"I fought the law and the law won.
Oh, I fought the law and the law won."
-- Bobby Fuller Four
"I fought the crap and the crap won.
Oh, I fought the crap and the crap won."
-- Wade
Yes, that's right. After a little over two years of reporting on WCW Monday Nitro (first for the IWZ, then for DDT Digest), I've decided that I can't take it any more. The giant volumes of crap streaming out of Atlanta are too much for me to take. Like Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair in the 80s, I'm saying "I Quit."
I've been a WCW/NWA fan since I was a little kid, watching Barry Windham, the Horsemen, Dusty Rhodes, Magnum TA, Nikita Koloff, the Garvins, etc. on the SuperStation. And when I got back into watching wrestling again around 1997, WCW was still the best promotion. They had a hot angle in the nWo, and killer wrestlers like Benoit, Guerrero, Jericho, Malenko, Raven, Saturn, and so forth. The top card had an unhealthy focus on ancient WWF stars like Hogan, Savage, Piper, etc., but you could count on great wrestling and decent storylines.
Somehow, though, things fell apart. WCW ran the nWo angle into the ground, and let all of their good wrestlers either escape (Jericho, Radicals) or get buried (Booker, Kidman, Smiley), while at the same time pushing more crap (various incarnations of the nWo, Hogan love-ins, The Wall, etc.) The good matches became more and more rare, and crackheaded angles and storylines became the norm.
My final straw was probably the release of the Radicals. WCW could have built the promotion around them, but that would have entailed guys like Hogan actually working for the betterment of the company, rather than the betterment of themselves.
Well, screw 'em. This guy's had enough. Y'wanna push Tank Abbott, a guy nobody cares about? Go ahead. Y'wanna try to make Hulkamania run wild again? Feel free. Want to bury the Cruiserweight belt, then put it on Prince Iaukea, instead of Lash LeRoux, Chavo Jr., or Psychosis? Fine. Y'wanna saddle Booker T with a meaningless, heat-killing angle, do nothing with Kanyon, push Dustin Rhodes and The Wall, not do anything with Norman Smiley, put a belt on Jim Duggan, retire Steve Regal? F*** yourselves, I don't care any more. The Hogan fans can have WCW for their little playground. And when WCW crashes and burns, they can sit and wonder what happened.
ECW - I advise you to try to pick up guys like Kanyon. The talent outflux from WCW could be just what you need to become the #2 promotion in the country.
Fellow wrestling fans - our hated enemy (McMahon) has become our only hope. The WWF is actually putting on decent matches and interesting storylines. I recommend checking them out.
And so, since my reports have been pretty crappy for the last few months, reflecting my dissatisfaction with WCW, this will be my last regularly-scheduled one for DDT Digest. I'll probably pop up every now and again doing sub duty, but WCW has finally killed this fan.
- Lots of buildup for that match, huh?
- We also see shots of Jarrett, The "Elite" Harrises, Hogan, Flair, TP, Nash, and Ralphus.
- Jarrett says that he doesn't care who wins, he's got his title shot at Uncensored.
- Jarrett guarantees a victory if he has to face Abbott at Uncensored.
- Tony hypes Abbott.
- Lenny and Lodi brush off Miss Hancock in the back.
- Hancock says it's time for her to teach them a lesson.
- Lenny and Lodi, er, "Lane and Idol" get the tag title shot.
- Lane and Idol with the early advantage.
- The ring seems to be mic'ed loud tonight.
- Johnny takes Lane down.
- Double sledge from the champs.
- Hancock walks down.
- She gets a headset.
- Yakuza kick / swinging neckbreaker combo from the champs.
- Johnny and Lane both try cross-bodyblocks, and both take the pain.
- Both men tag.
- Idol is a former-Flocker-a-fire.
- Idol with a sunset flip as Nitro Girls music hits.
- Hancock takes her hair down and starts to shake.
- Lane and Johnny take dollar bills out to stuff into Hancock's pants.
- Idol runs Vito into Disco, and covers him, but Nick Patrick is watching Hancock.
- Back in the ring, Vito hits the Impaler on Idol for the win.
- Vito wants them to cut the music.
- Vito asks Hancock to dance for the Paissons.
- She enters the ring, and dances with the champs.
- The Harrises enter the ring and deliver and H-Bomb to Johnny.
- Disco gets one too.
- Vito ends up with a final one.
- Does ANYONE care?
- The Harrises talk about title shots.
- Elite.
- I wonder if they bought the rights to "G-TV"?
- Liz goes to compare Buff and the TP with the "weights" motion with her hands, and indicates that Buff is a winner, then disses Buff.
- Flair, TP, and Liz see the tapes, and go looking for Buff.
- This is going to get worse before it gets better, isn't it?
- WCW must have heard that this is my last one, and are pulling out ALL the stops.
- Where's DJ Ran?
- We see scenes from Campus Clash at OSU.
- For my Triangle residents, they'll be at Duke next week.
- He looks like a spasmic old geezer.
- Hogan takes a while to challenge Flair to a strap match. Smell the ratings.
- Hogan gets booed when he calls himself the greatest wrestler of all time.
- Flair comes down with TP, Liz, and a Hogan weight belt.
- Some drunk girls jiggle at ringside.
- Shouldn't Alex Wright be in Team Package?
- Flair says Hulkamania is dead.
- TP talks smack to Sting.
- TP talks about Bagwell hitting on Liz.
- TP challenges Bagwell.
- Flair says he USED to be from Minnesota.
- As TP and Flair talk smack about Minnesota, Curt Hennig shows up wearing a University of Minnesota sweatshirt on.
- Hennig tells TP to get rid of his Curt Hennig haircut.
- Hennig challenges Flair.
- Hennig calls himself Minnesota's greatest athlete.
- Hennig tells Flair to show everyone his puppies.
- Hennig promises to streak naked down some road next Monday if he can't beat Flair in Minnesota.
- Booker blames Kidman for their loss against the Harrises last week, because Kidman was tending to Torrie.
- Booker says he didn't request the match, but he'll still take out Kidman.
- They talk about the missing KidCam.
- Madden says Tony is talking on his cell phone.
- Tony says Sting is going to be here, confirmed by his "inside sources."
- Booker has some new funk-type music.
- His opponent - Kidman, with Torrie Wilson.
- Booker jaws with Kidman in the corner, but breaks cleanly.
- Kidman eats a suplex from Booker.
- Back-elbow from Booker for two.
- Kidman with a victory roll for two, and a dropkick.
- Booker hits the Axe Kick.
- The Harrises hit the ring to beat on both men.
- The crowd realizes how much bullshit this is.
- Both men get an H-Bomb, and Torrie gets dumped to the floor when Kidman gets his.
- Morons.
- St. Stevie says that's what happens when you don't have someone to watch your back.
- Gene refers to Cassius as "The unnamed man". Um, he was named last week. Dipshit.
- Norman says he's had problems with injuries.
- Norman is disappointed with Dustin Rhodes.
- Norman says that Terry Funk inspired him to hold the hardcore title.
- Norman challenges Dustin tonight.
- Three Count is in the ring, dancing
- WCW Hardcore champ Brian Knobbs makes his way out.
- Knobbs has some plundah.
- Karagias challenges Knobbs to a handicap match for the Hardcore title.
- Knobbs accepts.
- Three Count gets taken out early by Knobbs.
- Knobbs continues to pound on all three men.
- Generic boring brawling.
- Knobbs sets up a table in the aisle, and powerbombs Evan through it.
- Shane and Shannon come back with a couple of can shots.
- Knobbs falls, and all three cover him for the title.
- Alrighty. Another worthless title.
- Knobbs says it's his own mistake.
- Knobbs wants a rematch.
- Finlay promises to make Three Count's lives a living hell.
- Finlay wants a six-man match.
- Finlay says they have a third man.
- Knobbs: "It's time to bring out the dog."
- Norman comes out in Vikings gear.
- Dustin makes his way down.
- Why does Dustin have a job?
- Madden loves calling Dustin "American Dream 2000".
- Dustin with the early advantage.
- Norman with a cross-body, the SMBU, and he dumps Dustin.
- Norman runs Dustin into the apron.
- Rhodes will meet Terry Funk at Uncensored, in case we didn't know how this match was going to turn out.
- Norman with the spinning bodyslam.
- Norman does the SMBU, and Dustin hits a lariat.
- Norman gets dumped, and hotshotted on the guardrail.
- Back in the ring, Dustin hits a top-rope clotheslien for the pin.
- Post match, Dustin beats on Norman with the Vikings helmet.
- Jarrett and his Ho Train come out.
- Jarrett sends the girls to the back to get some heel heat.
- Vampiro makes his way out.
- They trade a headlock takeover and headscissors about three times.
- Spin kick from Vampiro.
- Vampiro misses a corkscrew senton.
- Jarrett takes the advantage on the floor.
- Jarrett with a top-rope cross-body, but Vampiro rolls through for two.
- Vampiro goes for a Frankensteiner, but Jarrett powerbombs him.
- Vampiro escapes a monkey flip, but Jarrett clotheslines him.
- Jarrett locks on a sleeper.
- Vampiro locks on one of his own.
- Jarrett tries a backdrop suplex, Vampiro flips out, and Vampiro hits a Rock Bottom for two.
- Vampiro with a sunset flip for two.
- Jarrett takes out the leg.
- The Harrises rush the ring, but Jarrett takes them both out.
- Vampiro slams Jarrett on the belt, but the ref is out dealing with Sid and the Harrises.
- Jarrett wallops Vampiro with the belt, and covers.
- Nick Patrick only has two, but the bell rings.
- Patrick signals that it was only a two count.
- Vampiro with a backdrop suplex.
- Vampiro goes up top.
- Vampiro misses a guillotine legdrop.
- Jarrett hits the Stroke for the pin.
- Decent match.
- They give him $40 to deliver a package to the Harrises, from the Paissons.
- Riki Rat-Man gets mic time. Kill me now.
- Finlay promises to beat some respect into Vampiro.
- Daphne is in the ring, and she's not happy.
- Daphne has the crowbar.
- David kisses Daphne's feet.
- David and Daphne kiss and make up.
- Crowbar joins the broadcast booth.
- TAFKA Prince Iaukea and Paisley make their way out.
- TAFKA takes his time getting to the ring.
- TAFKA does his psyche-job, and David dances and slaps him.
- David ducks too soon for a backdrop, and eats a boot.
- David comes back with a clothesline, and punches in the corner.
- David dumps TAFKA.
- Daphne picks him up, and screams at him.
- Henry: if only WCW had wrestlers as dedicated to their performance in the ring as Daphney is to hers outta the ring.
- Back in the ring, TAFKA takes over.
- TAFKA with a Samoan drop.
- Crowbar pushes TAFKA off the top rope, but David only gets two.
- The women catfight on the floor.
- We, of course, miss the action in the ring, coming back to see TAFKA hit the second-rope DDT for the pin.
- See, he'll "sleep with the fishes."
- Sid runs out woozy, and says he'll still defend against Abbott.
- Kitty B. Badd makes his way out.
- Kitty grabs a stick.
- Kitty has a lampshade on his head.
- Kitty rolls the tape of he and James Brown dancing.
- Kitty dances a bit more.
- Maestro's music hits.
- Maestro and Symphony come out.
- Maestro's hair is all wacky.
- Kitty takes over quickly on Maestro.
- Kitty with a bodyslam and a dancing elbowdrop.
- Symphony starts up the James Brown music that Maestro has to listen to.
- Maestro goes crazy, grabs the boombox, and waffles Kitty with it for the pin!
- Flair makes his way down.
- Generic Rock Theme #74 brings out Curt Hennig.
- Hennig with the early advantage.
- Hennig with his kneescissors.
- Hennig works the knee.
- Flair goes to the eyes, and chops.
- Hennig reverses with chops of his own.
- Flair Flip.
- Brief brawl on the floor, and Flair goes up top.
- Of course, he comes off the hard way.
- Hennig with 10 punches in the corner, and the ref gets bumped.
- Hennig with the Hennigplex on Flair, but Nick Patrick is down.
- TP runs down to break the pin.
- TP quickly leaves.
- Hennig throws a chair into the ring, but Nick Patrick blocks it.
- Flair with a low blow, and he cradles Hennig for the pin.
- Flair whips Hennig with Hogan's belt.
- He does, however, speak English and model a stylish flannel shirt.
- TP makes his way down.
- His opponent - Buff Bagwell.
- TP opens up early.
- Buff with a pair of dropkicks.
- TP dumps Buff to the floor.
- TP has the advantage on the floor.
- TP chokes Buff with the camera cable.
- TP continues the advantage in the ring.
- Buff doesn't try to escape the hold, but does try to get the crowd going.
- Buff comes back with a swinging neckbreaker.
- TP eats a boot charging the corner, and Buff lands a Vader Bomb.
- Liz puts TP's foot on the ropes.
- Ric Flair runs down, but Buff takes him out.
- Buff takes out both men.
- Buff lands a double-arm DDT.
- Flair clips the leg, and the ref calls for the bell.
- Sting comes down, hides behind the ring, and then attacks TP with the bat.
- Tank makes his way out.
- Can I pull a knife on my boss and get promoted?
- Sid makes his way out, and the announcers stress that he's not 100%.
- Jim Neidhart Jr. waits in the ring.
- Sid's ribs are taped.
- Tank punches at the ribs, and applies a front-facelock.
- Sid is on the ropes, but Tank's not breaking the hold.
- The ref checks on Sid.
- Tank punches Sid over the top rope.
- Sid crawls back in the ring.
- Abbott with a takedown.
- Sid has no offense left.
- Tank stands on Sid's back and pulls his hair.
- Tank applies a Camel Clutch.
- Sid tries to fight back, but Tank forearms him in the back.
- Tank gets in Sid's face and hollers at him.
- Tank continues with the body blows.
- Tank talks smack to Sid.
- Sid Hulks up and applies a sleeper.
- Sid applies the Crippler Crossface in the middle of the ring.
- Sid loses the hold, but reapplies it, and Tank eventually taps out.
- I guess that choice was the lesser of the two evils.
- We see a replay of the Crossface, and Sid celebrates with the belt.
- And with that, we fade to black.....