WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, March 27^th, 2000

• I'll skim the mail bag this week, but for those of you who are curious why no replies, I received a little over 100 e-mails last week. From now on, I'll do the weekly mail bag like this, but otherwise, I won't be replying to e-mail. I do read everything you send, I just don't have time between writing this report, running my page and everything else to reply to every e-mail I receive..

• Mailbag:
  • Adrian writes:

    I read your Nitro report and it was pretty good. However, There is someone in the History of Wrestling that did do promos saying "I'm gonna get killed in my match". None other than Mikey Whipwreck. Yes, in his early ECW jobber days. He got squashed by everyone. It was like three months before he got an offensive move off. Earning the Joey Styles Line. "Oh my GOD!!! MIKEY HIT HIS FIRST OFFENSIVE MOVE!!!!" Anyway Whipwreck scored a fluke win over Pitbull #2 and they scheduled a match for an edtion of the videotaped Show. But in a promo for the match Mikey said, "Pitbull #2, this Sunday night in our match, you're gonna' kill me!!!!." It was pretty funny stuff. Just thought I would let you know that some one has done interviews stating they are gonna lose.

  • Tom writes:

    A good write up on Nitro. The "Sid turning on Hogan" was evident the whole Nitro, from Madden dissing Hogan, to the press conference, to finally Madden giving it away before Sid chokeslammed Hogan. The crack about Madden and the Olympic sized pool was great. I've been a Hogan fan for life.... but even I have to admit it has to come to a conclusion soon for the sake of WCW and the remaining talent WCW still has. Do it for the children, Hulk.

    And the sanity of every WCW fan who still watches.

  • I received a few e-mails concerning my comments on Sting, this one best represents them.

    Just a little something I thought I'd share.

    You said: "Despite the ratings and PPV buy-rates hitting new lows, WCW insists upon basing everything around Hogan."

    The above statement crystallizes the very reason why Sting takes six months off while completely healthy.

    I could list many, many more reasons related to the above statement. But more comments about Starrcade 1997 and the subsequent ruination of Sting's push aren't needed.

    Which is exactly WCW's problem, too many wrestlers calling the shots, refusing to do jobs or having a set number of appearences in their contract. This hurts them even more at a time like now when business is down.

• And that's that.

• We are live tonight from South Padre Island, Texas for Spring Breakout 2000.
  • What? No pool around the ring this year? That sucks.

• Opening montage.
  • No Nitro Girls in it anymore.

• And we go to Gene right away.
  • After some delay, Kimberly comes down, not wearing a whole lot.
    
    • After more delays, she introduces the "self proclaimed King of Badda-Bing", Diamond Dallas Page.
      • Self proclaimed? That's kinda' harsh of her.
  • Gene mentions DDP's appearance on the Craig "Clayborn" show, as well as his back injury.
  • Basically, a 5 minute commercial for his book and the movie, Ready to Rumble.
  • Jarrett interrupts when DDP mentions wanting to be a 3-time World Champion.
  • Jarrett says DDP won't be a 3-time anything as long as he's around.
  • April 5^th, Jarrett says he will crash the Ready to Rumble premiere party at Mann's Chinese Theatre.

• Tony goes through the card tonight, Sting and Vampiro take on Team Package in a Texas Tornado Tag Match.
  • Sign behind the announcers: "I wish I was at Raw".
    
    • And I'd rather be recapping Raw.
  • Tony then talks about rumors of Bischoff's return and that Vince Russo may be returning.
  • We'll know for sure by the end of Nitro tonight.
  • And Tony will not call a single match until we find out.
    • Observation: Madden has bigger breasts than Kimberly, not a pretty thing.
  • Recap of Hogan on the Mancow Radio show, leading up to Jimmy Hart attacking Mancow.
  • Please, whomever is booking this crap, at least have that match on a Thunder or a PPV.

• Three wrestlers are backstage talking.
  • Paisley walks up to them and tells them TAFKAPI wants to face on of them tonight.
  • She asks TAFKAPI which one, then she randomly picks one.

• Steiner talks to some women in a pool.
  • Not sure, but I think they're the nWo girls.
  • Jarrett tells him to leave them and go with the nWo to the beach.
  • Pointless.

• Gene interviews Booker about his match tonight against one of the Harris Twins.

• Match 1: WCW World Cruiserweight Champion TAFKA Prince Iaukea (W/Paisley) Vs. Michael Modest
  • Modest was the randomly picked opponent.
  • Random matches? Is Bischoff already booking?
  • TAFKAPI makes his entrance, than Chris Candido's music starts up, but he doesn't come out.
  • Arm drags to start, TAFKAPI with a hook kick.
  • TAFKAPI yawns, turning around into a punch.
  • TAFKAPI tries a whip, but Modest reverses it.
  • Modest goes for a backdrop, but TAFKAPI kicks him in the chest.
  • Modest with some punches in the corner.
  • TAFKAPI runs in for a clothesline, Modest catches him with a T-Bone suplex.
    • Schiavone comments on Russo and Bischoff possibly working together.
    • Madden: "What's next? The Cat working with the Dog? Roadrunner and the Coyote? Rosie O' Donnel working with a personal trainer?"
      • Um, the Cat worked with the Dog on Thunder.
      • Also, Madden is the last person in the world who should try to crack jokes over another person's weight.
  • Modest with more punches in the corner.
  • And a chop out of the corner.
  • Schiavone announces a $500,000 bounty placed on Hogan by Sid.
  • Modest whips TAFKAPI into the corner, where he falls over.
  • Brawling outside, Chavo comes out.
  • As does Candido.
  • TAFKAPI whips Modest into the corner, followed up by a pin attempt.
  • Modest hooks a Spicolli Driver, but only gets 2.
  • TAFKAPI hits a Samoan drop, only getting a 2 count.
  • Modest gets distracted by Chavo, TAFKAPI tries a victory roll from behind, but only gets 2.
  • Modest hits TAFKAPI into Paisley on the apron, knocking her off.
  • TAFKAPI tries for a pile-driver, but Modest goes for a backdrop, except he keeps TAFKAPI on his back.
  • Nice! Modest hooks TAFKAPI's head under his arm and his leg over his shoulder and plants TAFKAPI. Sort of like a reverse cradle DDT.
    • Schiavone and Madden have never seen it, must be something from Nova.
  • Modest follows that up with the 3 count!
  • Your Winner: Michael Modest via pinfall (in a non-title match)
  • Good match, great result.

• Gene interviews the Harris Twins regarding their cancelled Tag Title match against Booker and Kidman.

• Spring Breakout on the beach earlier.

• The Orange Menace arrives backstage along with Jimmy Hart.
  • Vampiro stops him and says he wants to talk to him.

• Match 2: Booker Vs. Ron Harris (W/ Don Harris)
  • Brawling to start, Booker gets distracted by Don.
  • Ron goes to clothesline Booker out, but just brushes the top of his head.
  • But Booker is a good sport, so he goes out anyway.
  • Outside, Don puts the boots to Booker.
  • Don rolls Booker back inside, where Ron whips him into the ropes.
  • Ron catches Booker with a SIDEWALKSLAM!!!!!
  • Booker battles back with some punches, until Ron goes to the eyes.
  • Ron whips Booker into the ropes.
  • Booker ducks and catches Ron with a Urinage.
    • It looked much better than last week's stinker.
  • Booker catches Ron with a spinebuster, then knocks Don off the apron.
  • Kick to the chest, Booker with a scissorkick.
  • SPINNEROONI!!!! SPINNEROONI!!!! SPINNEROONI!!!!
    • I'm putting a $20 bounty on Madden's head.
    • Hey, Bill doesn't pay me so that's about my budget.
    • I got an additional $5 from a friend, anyone else want to kick in some money to help end the world's pain?
  • Jarrett runs down to ringside.
  • Jarrett gets the ref's attention.
  • Don gets in the ring and the Harris Twins H-Bomb Booker.
  • Don rolls out while Ron pins Booker.
  • Your Winner: Ron Harris via pinfall
  • Amazing isn't it? Unlike Schiavone, I can now tell the Harris Twins apart.
  • Post match, Houston Heat 2000 runs down to the ring.
  • St. Stevie and the Imitator of Offense, Big T beat down Booker until he counters with a drop kick to both of them.
  • Meanwhile, Cash tries to fit through the ropes.
  • Cash finally succeeds and catches Booker with a Urinage.
  • Kidman tries to help, but gets beat down Houston style.

• Vampiro warns Hogan about Sid's bounty.
  • Vamp said the offer made him sick, I say watching Hogan is the cause of the illness.
  • Hogan thanks Vamp, then promptly goes on a radio show and buries him.

• Gene calls out Hogan for an interview.
  • Hogan gets a decent reaction.
  • The reason? Drunken frat boys.
  • Hogan says Vamp is the wrestler of the future, so he'll have to do his best to bury him just like Jericho, Guerrero, Malenko, Saturn and Benoit.
  • Cookie cutter Hogan interview, Hogan offers another $500,000 for someone to accept Sid's bounty.
  • The Wall's music plays.
    • Bill, do I get hazard pay?
  • Wall is on top of a nearby building, motioning for a chokeslam.
  • There should be a special stipulation...first guy to sell loses and has to retire.

• Tenay interviews the Mamalukes along wth Disco Inferno.
  • Vito insults Disco for not getting them a Tag Title shot yet.
  • Tonight they face the Jung Dragons.

• Ready to Rumble promo.

• Match 3: The Jung Dragons Vs. the Mamalukes and Disco Inferno
  • The Jung Dragons come out with 3 Count's green discs.
  • They mimic 3 Count singing and dancing, until thankfully Vito and Johnny the Bull sneak up and attack them.
  • Vito and Johnny absolutely destroy the Dragons. Not much to discuss here.
  • Disco begs for a tag, which after much debate, the Mamalukes accpet by slapping Disco hard.
  • Immediately thereafter, the Harris Twins jump the Mamalukes.
  • Disco gets triple-teamed by the Jung Dragons.
  • Combo splash and leg-drop off the top rope on Disco for the 3 count.
    
  • Your Winner: The Jung Dragons via pinfall
  • Good match, I didn't do it justice.
  • 6-man tags with high flyers are tough to follow.
  • During the match, Schiavone said that Russo has agreed to work with the Bisch.
  • Who cares?
  • Well, I guess anything is better than Sullivan booking.
  • Post-match, the Harris Twins destroy the Jung Dragons.

• Team Package and Sting and Vampiro are heading to the ring.

• Nitro Girls

• Match 4: Team Package (W/Elizabeth) Vs. Sting and Vampiro - Texas Tornado Tag Match.
  • Brief explanation, no DQ, falls count anywhere. There are 2 refs.
  • Flair gets the first intro.
  • We are "treated" to Luger's entrance.
  • Sting and Vamp jump Team Package mid-posing.
  • Flair and Vamp, Sting and Luger.
  • Sting hits several Stinger Splashes immediately.
  • Sting and Luger leave the ring and brawl towards a pool near a hotel.
    • Ahh! Here's this year's pool victim.
  • Vamp sells Flair's chops, that's a first.
  • Flair goes to work on Vamp's arm.
  • Luger sets Sting up for a piledriver, while Liz throws something at Sting, which does nothing but cause her to laugh.
  • Sting reverses and backdrops Luger into the pool.
  • Sting chases Liz off while Luger gets out.
  • Back in the ring, Vamp has Flair in a leg-lock.
  • A waiter gets in between Luger and Sting, so Luger grabs his tray and hits Sting with it.
  • Luger than shoves the waiter into the pool.
    
  • Flair took control in the ring, but Vamp comes back with a sunset flip.
  • Sting and Luger fight over towards a bar, where Liz throws a tray of dip on Sting.
  • Luger tries to shove Sting's face in a bowl of guacamole, instead Sting throws the bowl over Luger's head, then shoves Luger's face in a bowl of dip.
    
  • Flair has Vamp in a figure four, pretty good Vampiro chant.
    • Beats the dozen drunken frat boys chanting Hogan.
  • Sting and Luger brawl towards the beach, where Sting hits Luger with an inflatable tube, but Liz counters by hitting Sting with an inflatable Shamu!
  • Devastating!
  • Luger throws Sting into a surf-board, then hits him with it.
  • They fight into the water.
  • Luger tries a clothesline, Sting kinda' catches him with a Samoan drop.
  • Sting piledrives Luger into the water.
  • Sting covers and gets the 3 count.
  • Your Winner: Sting and Vampiro via pinfall
  • Vampiro celebrates in the ring.
  • Crappy wrestling, but it was a fun brawl to watch.

• Booker is interviewed as to what he thinks of Bischoff/Russo returning.
  • He says he doesn't kiss ass, he just wants them to do their jobs.

• Spring Breakout commercial for Tinactin.

• Gene interviews Terry Funk about his match tonight with Hugh Morrus.
  • He'll take care of Morrus tonight, pretty pointless.

• Match 5: Meng (w/HUGE hair) Vs. La Parka
  
  • Ugh, Meng.
  • La Parka gets a good reaction.
  • La Parka grabs a mic, again with the phantom voice.
  • "Hey Jungle Jim, I'm gonna give you one chance to step off before I knock the kinks out of that Angela Davis-looking afro you got going."
  • Mid-speech, he points to the mic and shakes his head, claiming he isn't saying that.
  • Whole lot of slapping and no-selling.
  • Parka hits Meng with a chair, then poses.
  • Parka turns around and tries to take another swing, but Meng applies the Tongan Death Grip for the pinfall win.
  • Your Winner: Meng via pinfall
  • Post match, Tank Abbott comes down.
  • Fit Finlay attacks him and a brawl ensues.

• KidCam catches Buff hitting on the women Steiner hit on earlier.
  • The nWo is watching and Steiner flips out.

• Finlay is interviewed about his thoughts on Russo/Bischoff.
  • He thinks it is a good thing basically.

• Road Report

• Commercial for the Sid, Sting and Nitro Girls videos.

• Bif Naked music video for Ready to Rumble.

• Clips of Wall's recent victims.

• Match 6: Hugh Morrus Vs. Terry Funk
  • Morrus insults Funk.
  • Funk comes down with a chair.
  • The ref tries to get rid of the chair.
  • Morrus takes advantage of the distraction and attacks Funk.
  • Fists and chops to start, Funk takes a few chops, then dishes out some of his own.
    • Next week, Nitro will be pre-empted with the Best of Nitro special.
    • Same with Thunder next week, Schiavone says it is to give the Bisch and Russo time to write some storylines.
  • Funk slams Morrus' head into the turnbuckle.
  • Punches in the corner.
  • Funk goes up for a moonsault, but Morrus moves and he misses.
  • Morrus catches Funk with a powerbomb.
  • Morrus goes up top, missing an elbow.
  • Funk rolls outside.
  • They brawl off the stage into the sand below.
  • Morrus with a piledriver in the sand.
  • Funk crawls into the ring.
  • Morrus kicks Funk around, Funk comes back with some punches.
  • Morrus clotheslines Funk.
  • Morrus clotheslines Funk outside.
  • Outside, Funk gets a chair and hits Morrus with it.
  • Dustin Rhodes tries to ambush Funk, but gets hit with the chair.
  • Morrus takes advantage and throws Funk back inside.
  • Morrus whips Funk into the ropes, catching him with a slow powerslam.
  • Morrus goes up top and lands the No Laughing Matter, but before the ref can count to 3, Rhodes attacks Morrus with a chair, then hits the ref.
  • Your Winner: Hugh Morrus via disqualification
  • Rhodes drops Morrus again, Funk then drops Rhodes with a punch.
  • Rhodes and Funk brawl outside post match.
  • In the ring, Morrus sets the ref up for a moonsault.
  • And he lands it.

• The nWo is heading to the ring.

• WCW magazine commercial

• Jeff Jarrett Slapnutz T-Shirt commercial.

• Hogan interview
  • Well y'know brother, this match is going to suck big time.
  • Hogan calls Vampiro "Vampyro", then says ass a lot.

• Match 7: Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett (w/nWo Girls) Vs. Buff Bagwell and Curt Hennig
  • Steiner gets a mic and doesn't say anything that will get him suspended.
    • If you can believe it!
  • Jarrett lets the nWo girls stay at ringside.
  • Backstage, Hennig tells Buff to stay out of it, because Steiner is pissed at him.
    • We go to commercials, but first...
    • TAFKAPI is asked what he thinks of the Bisch and Russo returning.
      • I had to translate a bit, but he said "I'm f***ed, no push for me unless Sullivan is in charge."
  • Back from commercial, more commercials for the sponsors of Spring Breakout 2000.
  • Finally, we get Hennig's entrance.
  • Hennig gets double-teamed while Buff takes his time getting to the ring.
  • Y'know, he has to spend his energy posing and jumping around like an ass, instead of wrestling.
  • Hennig regains control as Bagwell gets to the ring, helping Hennig clear the ring.
  • Buff POSES!! What a surprise!
  • Jarrett sneaks in the ring and hits Buff with a few punches.
  • Jarrett throws Buff into the corner, where he punches him some more.
  • Jarrett whips Buff into the ropes, but Buff ducks and kicks Jarrett in the gut, followed by a lazy swinging neckbreaker.
  • Buff with a lazy clothesline and a lazy dropkick to match.
  • Bagwell's really mailing it in as usual.
  • AND HE DANCES!!!!
  • Tag to Hennig, Hennig with some chops in the corner.
  • Hennig whips Jarrett into the corner, then runs in after.
  • Jarrett counters with a back elbow, then a tag to Steiner.
  • Steiner looks pissed, someone's getting hurt.
  • Steiner clubs Hennig, then whips him at the ropes.
  • Hennig reverses it, then gets confused.
  • He hooks Steiner for a suplex, then stands there.
  • Huh?
  • Steiner shoves Hennig into the corner.
  • Steiner knees Hennig in the gut.
  • Steiner tries a hip-toss, but Hennig counters with a hip-toss of his own.
  • Hennig brings Steiner into the corner, where he tags Buff.
  • Buff with some punches, then a whip to the ropes.
  • Steiner reverses and throws Buff into Jarrett's foot.
  • Steiner catches Buff with a overhead belly to belly suplex.
  • Steiner throws Buff in the corner, then tags Jarrett.
  • Jarrett punches Buff down in the corner.
  • Jarrett whips Buff into the ropes, Buff catches him with a double arm DDT.
  • Both men down and the ref counts.
  • Both men tag out, Steiner charges Hennig, Hennig ducks.
  • All four guys are in, Buff takes on Jarrett, Hennig puts Steiner in the corner and punches him.
  • Buff hits Jarrett with the Buff Blockbuster.
  • The nWo girls distract Buff, who gets clotheslined out of the ring by Steiner.
  • Outside, the girls tend to Buff, teasing dissention.
  • Hennig hooks Steiner for the Hennig-plex.
  • Jarrett makes the save with a guitar shot.
  • Steiner locks on the Steiner Recliner.
  • Hennig submits.
  • Your Winner: Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner via submission
  • After Hennig submits, the girls leave Buff.
  • Buff finally decides to go check on Hennig.

• Vito is asked what he thinks of Bisch/Russo.
  • He thinks its a good start to get back on track.

• Match 8: The Wall Vs. Hulk Hogan (w/o Talented opponent to carry him)
  • Ugh, this won't be pretty.
  • "Strapmaster" Jimmy isn't with Hogan.
  • Smart man.
  • Generic brawling, chokes and eye rakes.
  • You expect more?
  • Wall is in control until Hogan has sold all he plans to tonight.
  • Hogan with some weak looking punches, followed by nine punches in the corner.
  • They brawl outside, Wall hits Hogan with a chair.
  • And Hogan sold it!
  • Wall gets a table set-up.
  • Hogan gets a chair, then rakes Wall's eyes.
  • Hogan with a bunch of chairshot.
  • Then Wall gets tired of selling and goes inside, kicking Hogan.
  • Wall whips Hogan into the ropes, missing a clothesline.
  • On the second attempt, Wall grabs Hogan for the chokeslam.
  • And plants him with it.
  • But this is Hogan, so he won't sell it. Damn cartoon characters.
  • And my attention is completely gone.
  • Boot to the face shoulder.
  • Leg drop of eternal damnation.
  • Now it's Wall's turn to no sell.
  • Vampiro runs down for no apparent reason, causing the DQ.
  • Your Winner: The Wall via disqualification
  • Post match, the faces drive Wall out of the ring and through the table.
  • And that's that.

• Feel free to send me feedback here.

The Bad: Too much brawling. It makes the show easier to write about, but harder to watch.

The Ugly: Wall and Hogan should never be in the same match ever again.