ad break.
Match #6: Hulk Hogan and Kevin Nash vs. The Filthy Animals.

Hogan, Nash, and Kidman each get a separate entrance.
The Filthy Animals come out, then beckon Mike Awesome.
It's four against two.
Juventud Guerrera comes on down.
Nash throws Mysterio across the ring like the proverbial lawn dart.
Hogan chases the Filthy Animals away.
Juvy nails Nash with a missile dropkick.
In back, the Filthy Animals attack Hogan with a baseball bat, then they put him in a trunk.
They drive away.
Back in the ring, Nash powerbombs Air Juvy.
In back, a Goldberg monster truck stops the progress of the Animals.
Your winner: No contest.

The Really Annoying Road Report.
Ad break.
When we return, someone has let Hogan out of the trunk.
Match #7: World Champion Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting.

The champ comes out first.

He's on the cover of WCW Magazine this month.

There's the Very Scary Crow^(TM).
Sting opts to walk down the aisle tonight.
Jarrett jumps Sting before the bell.
Sting shrugs it off and whips him into the corner.
Time now to prove that wrestling fans can count to 10 with the ten punches.
Sting misses a Stinger splash, but stops in time to avoid damage.
Jarrett goes out, then Sting suplexes him up onto the ramp.

One of the announcers said that Jarrett hit at the "height of velocity." He didn't.

Back in the ring, Jarrett hits Sting with a chair twice.

Allen's brother Mark walks by and notes that Jarrett looks like Crash Holly.

Sting hits a vicious clothesline.
Jarrett gets Sting in a figure-four leglock.

Sting's fighting.
Finally, Sting reverses it.
But Jarrett grabs the rope.

Sting blocks a punch, then hits a clothesline and two Stinger splashes.
Sting with the Scorpion deathlock.

He has it on good.

Vampiro breaks through the bottom of the ring and pulls Sting down.
Some mysterious fire extinguisher stuff comes out from the hole.
Sting comes back covered with New Blood and is unconscious.
Jarrett covers Sting for the win.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett.
Vampiro beats on Sting.
Here comes the New Blood!

Namely Shane Douglas, Chris Candido, Mike Awesome, and Shawn Stasiak.

Here come Hogan and Nash to make the save.
The Goldberg truck runs over some cars out back.
Nitro's over, and I run to the next room to watch Raw.

Wow! Nitro was pretty good tonight. I think I enjoyed it better than RAW.
Trivia Answer: Jeff Jarrett challenged Intercontinental champion Bret Hart.

The Good: Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett was a good match. Rick Steiner's back.

The Bad: Bischoff and Russo spent way too much time talking. Knowing my luck Ric Flair won't be at the Nitro I'm going to.

The Ugly: Say No To (arrow pointing down).

Back to DDT Digest