Heroes of Wrestling, 10/10/99
Heroes of Wrestling
Sunday, October 10, 1999
Tonight marks a new era in the history of DDT Digest. At least, I think
it does. For three years, this site has brought you WCW television and
house show reports.
But now, something a little different.
Heroes of Wrestling. A pay-per-view featuring a bunch of wrestlers and
managers who made their names in years gone by. In other words, a lot
of old dudes.
For the most part, this show features guys who were names in the 1980s.
But a few younger competitors are promised. Most became who they are in the WWF.
Being a slave to nostalgia, I'll throw in a few bits of trivia in this report.
After all, the Iron Sheik is bound to jog a few memories. I was a teen
during the 1980s WWF boom, so tonight should be a hoot.
One last note, before I start the meat of the report.
Gorilla, this one is for you. Rest in peace.
- The preshow starts.
- Your hosts are Randy something and Desperado Dutch Mantel. Hey, Dutch, how about responding to my e-mail?
- They go through the lineup, and then they show Jimmy Snuka with manager
Lou Albano. Albano goes on about Snuka's opponent, Cowboy Bob Orton. Orton
is shown, and he says he can beat Snuka at anything, including pool. I'm
not kidding. Anyway, doesn't Orton look great?
- They then show Snuka and Orton playing cards. The camera angle is
straight over the table, and you can't see what's going on as Orton and
Snuka start to fight. Apparently, Orton was cheating. Whatever.
- Orton factoid: He was the 1973 Pro Wrestling Illustrated Rookie of the Year,
tied with Tony Garea. Ah, Tony Garea.
- Randy Whatshisface and Mantel burble on and try to get whoever is
watching to order the pay-per-view. Jake Roberts and One Man Gang speak.
- Note to self: Randy Whatshisface has a Norm McDonald-style delivery.
- Get this: the announcers tease a sexual relationship between Sensuous
Sherri Martel and George the Animal Steele. They are shown leaving a darkened
room together as Sherri adjusts her dress.
- If that ain't enough to get you to order the show, what could be?
How about really old looking horsey Tully Blanchard? He's shoved into the
trunk of a car by Stan Lane, and then cuts an interview.
- The pre-show stuff goes on until the top of the clock. Well, almost.
For some reason, the pre-show wraps up with 2:30 left on the ticker.
- We go to ringside with Randy and Dutch. They throw to some dude in the
back who interviews King Kong Bundy. Yokozuna interrupts. For your information,
he's called the "former Yokozuna." The audio is all over the place. Then a promo
for the pay-per-view is shown.
- Wow. Whacko production values. Then we go into several seconds of black
before coming up on a graphic of Gorilla Monsoon.
- Now the opening montage rolls. I guess the pay-per-view is officially on.
We go back to ringside. Who the hell put this together?
- We are live and in colour in Casino Magic in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi.
Dutch and Randy go on and on. We finally see a graphic, showing Randy's surname
- Match One: Marty Jannetty & Tommy Rogers vs. The Samoan Swat Team
- Your Samoans are Samu and the dude who once rassled as The Tonga Kid.
- They call Tonga "Fatu." Right. That's not Fatu.
- Some dork in a tie comes out with the Samoans.
- The dork grabs the microphone. He talks and the 14 people in attendance bark at him.
- We're ten minutes in, and no wrestling. Welcome to Monday Night RAW.
- Rogers and Jannetty come out and they're in pretty good shape. The Samoans are way overweight.
- Old Michael Hayes Samoan Swat Team joke: "One's overweight and the other's Fatu."
- The rasslers play the crowd.
- Jannetty locks up with the overweight one, and is tossed into the corner.
- Jannetty gets the upper hand with some fists and armdrags. He dropkicks "Fatu" out of the ring.
- Jannetty and Rogers spend too much time pandering to the fans.
- Another armdrag. Rogers in. Double arm twist, double chop.
- The action is pretty slow.
- "Fatu" comes in, and the sheer size of his ass is astounding.
- Samoan Swat Team factoid: Yokozuna is their cousin. Thus the ass size.
- Yokozuna factoid: He's fat. Really fat.
- Samu gets back in and works over Jannetty. "Fatu" chokes him.
- It goes outside. Jannetty gets a chair to the back.
- The men brawl a bit. The action isn't bad, but it sure ain't great.
- "Fatu" misses a move off the top. Rogers dominates both Samoans.
- The Samoans absorb a double noggin knocker, but the good guys get the advantage.
- "Fatu" and Jannetty take it outside again, and Samu hits a variation of the diamond cutter on Rogers for the win.
- Promotional garbage
- They plug Scoops and the Heroes of Wrestling site.
- Then Steele and Martel are shown again.
- The fact these two may be shagging creates such an ugly image in my head, I open a bottle of Strongbow cider.
- Match Two: Greg Valentine vs. George Steele and his shag toy
- Valentine comes in and talks trash. He's still got it.
- Steele, who was old when the WWF was hot in the '80s, looks ready to drop dead.
- Sherri's dropped some weight. Hmmm... did she have a facelift?
- George gets to the ring and, well, nothing.
- Valentine scoots at the opening bell, and chases George's squeeze.
- Back in, the rasslers lock up. George bites Valentine's arm.
- George wants to eat the turnbuckle.
- This excites Sherri, who comes up behind him. The camera angle makes George look like he has hair on his head.
- Greg attacks George. He pulls George's shirt over his head and stomps him down.
- Sherri attacks the blinded George. The poor Animal.
- High drama. Yup.
- Valentine pounds Steele some more. Steele gets up and rips off the shirt. It's an ugly sight.
- George has an international object. He hits Valentine with it.
- George, unaware that it was Sherri who choked him, hands the object to Sherri.
- The Animal dominates Valentine, and then goes to munch on a turnbuckle.
- Sherri gives the object to Valentine. He hits Steele.
- Steele makes the comeback and Valentine rolls out.
- Sherri goes to the broadcast position and says something to Dutch Mantel.
- I think it was "$15 for a half-hour. $25 an hour." Something like that.
- Anyway, it ends not long after this, when Sherri hits George with a chair.
- Valentine covers for three.
- George goes bonkers, attacking Valentine and Martel and chasing them to the back.
- Not one goddamn wrestling move in that match.
- Big surprise.
- Match Three: Julio (Sanchez) Fantastico vs. 2 Cold Scorpio
- Two young guys. Hmmm... could this be a match?
- Captain Lou Albano limps to the ring in the style of Hulk Hogan.
- I go downstairs and get another Strongbow.
- The guys are a few minutes in, but trust me, I didn't miss anything.
- Julio plays the gyrating, pointing heel.
- 2 Cold with a cartwheel and a dropkick.
- Julio outside.
- Scorpio over the top onto Julio.
- Scorpio throws his opponent back in.
- 2 Cold with chops. So far, not a bad match.
- Julio tosses Scorpio to the apron and sends him to the floor.
- Julio tries a move, but Scorpio isn't ready.
- So Julio skins the cat, and then leaps over, missing Scorpio anyway.
- They take it into the crowd.
- The cameras lose sight of the rasslers.
- They do come back, and inside the ring, Julio puts down Scorpio with a low blow.
- Pumphandle slam into a pinfall attempt. Two.
- Elbowdrop. Two.
- Fantastico clotheslines Scorpio over the top.
- Julio slides out, Scorpio slides in.
- Scorpio slides out, Julio slides in.
- 2 Cold trips Fantastico, launches himself in the ring and goes for the pin.
- 2 Cold sets up for a top rope move, but Julio gets the advantage with a top rope diamond cutter.
- Scorpio recovers with a spinning toe kick, a slam and a second rope legdrop.
- Instead of going for the pin, he goes for a tumbleweed, and as you can see by the pic, he misses.
- But he gets the pin anyway.
- Sloppy match, but it'll be the best we'll see tonight.
- More talking
- In a move that means there are plans for more of these shows, Albano is named Heroes of Wrestling commissioner.
- Albano is so overcome with emotion that he weeps.
- I'm overcome with the idea that there's a promotion with more old dudes than WCW.
- Backstage -- where Bundy's back.
- He burbles about "Porkozuna."
- Hey Bundy. Had a look in the mirror lately?
- Match Four: Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff vs. Luke & Butch
- The Sheik and Volkoff come out with some dweeb I've never seen. They call him Nikita Borishnikov.
- The Sheik can barely crawl into the ring.
- A "USA" chant starts up. Heh.
- The Sheik does the old spitting routine after screaming about the US.
- Volkoff does the Russkie national anthem.
- And to complete the whole schtick, the Sheik does the old swinging-the-Iranian-clubs-to-show-how-strong-he-is routine.
- Hah!! Hilarious.
- The former Bushwhackers come out and lick the fans.
- It's an alarming display of biological warfare.
- Volkoff and the Sheik attack the Bushboys.
- Volkoff bites Luke. Or is it Butch? I never cared to learn who was whom. Or whom was who.
- Double sad-ass clothesline by the Bushies.
- Luke and Butch chant USA, and the fans eat it up.
- The Sheik grabs the house mic, and says if the fans don't stop chanting, he's going to Iran.
- The bad guys regroup, and Volkoff clubs Butch. Or is it Luke?
- Volkoff with the saddest stomps I've ever seen.
- Erik Watts, where are you when I need you?
- The heels taunt the Whacker on the apron, which distracts the ref and makes a double team possible.
- It's also a time-wasting ploy which is a futile attempt to hide the fact these guys can't do anything besides kick and punch.
- Volkoff with a soft backbreaker.
- The Sheik with a camel clutch on Butch. Or is it Luke?
- The other Whacker saves the day.
- Volkoff in. Low blow.
- All four men in. The heels get their noggins knocked.
- Volkoff and one of the Whackers get tossed into each other.
- The ref tries to restore order and the heels go to work.
- Volkoff accidentally hits the Sheik with an international object.
- Luke (or is it Butch?) covers the Sheik.
- Volkoff and the Sheik do another old spot. Sheik gets upset with Volkoff, they shove each other, but all is forgiven in the end.
- Okay... so none of these four guys can wrestle any more. No big surprise.
- More shilling
- Websites are plugged again.
- Tully Blanchard is shown again. He blurts out crapola about his past and Stan Lane.
- Match Five: Tully Blanchard vs. Stan Lane
- An old Horseman vs. and old Midnight Express member.
- Lane looks much different than he did in his heyday.
- Blanchard comes out with both hands in the air, displaying the Horsemen sign.
- Blanchard chases Lane out.
- Lane takes down Blanchard.
- Blanchard recovers and hits a decent elbow, hiptoss and dropkick.
- Holy crap! He's still pretty damn good!
- Lane gets the advantage outside and chokes Blanchard with a cord.
- They roll to the apron.
- Lane with an axehandle to the face.
- Lane with a good neckbreaker. Two.
- Blanchard ducks Lane. Kick. Good punch.
- Lane gets up, hits a double thrust to the throat, and locks on the cobra clutch/million dollar dream.
- Lane dumps Blanchard over the top rope.
- Punches to the back of the head. He leaps on Blanchard's back.
- A few bored women in the audience are shown, and the announcers try to convince us they're all mesmerized by the sex god that is Stan Lane.
- The veterans battle it outside the ring.
- Blanchard with a figure four on the floor.
- Lane goes to the eyes and gets out of the move.
- Both crawl into the ring.
- Blanchard with a sleeper.
- Lane breaks it. Blanchard locks it. Lane breaks it.
- Lane sets up for a piledriver, and is backdropped.
- Lane recovers. Belly-to-back supplex into a pinfall attempt.
- Blanchard rolls his shoulder up, and Lane pins himself.
- Bit of a lame ending, but a good match.
- Best effort put forth by any veterans so far tonight.
- Lane attacks Blanchard, and he leaves in disgust.
- More talking
- They go to the back with Bundy and Jim Neidhart.
- No audio.
- Oh, here it comes.
- Neidhart burbles about Jake Roberts.
- Bundy says something not at all noteworthy as I take a drink.
- Match Six: One Man Gang vs. Abdullah the Butcher
- OMG comes out first, and throws some chairs in the ring.
- Okay -- this will go like, six minutes, maximum.
- I've seen Abby live this year, and he just doesn't have any endurance anymore.
- Abby's a true legend, but he really should hang it up.
- A manager, who has the Eddy Creachman look, escorts Abby out.
- OMG attacks Abby as he enters the ring.
- OMG punches, kicks and chokes Abby for several minutes.
- OMG uses a chain and chair.
- Abby bleeds early. Standard for his matches.
- Abby gets a shot in. OMG outside. He blades.
- Abby with a fork. Lunchtime.
- Both men are juicing big.
- Abby throws the fork into the crowd.
- They show the guy who catches the fork, and we miss seeing the only wrestling move of the match: an Abby elbowdrop.
- The battle goes on outside the ring.
- Double disqualification.
- The rasslers brawl to the back.
- Match Seven: Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka (with Albano) vs. Cowboy Bob Orton
- I've seen Snuka live this year, too.
- He has nothing left. Just his name.
- Orton flashback: It's rumoured that he was blackballed from wrestling at one time. Anyone out there know why?
- Orton to the ring first.
- At one time, he was Roddy Piper's bodyguard. Piper called him "Ace." And Orton was a hell of a technical wrestler.
- He also wore a cast on his arm for months. It was a dandy foreign object in his salad days.
- Snuka to the ring.
- They lock up. Snuka gets the early advantage, and hits a bodyblock.
- He goes for the pin. Kickout. Small package. Kickout.
- Orton puts Snuka outside, and works him over as the Superfly tries to re-enter the ring.
- Orton supplexes Sunka back in.
- Snuka factoid: this is his first PPV wrestling appearance since WWF Survivor Series '96.
- Orton factoid: this is his first PPV wrestling appearance since UWF Beach Brawl in June '91.
- Orton goes to work on Snuka's back.
- Punch to the face by Ace.
- Dutch Mantel does the honest thing while announcing. He acknowledges the age of the competitors.
- Arm bar by Orton.
- He holds it for a looooooong time. Real old style rest hold supplemented with the occasional elbow to the shoulder.
- Knee to Snuka's arm.
- Hammerlock by Orton.
- "Bob is a faggot" chant starts up.
- Orton walks over to the side of the ring where the chanting fans are.
- This gives Snuka his opening.
- He tosses Orton around and punches him.
- They collide in centre ring. Orton lands on top of Snuka.
- Two count that looked a hell of a lot like three.
- Snuka gets up and climbs the ropes.
- Orton nails Snuka and sets up for a superplex.
- Albano hangs onto Snuka, and Orton falls on his back.
- Orton goes after Albano, somehow hurts himself on the turnbuckle, and that gives Snuka his chance.
- Superfly drop.
- Big surprise.
- More talking
- In the back, Jake Roberts goes on about casinos, gambling, cheating and his snake, Mitch.
- Oh, wait, the snake's name is Damien.
- Jake starts chanting DDT, and sounds a hell of a lot like a weird old man.
- Match Eight: Jake Roberts vs. Jim Neidhart
- Neidhart out first.
- Jake out with the snake. Neidhart does the obligatory complaining about the reptile.
- Jake walks back to the dressing room area sans snake.
- Jake comes back out. Er, what the hell was that about?
- Jake makes some woman rub his boobs.
- Uh, that's a side of Jake we've never seen.
- And I hope we never see it again.
- Neidhart leaves and taunts the crowd.
- Mantel says Jake once held the Intercontinental title. Huh?
- Neidhart in. Armlock. Jake flips him over.
- Lock up. Neidhart backs off when he realizes the snake is close.
- Lock up. Neidhart puts Jake in the corner and gives him a few forearms.
- Mantel mentions Gordon Solie. Wasn't he supposed to be calling this card?
- And wasn't Nick Bockwinkel supposed to be here, too?
- Whatever. Neidhart with an armbar. Yet another resthold.
- Jake out of the armbar, and he hits an elbow.
- Neidhart escapes a DDT attempt.
- The snake starts to crawl out of the bag, so Jake grabs it and wears it like, er, this...
- After a lot of stalling, King Kong Bundy comes out to distract Jake.
- Neidhart strikes with the speed of a sloth.
- Neidhart clamps on a chinlock.
- Welcome to the resthold derby.
- Headlock. Save me.
- Into the corner, Jake gets the advantage.
- He hammers Bundy.
- Bundy in. He hits Jake.
- Yokozuna and his large breasts waddle to the ring.
- I guess the Jake-Neidhart match is over.
- Oh, wait... it's not. They've now made this into a tag team match.
- Yoko clears the ring.
- Bundy and Neidhart talk strategy with a guy that looks like a mini Bundy.
- Neidhart goes after Jake, and he bites him in the head.
- Neidhart hits Jake with a chair.
- Neidhart doubles up the chairs and hits Jake again.
- Bundy nails Jake with the chair.
- I need a drink.
- I bet Jake does, too.
- Neidhart plants a knee on Jake's throat.
- Mini-Bundy chokes Jake.
- Throughout all of this, Yoko just watches Jake get beat up.
- Bundy drops a knee on Jake.
- Bundy & Jake factoid: Both were original members of the Legion of Doom.
- Neidhart beats Jake with his own footwear.
- Jake hits both opponents low.
- Yoko tagged in.
- He hammers both opponents.
- All four men in.
- Bundy splashes Jake.
- Is that it?
- Oh, Jake puts his snake on mini-Bundy.
- Do you suppose that Yoko's piss-poor shape is the reason why his singles match was cancelled?
- Match Nine: There is no Match Nine.
- They just fade out.
- No goodbye, nothing.
- Well, it was fun seeing all those old guys. But the quality of the
wrestling made this one of the worst pay-per-views I've ever seen from a
- Too many rest holds. Too many dead spots.
- Note to the dudes at Heroes of Wrestling: sign young wrestlers.
Stick a fork in this one. It's done.