WCW Saturday Night - March 11^th, 2000

• Hey, fellow ddtdigest.com readers! My name is Dan, and this is my first report for Bill, and I appreciate the chance to submit something to a site for which I have a great respect. I have been counting the days until this great, exciting, star-filled, extravaganza kicked off, and...Oh, wait. I am not doing the WWF RAW report, am I? Dang. I guess I actually am going to watch all 120 minutes of WCWSN, ain't I? Well, there is a first time for everything, all. I will do my best to keep up with all of the moves in the match, being that I can't tape it with this new-fangled VCR I got. Technology just done whupped my fruit-booty, so I am taking notes as we go!

• Well, it seems to be habit amongst the regular event writers to take a dip into the mailbag:

• My wife writes:

Dan, remember to pick up some garbage bags on the way home, and don't get those cheap ones again, ok?

• Well, that's it for the mailbag, onto the shooooooooooow!

• We are TAPED in Bismarck (spelled right, thanks Microsoft Spell Check!) with your hosts Larry Zybszko and Scott Hudson. Zybszko, seen later, is wearing a suit right out of a 1979 American Bandstand. You wouldn't even see Disco wearing that thing…

• Match #1: The Harris Boys vs. Disorderly Conduct
• The Harris Boys come out with the nWo music
• Mean Mike and Tough Tom make their way down the aisle
• No way I can tell Tom from Mike, or Don from Ron, so bear with me and let's have fun by pretending it all matters!
• Harris Boys beat both DC boys down.
• Don? throws out Tough Tom
• Ron? in ring with Mean Mike, gets a knee lift and throws him out
• Don? and Tough Tom get back in and Tom gets some short lived offense in before getting beat down again
• H-Bomb on Tough Tom
• H-Bomb on Mean Mike
• Your Winners: The Harris Boys
• Absolutely NO play-by-play with that match.
• Larry and Scott sell us on what bad boys the Harris twins are. Riiiiight.

• We have TITLE MATCHES GALORE! TAFKAPI is here! 3 Count! Mamalukes! Hacksaw! Haayyyyyyooooooo! And Mona, yes, the women are back!

• Norman Smiley vs. Scotty Zappa (without Frank, Moon Unit, and Dweezil)
• The Savior of WCW comes out in the attire of the Bismarck Bobcats.
• No, Smiley, not Zappa
• Hudson actually says that Smiley "re-invented the hardcore style". He said that!
• Lock-up, Norman teases the SMBU to the crowd's delight
• Zappa claims Norman pulled his hair
• Headlock again, Irish whip by Norman, shoulder block, and teases the SMBU again
• Zappa with the back elbow to the head, and a whip, gut punch, followed by a neckbreaker
• Sidewalk Slam by Zappa for a two count, then chokes Norm in the corner
• Neck wrench/rest hold by Zappa
• Irish whip by Zappa, he goes for the back body drop, and Norman tries a sunset flip. Zappa attempts to jump down on Norman butt-first, no one home
• Full power slam by Norman, and Houston, we have the SMBU
• Whips Zappa to the corner, tries to follow, Zappa gets the boot up.
• Zappa gets distracted, and the Norman Conquest gets locked on
• Your Winner: Norman Smiley

• Wait! There is a situation backstage!
• Not before we get the WCWSN logo, though…
• Ummm, Barry Horowitz is...standing there.
• Allan Funk walks up and asks "Hey Barry, think you're ever gonna win a match?"
• Barry shoots back with "Gonna win one tonight!" as he pushes Funk aside.
• Hmmmm. Something tells me that he has a match against Allan Funk tonight! Must be the Jean Dixon in me.
• That was quite a tense situation!

• Three Count vs Jeremy Lopez, El Dandy, and The Silver King! Yes!
• 3 Count is in the ring already, doing their "thing".
• If they are supposed to suck, WCW is doing something right!
• Dandy and Evan to start
• Dandy slaps all three, and Lopez is into body press Evan
• Double leapfrog/body press on Evan by Dandy and Silver King
• Evan tags to Shane Helms
• Lopez is tagged in to get a gut wrench suplex
• Lariat by Jeremy Lopez
• Neckbreaker by Helms for 2, broken up by the King
• Enziguri kick from Helms, gets 2, pin attempt reversal from Lopez, and again from Helms.
• Evan back in, double knife edge chop by Evan and Shane
• Evan dances, tags in Shannon Moore
• Powerslam on Lopez gets a 2 count (by 3 Count?)
• Sunset flip from the top rope by Shannon
• The Young Dragons are out to watch the match. Yay.
• Dandy and Silver King are back in as we get back to the match
• Dandy with an inverted surfboard and some kicks to the body and head
• Shannon over the ropes with a suicide dive onto King and Dandy outside
• Lopez and Evan in the ring mixing it up
• Helps on the top rope and a huge frog splash onto Lopez for the pin
• Your Winners: 3 Count
• Pretty darn good match

• Recap of the crapola between Dustin Rhodes and Terry Funk

• Bad Barry Horowitz vs. Allan Funk (w/out Jimmy Jack)

• They get nose to nose.
• Push down to the canvas by Barry, and two headlocks with a takedown
• Takedown by Funk, while he talks some sauce to Barry
• Face slam by Funk followed by a full body slam
• Funk punches Barry in the corner, whip to the opposite corner, and Barry gets the foot up to Funk's face and follows with a lariat
• Barry with the finger stomp
• Jawbreaker by Barry
• Kneelift by Barry
• Barry initiates a test of strength thing and turns it into a nice suplex
• Chokes Funk on the ropes, and hits an elbow on the apron
• Both men back in for some brawling
• ...just to remind us that this is a grudge match, of course!
• Barry with a single leg cradle for 2
• Funk back on offense, cut short with a Horowitz thumb to his eye
• Barry gets a 2 count, as Funk reverses it while holding Barry's tights
• Hey! That's cheating! There's no place in wrestling for a cheater!
• Your winner: Allan Funk

• Jeff Jarrett promo. He is the chosen one, ya slapnuts!

• TV Champion Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Frankie Lancaster
• I think Hacksaw might actually be fighting Burt Lancaster.
• Hacksaw gets the "USA" chant going, of course trying to strike fear into the American opponent, #1 Contender Frankie Lancaster
• Lock up to start, Frankie goes down
• Atomic drop by Hacksaw
• Both out of the ring, Hacksaw punches Frankie into the gate
• Frankie gets some offense and throws Hacksaw back into the ring
• Frankie with some punches, Hacksaw showing a LOT of saliva!
• Frankie knocks him down with a punch, and gets two
• Hacksaw reverses a whip, and hits a powerslam
• The three point stance! Old Glory!
• Your Winner and TV Champion: Hacksaw Jim Duggan

• Todd Perry vs. Tommy Rodgers
• Lock up, Rodgers down, then lands a head scissors on Perry
• Drop toe hold by Rodgers, followed by a kick to the head
• Irish whip, drop kick by Perry but no one's home
• Rodgers with a suplex
• Perry with some knife edge chops, Rodgers throws Perry outside
• Perry throws Rodgers into the gate
• Perry goes for a shoulderblock on Rodgers into the post, Rodgers moves
• Both back in, Perry whips Rodgers into the corner, follows with a hand-spring back elbow
• Perry hits a vertical suplex
• Perry with a frog splash, but you guessed it, no one home
• Some sort of mini-surfboard by Rodgers
• He follows it with a type of faceplant, called the TommyKnocker by Hudson
• Your Winner: Tommy Rodgers (breathing WAY hard)

• Hulk Hogan typical crappy interview. I can't watch. I pick up some of Johnny Dangerously on Bravo

• Hudson and Larry hype The Wall (not Pink Floyd, darn it) with clips and tables

• Judge Joseph A. Wapner at Uncensored?
• No, just a commercial for 888-CASH-593. Sigh

• Mona vs. Little Jeannie
• Lock up, and a snap mare by Mona with some knife edge chops
• Little Jeannie with a German Suplex
• Two Elbowdrops by Jeannie
• Going for a third, but she stops to do things heels do
• No one home for the third one
• Jeannie gets a kick and a suplex
• Jeannie up to the top rope for a splash, again, no one home
• Chop by Mona, whips Jeannie to the corner
• Handspring back elbow followed by a bulldog for Mona and a 123
• Your Winner: Mona (Miss Madness 2000) Yawn.

• Recap of the Luger, Flair, and Arn Anderson squabble from Thunder
• Mamalukes (w/Disco) vs. The Armstrongs (w/o the Road Dogg) vs. JC Ice and Wolfie D (w/o Rikishi and no dancing)
• A clip is shown from LAST WEEK
• We know it is last week because it has a caption saying LAST WEEK
• The Harris Boys pay off Scott and Steve to take out the Mamalukes
• Another clip is shows from LAST WEEK
• Again, we know it is last week because it has the same caption saying LAST WEEK
• The Harris Boys pay off Wolfie and JC to take out the Mamalukes
• Johnny the Bull and Steve to start
• Takedown by Steve and a quick 2 count
• JC and Wolfie beat down Bull
• Steve gets Bull in a Boston Crab
• Vito goes for the save after Steve lets Bull out, and gets beat down by JC and Wolfie
• Scott in, doubleteams Bull with JC Ice
• Quadrupleteam on Bull, as the ref tries to keep out Vito, of course
• Wolfie in, beats down Bull, tags in Ice
• More quadrupleteam action
• Wolfie back in as Vito gets the tag
• Wolfie hits a drop toe hold on Vito
• Armstrongs start fighting Ice and Wolfie out of nowhere
• Vito lands a nice implant DDT on Ice
• Johnny the Bull up with a top rope leg drop as Vito gets the pin
• Your Winners: The Mamalukes
• The Harris Boys are out, and they yell and yammer about Uncensored

• Kidman (w/ Hottie Torrie) vs. TAFKAPI (w/ Appolonia Paisley)
• Prince taunts a fat guy at ringside
• Stalls, takes forever
• Kidman punches Prince, huge back body drop
• Kidman kicks on Prince in the corner
• Prince reverses a whip and hits an elbowdrop in Billy's jewels.
• Elbow to the head of Kidman
• Snapmare, legdrop, gets a 2 count
• Hair pull by the Prince, followed by a snap suplex, and throws Kidman to the floor
• Paisley taunting Kidman, Torrie comes over to give her the why & what for
• Prince hits Kidman from behind, and follows with a thumb to the eye
• Kidman whipped into the gate
• Throws Kidman back into the ring, slithers over to cover for 2
• Reverse chinlock by Prince, Kidman fights up
• Prince throws him back down with a handful of hair
• Prince with a Samoan drop and a lateral press for 2
• Kidman gets a type of powerbomb for 2
• Kidman tries a suplex which is reversed into a northern lights suplex for 2
• Prince gets a belt from Paisley, and smack Kidman in the teeth with it
• Your Winner: Billy Kidman (DQ)
• Prince threatens Charles Robinson, who promptly throws the prince down to the canvas.

• We come back from a commercial to see what happened during the break
• A catfight between Torrie and Paisley.
• Woo. Hoo.

• US Champion Jeff Jarrett (w/Harris Boys) vs. The Demon
• Jarrett on the stick, talking about Slapnuts Country (Bismarck)
• Talks more sauce about Sid and Demon
• Demon's intro cuts him off
• JJ attacks Demon in the ring from behind
• JJ knocks Demon's head into the corner, 3 punches to the head from the second rope
• Whip into the corner for JJ, then the other corner
• Demon whips JJ into the ropes, JJ telegraphs the backdrop with a kick
• Sends Demon outside for the Harris Boys to manhandle
• JJ out, Demon's head into the steel stairs
• Drops Demon onto the gate
• Back into the ring
• Demon with a small package for 2
• Demon with a flurry of punches
• Demon whips JJ into the ropes, JJ with a baseball slide through
• JJ hits The Stroke and covers for the pin
• Your Winner and US Champion: Jeff Jarrett
• Guitar shot for The Demon as a message to Gene Simmons and Sid
• One more Slapnuts, and the show ends with a few more plugs for the PPV

The Good: Some of the wrestling was pretty good. I had never heard of some guys, and wish it had stayed that way, but the tag matches were nice a solid, decent action

The Bad: I will never care about TAFKAPI. I don't care how he comes down to the ring. The Harris Boys are boring, Demon is worse. Although kudos to the Demon for bagging Asya!

The Ugly: This show being two hours is so boring. Unless they can put on exciting matches, I would normally not even think to watch this show. Understandably, they have to showcase some younger talent, but not on my time, thanks. I guess for most, there is very little to care about in WCW until Goldberg comes back, and they show the cojones to make him a heel. Just an opinion

Hope you enjoyed the report, and feel free to email me!