WCW Thunder, 10/14/1999
WCW Thunder - Thursday, 10/14/1999
- Howdy everyone, once again. I am Big Mike, sitting in for Aldo, and welcome to the Thunder report.
- Well, for once, I'm not sure I have anything to rant about at the beginning of the column. Every single time I have done a report for Bill, it has included some reference to how Eric Bischoff is screwing up and screwing over WCW. Can't do that any more. They took my advice. As much as the guy did for WCW and as well as he took care of the wrestlers business-wise, his time had passed. Maybe now they can go in a new direction with Russo and Ferrara on board. Great decision. Good actors with bad writers produce bad shows. Taking all of the great talent away from the WWF and ECW worked for a while on sheer star power, but without good angles to put them in, they are nothing. This is where Vince McMahon succeeded (and has usually succeeded) and where Eric Bischoff failed. Bischoff had one good idea, the nWo. Granted, it was one of the best angles of all time, but it could not last forever, however hard they tried to make it last forever.The best thing about the Bischoff-less WCW: The return of the true Nature Boy. WHOOOOOOOOO!
- Now a little bit about the Heroes of Wrestling pay-per-view. I didn't watch it, but I read a few reports on the internet. All I have to say is: Jake Roberts, please get some help. You are destroying yourself, man. "The Snake" was one of my favorite wrestlers back in his WCCW days. I was about in 5th grade, and I thought the DDT was the coolest things. My buddies didn't though, because I always went around trying it on them. Anyway, it looks like Jake Roberts used up his last chance in wrestling, and buried that pay per view in the process. Hopefully, he realizes he doesn't have too many chances left overall in life.
- Could all of our dreams be coming true? Could Hulk Hogan really be leaving WCW? Tune in for our next episode of The Young and the Wrestlers.
- OK, enough filibustuh-ing. Now, with a cold Shiner Blonde beer in hand, on to the show, if you wheel............
- I am live from my hotel room in Florida tonight. At least the crappy cable they have has TBS.
- We are live from the Riverside Centroplex in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, in the heart of Cajun country, not too far from one of the best damn Cajun restaurants in America, Mulate's in Breaux Bridge, Louisiana
- "The Professor" Mike Tenay and "The Living Legend" Larry Zbysko and "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash(!) commentating.
- All right, looks like a good sign seeing Nash in the announcers' booth! Shoot night on Thunder maybe? Nash is wearing his Arizona Diamondbacks jersey.
- "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker
- I joined Thunder as Duggan and Parker were coming to the ring. I bet I didn't miss much in the opening.
- Old timers match. Could have been on the "Zeroes of Wrestling" PPV.
- You know, I didn't watch that PPV, but judging from the picture, I guessing one of the sickest moments had to be Jake Roberts making that fan rub his boobs.
- The Sargent attacks Duggan as he is leading the "USA" chant.
- Duggan comes back with some blows.
- GREAT technical match! (note sarcasm)
- They go out to the floor and the Hacksaw runs Parker into the railing.
- Oh goodness, Duggan "Hulks out" of the headlock by Parker.
- I don't know what to say. Duggan hits Parker. Parker hits Duggan. Duggan yells "USA!" and on and on.
- Powerslam by Duggan. He goes for the running clothesline, the Old Glory kneedrop and it's over. Duggan wins. Nash asks Tenay how many of these nicknames for holds he makes up on the fly. Nice.
- Al Greene vs. Lash Leroux
- I thought Al Green was skinnier and darker. Oh, wait, this is Al Greenee, not "the Reverend."
- Lash Leroux comes home!!!! HOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEE!!!
- Nash talks about Al Greene being his former tag team partner.
- Nash says Lash got voted by the fans as having the "sweetest sideburns in WCW."
- Lash goes up top, but Greene catches him with a powerslam. Two count.
- Two dropkicks by Lash. Fireman's carry into a Whiplash, a sort of Death Valley Driver. Lash wins at home!!! Lash wins! Cans in the crowd! Oh, I mean Lash wins!!
- Montage of the First Family-Harlem Heat situation. What? A tag team division in WCW? It is good to see Jimmy Hart more heavily involved in the ring. One of the greatest managers and one of the greatest talkers in wrestling.
- I think every commercial so far has been a video game commercial. And Vince McMahon still says wrestling is not aimed at kids.
- Replay of WCW Saturday Night. Good to see the pride of Pensacola, Florida, the Armstrongs back. Wow, storylines on Saturday Night!
- Tenay states that next Thursday on Thunder, it will be the Total "Don't Call me Flexy Lexy" Package vs. Buff Bagwell. Do we call him Mr. Package? Package comes to the ring with Miss Elizabeth. Damn, she looks good. Wow. Wow. Oh wait, the Package is on the mic, wearing a Yankees jersey. Package says he shouldn't have to come to a town like Baton Rouge since he's been in the business for thirteen years. Nash breaks in with "he's just so smarmy!" He just called himself Lex Luger. Whoops. After that, Package says it's the fans' fault that Luger is dead because the fans don't appreciate him even though he's held every major title. One of the kids in the crowd has his buddy in the Torture Rack. All I can say is "dumb ass". Luger says no one called him to wish him well when he tore the tendon in his arm. Here comes Buff Daddy to the ring! Buff conveniently has a mic in his pocket. Luger makes reference to it and says Buff is a big deal now, because he carries his own mic. Buff says he called Luger and that he thinks Luger forgot a few of his friends. Buff asks Luger about him and Sting. Here comes Steiner! Buff turns and Luger attacks Buff. Here comes "The Chairman of WCW" La Parka! What the f***???? La Parka chases the two out of the ring and we go to commercial! Nash says Luger is terrified of skeletons (Ha!).
- Not a bad interview at all I don't think, but what the hell was La Parka doing making the save? Hey Bill, you should be doing this report.
- Replay of the Kidman-Curt Hennig-Torrie Wilson-David Flair situation.
- Tenay says, "Speaking of talent, Kevin Nash, what about the women you and Scott Hall have been bringing to Nitro." Tenay's a goof.
- The First Family (Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus) w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Scott ("Ken Patera hair") and Steve Armstrong
- "Oh, you didn't know?" Oh wait, wrong Armstrongs.
- Knobbs comes in and attacks Steve Armstrong. Back and forth.
- Scott Armstrong and Morrus tag in.
- All four men are tagging in and out quickly. Not much happens, and then Knobbs and Steve Armstrong are back in. Steve gets tossed onto the floor where Morrus works him over.
- Back in the ring, Knobbs slingshots Morrus into Steve into the corner and Knobbs follows with a version of the Stinger splash. Scoop slam by Morrus. Morrus goes up top for the elbow, but comes up empty.
- Now Scott Armstrong gets the hot tag. Knobbs finally gets the advantage and the power slam. Morrus is up on the top rope. No Laughing Matter. It's over. The First Family wins.
- Knobbs calls out Harlem Heat with a few choice words that are bleeped out (I'm watching the replay). Here they come, and they chase the Family out of the ring.
- Nash: "It's Wesley Snipes! Oh wait, it's just Booker T."
- Stevie Ray calls Knobbs and the Laughing Man "doughnut-eatin' milk drinkin' fruit booties". Well, that's a new one. And we go to commercial
- Replay of Nitro and the Misterio-Saturn match.
- Nash says he has a video package for the fans. It's a replay of the Goldberg-Sid Vicious situation. Nash is doing a John Facenda-like NFL Films narration. I'm dyin' here. "Bill Goldberg - a bald-headed man with a tattoo - who only has one loss - to the great warrior - ..Kevin Nash - ..standing in the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field --- (Sid comes on) - ..Sid Vicious- .. 6 foot ten - ..290! - ..no - .315! -..no -.350! -.no FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY SEVEN POUNDS!" Oh man, this is priceless. And it goes on. This is great. Beyond words. At the end Tenay says, "shades of Mystery Science Theater." That was good.
- Horace Hogan vs. Brian Adams
- Adams, without the beard, actually looks a lot like Steve McMichael.
- What happened to the Demon?
- Boot to the face by Adams.
- Tenay says that Benoit and Malenko have gone to New Japan to wrestle for a little while.
- Nasty back breaker by Adams. Horace tries a backslide. Their going nowhere, but Horace back kicks Adams in the jewels. Nash calls it "the Old Glory mule kick" in reference to Duggan.
- Nash says he's going to put a package together on the Package next Thursday. Nice. He was talking about Luger though.
- Horace with a clothesline off the ropes.
- Adams comes back with the gorilla press slam. Another nasty back breaker by Adams.
- Now Horace comes back with a running neck breaker. Splash by Horace. Two count only.
- Adams comes out of nowhere with the piledriver. It's all over. Brian Adams wins.
- Montage of the Sting-Hulk Hogan situation.
- Scheme Gene is in the ring and calls out -- Lash Leroux!!!!!! Yes!!!!! Lash is wearing Mardi Gras beads. "AAAAAAIIIIIIII EEEEEE!!!" Lash talks about the Disco Inferno match at Halloween Havoc. Lash does a good job of inciting the Cajuns (a bad thing or a good thing?) with his references to hot sauce and home on the bayou and then goes into the Bourbon Street Blues dance. He says you'll be seein' a lot more of "the Cajun sensation that's sweepin' the nation!!" Nash says, "I think he's gonna get lucky tonight." I'm sayin' if you are Cajun or can play the accordion in Louisiana, you're probably gonna get lucky.
- Montage of the Berlyn-Brad Armstrong situation. Wow, I just can't get over how they are building up angles with the undercard guys. It sure is a good first step.
- They show a commercial for the WCW action figure. As we come back, Nash says, "what's with me doing a job in that commercial?" Nice.
- Prince Iaukea vs. Berlyn w/ his bodyguard
- Tenay states that a tag team matchup has been signed for later tonight. The Total Package-Rick Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell-La Parka. What???
- Nash says half the guys didn't show up tonight, so we had to book it earlier today. Awesome. Tenay is smiling and says, "Welcome to the all shoot edition of Thunder."
- Iaukea starts off on the offensive. Nice Thesz press.
- Now Berlyn comes pack with the back breaker.
- Nash says that the Saturday show is about to be awoken. Nash says he, Scott Hall, and one of their colleagues are in negotiations for one hour of the show with music, wrestling, guests, and it will be called "the Big Shiz-ow." Nice. Tenay asks when we can expect that. Nash says he doesn't know, he's trying to pitch it right now.
- Berlyn off the top, but he is caught with a left hand by the Prince.
- Iaukea with a powerslam as Nash does his best Joey Styles impersonation.
- The Prince goes up top, but Berlyn catches him with a powerslam. Two count and Berlyn pulls him up. Snap suplex, and again Berlyn pulls Iaukea up. Berlyn takes Iaukea over to the bodyguard who knocks Iaukea out with the gloved hand. Neckbreaker and it's all over. Berlyn is your winner.
- Highlights of Meng.
- Luther Biggs w/ "The Coach" or "the Artist formerly know as Glacier" Buzz Stern vs. Meng
- Oh no. The Coach. THE HORROR!
- Nash says you never see Meng and Barry White at the same time. Tenay says Meng was dominant in New Japan, which is where he's been.
- Meng goes immediately to the attack. Nash says the Meng is the real deal. He says when Meng was in the territory in Louisiana, he would go through 30 or 40 guys in a bar.
- No offense for Luther Biggs. Already, Biggs is in the Tongan Death Grip. 1-2-3, it's over.
- The Coach comes in the ring, and gets the Tongan Death Grip too.
- Nash says these guys should know no one gets beat after a sweet package (montage) like that before the match. All shoot-TV indeed.
- More video game commercials. Wow.
- Perry Saturn vs. Rey Misterio Jr.
- Rey is wearing his camouflage duds tonight. He still looks about twelve.
- Saturn is on the offensive early. Rey tries a moonsault off the ropes but is caught by Saturn.
- Rey gets back over and goes for the BroncoBuster - I mean the RoughRider.
- Saturn rolls out to the floor and gets a flying press by Misterio. Back in the ring, Misterio tries a springboard, but gets caught and hits two T-bone suplexes.
- Wristlock by Saturn. Nash and Zbysko are keeping the "Old Glory" theme. Nash said the BroncoBuster would have been the "Old Glory Skidmarks" had Duggan done it.
- Saturn comes back with a belly to belly release suplex.
- Misterio comes back with a kick to the head, but Saturn hits a dragon suplex. Rey Jr. comes out of nowhere with a rollup, but only a two count.
- Flying head scissors takeover by Misterio. Saturn comes up with a drop suplex, He goes up top. Rey catches him and goes for the top rope Frankensteiner, but Saturn catches him with and powerbombs him. Two count.
- Rey comes out of nowhere with a rollup. Two count. Now another rollup. 1-2-3!!! Rey Misterio wins. Now Saturn pulls a chain out and it attacking Misterio referee and Johnny Boone. Saturn goes up top for the elbow drop. He signals for the Rings of Saturn and applies it. Two officials come out to break it up.
- Promo for Halloween Havoc.
- The Total Package and Rick Steiner w/ Miss Elizabeth vs. Buff Bagwell and "The Chairman of WCW" La Parka (?!?)
- What is Liz, about 38 or 39? She still looks awesome.
- Buff runs to the ring and tries to get La Parka to follow him. This is weird.
- La Parka sets up the chair inside the ring. Now all four men are going at it outside of the ring. La Parka gets sent over the safety rail.
- They are still fighting outside, the bell has rung, and finally La Parka and Steiner get in the ring and go at it. Steiner attacks La Parka with the chair.
- Steiner with a Steinerline on La Parka. Buff is calling for the hot tag.
- Buff tries to come in and Package and Steiner double team La Parka.
- Nash says the best tag team of all time were the two girls last Thursday. Never mind.
- Luger is in and is domination La Parka, but La Parka gets a rollup, which Luger kicks out of.
- Drop kick by La Parka. Both men are down. Now both men get the tag. Bagwell is a house a-fire. He goes up for the Blockbuster, but La Parka comes in with the chair. He is in Buff's way, so Buff blockbusters La Parka and walks out looking disgusted. What? The heels attack La Parka as we fade to black.
- That was verrrry odd.
- Well, this would have been a bad show if not for Nash. He livened things up quite a bit. Maybe they put him in there because they knew as he said that only half of the guys showed up tonight. Matches sucked, but that's OK. It was enjoyable just to hear Nash go off all night.
- Well, adios everyone, I am Big Mike, and remember, as Robert Earl Keen says, "The road goes on forever, and the party never ends."