WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, 06/28/99
WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, 06/28/99
Chicago, IL
- Welcome to another issue of the "Wade Was Way Too Slack To Do A Pre-Show Report" Nitro Report!
- We take a look back at last week.
- A black limo pulls up, and Flair gets out with David Flair and Bruce McArthur.
- David has dyed his hair blonde.
- McArthur offers to build a statue of David Flair 10x bigger than the one of Jordan.
- And we're LIVE from the United Center in Chicago, IL, for WCW Monday Nitro!
- Nitro Girls.
- Apparently, tonight we'll have Nash vs. David Flair.
- We'll also get the video premiere of "Rap is Crap." Yippy. Just what we need - MORE useless music videos.
- Match 1: Steve Regal and Fit Finlay (w/David Taylor) vs. Perry Saturn and Chris Benoit
- YES! Regal!
- Taylor's carrying the British flag for the team.
- Regal's got his frilly robe back, and is hamming it up.
- Their opponents: Perry Saturn and Chris Benoit!
- Wow! This should rule!
- Unfortunately, they spoil it by talking about a dance contest tonight between Disco Inferno and Kitty B. Badd.
- Regal draws some anti-American heat to start.
- The announcers bring up the Finlay/Benoit/Booker TV title feud from last year.
- Finlay works Benoit's arm to start.
- Benoit with the double-arm clothesline.
- Benoit grinds down with a headlock.
- Commercial.
- As we come back, Finlay is hitting his forward-roll slam on Saturn.
- Saturn gets sent to the floor, where Taylor chokes him with the flag.
- Taylor is wearing a WCW T-shirt.
- Finlay with a running lariat for two.
- Finlay with a fireman-carry hotshot.
- Regal tags in for his first ring action in WCW in a while.
- Regal pushes his bicep up.
- European uppercuts from Regal.
- Regal works the arm.
- Regal avoids getting whipped into the corner, but turns around into a belly-to-belly suplex.
- Finlay tags in with a big bodyslam.
- Finlay slaps on a sleeper.
- Saturn reverses.
- Regal gets Benoit to distract the ref, and breaks the hold with the flagpole.
- Both teams tag.
- Benoit with a big back-elbow on Regal.
- Benoit with chops for everyone, and the double-arm clothesline.
- Snap-suplex on Regal, and the thumb goes across the throat.
- Benoit connects with the swan dive!
- Finlay makes the save.
- Regal applies the Regal Stretch to Saturn, but Benoit breaks up the hold.
- It's a big train wreck, and Saturn hits the DVD on Regal for the pin!
- DJ Trite wants to know where the rowdiest section of the building is.
- Flair and Piper talk in the locker room.
- Charles Robinson is in the house!
- Van Hemorrhoid is talking about wanting a title shot.
- Piper offers Hemorrhoid a shot at "Steiner" at Bash.
- A commercial showing Bam Bam Bigelow beating up his T-shirt.
- Mean Gene is in the ring
- Gene goes back to where Charles Robinson got injured by Savage.
- Gene calls out Arn, Piper, Ric, Robinson, and Asya.
- Apparently, it was Rick Steiner who's going to be facing Van Hammer at the Bash.
- Everyone's there except Piper.
- Flair makes cheap heat sports references about the Blackhawks and the Bulls.
- Flair blows a chance to work a "Fat Boy" reference in.
- Flair calls out Piper.
- From the "If You Believe The Newsboards" department, Randy Savage is allegedly refusing to work the Old vs. Young angle because he doesn't want to be lumped into the "old" category. Pardon me while I spew beverage out my nose.
- Piper starts with the positive cheap heat references, but turns 'em heel.
- Piper delivers a reality check to Howard Stern, for apparently dissing Piper. Dear God, please no Stern vs. Piper match.
- Piper talks about a young man with morals and respect, and they're going to put him against Kevin Nash tonight. It'll also be a lumberjack match.
- Flair says that the political structure of the company will not allow him to be champion again, but tonight, his son Big Bad Dave will take out Nash.
- Flair praises Savage.
- Flair offers to apologize to Savage, and make him a deal.
- "What's gonna suck, Mach?"
- The Rogaine Ho Train leads out Savage and Vicious.
- Flair praises Savage, and wants Savage and Sid to become lumberjacks.
- Flair offers to reinstate the elbowdrop if Savage joins up.
- Robinson doesn't like that. He said he had a chest tube for two weeks for Flair.
- Savage with a rambling interview that goes nowhere. Big surprise.
- Savage accepts the deal.
- Arn and Sid shake hands before we go to commercial!
- In the back, Lodi is showing Lenny Lane how to apply nail polish
- Lane: "What is WCW going to do when they find out about us?"
- Lodi: "We're not the only ones in the company."
- Lane: "Well, WCW is pretty open-minded."
- Lodi: "You got me, and I got you babe."
- Match 2: Lodi (w/Lenny Lane) vs. Eddy Guerrero
- Lodi signs: "Lodi is back on Nitro", "Lenny is cool", "Do you like my shorts?" "Lodi rulz"
- We look back at the ambiguously gay duo from last week.
- Eddy!
- Eddy shall deliver a righteous shitkicking to this angle.
- Lodi gets a small bit of offense in, and Eddy sends him into the ref.
- Len runs in, and they doubleteam Eddy.
- Eddy grabs Lodi's hand, missile dropkicks Lane, and armdrags Lodi.
- Eddy brainbusters Lodi.
- Lane runs in, and tries to stop the Frog Splash.
- Lane covers Lodi in a "69" position to protect him.
- Eddy delivers the Frog Splash to both men, and pins Lodi.
- In the back, Torrie Wilson and David Flair are talking over the match
- Piper says they need more lumberjacks. They need three more.
- They get the Jersey Boys.
- DJ Ran is still up in my area. I tried a hot shower, but it didn't help.
- I swear this guy is such a parody of every bad DJ phrase I've ever heard.
- We get the return of the "WCW On The Road" report with Jimmy Barron.
- Nitro Girls.
- Match 3: Hak (w/Chastity) vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
- Hak comes out.
- I wonder how he'll deal with the banned hardcore matches? I wonder what Vampiro is doing right now?
- Hak gets on the stick.
- Hak asks if anyone wants to see him get me extreme?
- Hak says there's a nut in the building who doesn't like his kind of matches.
- Hak calls Flair out.
- The crowd boos as Flair no-shows.
- Bam Bam Bigelow comes out.
- Hak needs a throat lozenge.
- Bigelow attacks as Hak poses to the crowd.
- Bigelow with an avalanche into the corner.
- Bigelow eats boot on a corner charge, and Hak hits a clothesline.
- Hak tries a plancha on Bigelow, but he gets caught and driven into the ringpost.
- Bigelow stalks after Chastity.
- Headbutt from Bigelow back in the ring.
- Bigelow continues to dish out the punishment.
- Bigelow with a big boot.
- Bigelow goes up top, but Hak avoids the diving headbutt.
- Hak goes up top, but misses a somersault senton.
- Bigelow ducks for a backdrop, but Hak plants him with a NICE DDT.
- The rest of the Jersey Boys run out.
- Hak nails Page and Kanyon with the kendo stick.
- Hak lands the stick-assisted Russian Legsweep on Bigelow!
- Page runs in and delivers a Diamond Cutter.
- Bigelow covers for the win.
- Big Bookerman comes out for an interview
- Nash cranks up the cheap heat machine.
- Nash talks about being an "outsider."
- Nash talks about Scott Hall sitting at home in Orlando.
- Nash wants a stipulation for tonight: Nash puts up the belt, Dave puts up Torrie for 72 hours.
- Wow! Torrie IS the one driving the hummer!
- Nash: "After 72 hours with Big Sexy, [Torrie] will be ruined."
- DJ "Oh look! Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman on Nitro"
- Match 4: Stevie Ray, Vincent, Horace Hogan, and Brian Adams vs. Curt Hennig, Barry Windham, Kendall Windham, and Bobby Duncum Jr.
- nWo music brings out the entire B-Team, minus Scott Norton.
- Stevie works in a "Fruit Booty" to placate the DDT Digest staff.
- "I Hate Rap" brings out Hennig, Duncum, and the Windhams.
- Hennig doesn't have that bad of a singing voice.
- Barry slaps Adams, but Adams has none of it.
- Adams lands a dropkick.
- Barry with a hiptoss and armdrag.
- Barry DDT's Adams.
- Adams comes back with a press, but Barry rolls Adams up for two.
- Hennig and Stevie tag in.
- Stevie shoulderblocks Hennig down.
- Stevie beats Hennig down in the corner.
- Stevie eats boot on a corner charge, but recovers to slam Hennig.
- Kendall tags in, and gets clotheslined.
- Vincent gets the tag.
- Vincent with a Japanese armdrag and fistdrop.
- Kendall with a swinging neckbreaker to Vincent. Duncum tags in.
- Horace is in now.
- Horace with a lariat for two.
- Horace gets caught in the country corner.
- Hennig with the big kneelift.
- Barry tags in with the flying lariat. Adams makes the save.
- Kendall with a back-elbow and kneedrop.
- Duncum in now.
- Duncum with quick offense.
- Duncum with a weak Big Boot.
- Adams trips Duncum, allowing Horace to land a backdrop suplex.
- Vincent in.
- Vincent with a swinging neckbreaker.
- All eight men are in.
- Vincent gets doubleteamed by Duncum and Kendall, and they land a double bulldog on Vincent for the win.
- Dance Contest: Earnest Miller (w/Sonny Oono) vs. Disco Inferno
- Kitty comes out first.
- The Nitro Girls will be judging the dance contest.
- Disco makes his way out next.
- Nick Patrick is the ref.
- Actually, the audience will determine the winner.
- Kitty talks smack to the crowd.
- Kitty says he beat up Jerry Flynn, too.
- Kitty puts on his ruby slippers.
- Kitty cuts a mean rug.
- Disco starts dancing to a big pop.
- Kitty, of course, attacks from behind.
- Actually, we've started a match now.
- Match 5: Earnest Miller (w/Sonny Oono) vs. Disco Inferno
- Disco is getting his rear handed to him.
- Disco with an inverted atomic drop and a diving clothesline.
- Disco slams Kitty, and hops up to the second turnbuckle.
- Disco dances, and hits the diving forearm.
- Kitty comes back.
- Kitty lands the Road Dogg chop.
- Kitty throws Disco to the floor, where Oono gets his kicks in.
- Kitty maintains the advantage.
- Disco avoids a corner charge.
- Disco with a back-elbow.
- Kitty shoves out of the Chartbuster.
- Disco bounces off the ropes, hits a kick to the gut, and lands the Chartbuster.
- Disco takes his time making a cover, allowing Oono to run in.
- Disco moves, and Oono kicks Kitty.
- Disco takes care of Oono.
- Kitty rolls Disco up for two.
- Oono gives Kitty the Ruby Slipper of Death.
- Kitty lays Disco out with a kick.
- Kitty covers, but Jerry Flynn runs out and chases Oono into the ring, breaking the count.
- Nick Patrick calls for the bell.
- Flynn knocks Kitty out of the ring with a kick.
- Flynn challenges Kitty to a kickboxing match next Monday.
- Match 6: Buff Bagwell and Dean Malenko vs. WCW World Tag Team Champions The Jersey Boys
- Malenko and Bagwell come down.
- Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, and Charles Robinson are at the broadcast booth.
- Arn will be the ref tonight, instead of Robinson.
- Arn says it's because of the Nash/nWo parody of his retirement speech.
- The Jersey Boys make their way down.
- It'll nominally be Page and Kanyon defending the belts.
- Malenko with a series of quick rollups on Page, each for two.
- Page collapses in his corner for a breather.
- Buff tags in.
- Kanyon with a shoulderblock on Buff, and mocks Buff's dancing.
- Buff with a huge dropkick, followed by a swinging neckbreaker.
- Kanyon tags Page on his way over for a sunset flip by Malenko, and then holds onto Malenko so Page can attack.
- Bam Bam Bigelow comes in.
- The heels beat Malenko down.
- Kanyon levels Malenko back in the ring for two.
- Kanyon goes up to the second turnbuckle, and drops a leg. Malenko gets a foot on the ropes.
- Page in with a tilt-a-whirl slam.
- Malenko is getting beaten like a rag doll.
- Page catapults Malenko's throat under the bottom rope.
- Commercial.
- As we come back, Page is hitting a flying clothesline on Malenko.
- Malenko escapes another tilt-a-whirl slam.
- Bagwell and Kanyon tag in.
- Bagwell's a tuff-a-fire.
- Kanyon and Page get whipped into each other.
- Bigelow blocks a Blockbuster on Kanyon.
- Kanyon covers for two.
- Bigelow tags in.
- Bagwell takes more punishment.
- Kanyon in now.
- Kanyon suplexes Bagwell.
- Kanyon slingshots in with an elbowdrop.
- Kanyon with a Russian Legsweep, followed by a Page elbowdrop.
- Bagwell tries to escape a front-chancery, but Kanyon stops him.
- Page superplexes Bagwell, but Kanyon misses a top-rope splash.
- The heels block the tag.
- Buff blocks a sunset flip.
- Malenko tags in!
- Page breaks up a Malenko pin, and bumps the ref.
- Buff hits the Blockbuster on Kanyon, but the ref is out.
- Malenko goes for the Cloverleaf, and slaps it on Kanyon.
- Bigelow comes in, and he and Page deliver the doubleteam Diamond Cutter.
- The ref wakes up and counts the three.
- We look at the filming of "I Hate Rap"
- Featuring Barry Windham on drums, Bobby Duncum on lead guitar, Kendall Windham on bass, and Curt Hennig on lead vocals.
- "I Hate Rap" has actual lyrics now that I won't dignify by reprinting.
- Match 7: Scott Putski vs. Sid Vicious (w/Randy Savage and Ho Train)
- Why is Scott Putski on in Hour Number Three?
- His opponent - Sid Vicious.
- Bye bye Putski.
- I go grey waiting for Vicious to get to the ring.
- Sid finally gets into the ring, and talks smack to Putski.
- The ho's surround the ring.
- I'd rather be watching paint dry than this boring crap.
- Sid FINALLY attacks.
- Sid beats the tar out of Putski.
- Putski gets whipped into the ropes, and planted with a chokeslam.
- A powerbomb ends it.
- Savage and Sid rant to Nash a bit more, and Savage drops a weak Big Elbow on Putski.
- Nitro Girls.
- Nash and David Flair walk through the back of the arena to the ring.
- Match 8: David Flair (w/Torrie Wilson) vs. WCW World Heavyweight Champion Kevin Nash
- Dave has a Ric Flair robe. Torrie has a hot body.
- Special referee Arn Anderson enters the ring.
- The lumberjacks: Savage, Sid, Piper, Ho's, Ric Flair, Kanyon, Page, and Bigelow.
- Arn promises that everyone gets what's coming to them tonight.
- Dave has some funky, shiny, black-and-red shorts.
- Nash makes his way out solo.
- Time for Nash to book himself over 15 lumberjacks!
- Nash throws the belt at Arn's feet.
- The lumberjacks all rush Nash at the bell. David Flair drops to the floor.
- Savage has a chain wrapped around his fist, and he punches Nash.
- Arn thinks he has something in his eyes, so he can't see what's going on in the ring.
- David Flair runs in and applies a Figure Four to Nash.
- Arn slowly counts. Nash sits up at two.
- Nash starts handing David's ass to him on a platter.
- Nash with the measured elbows in the corner and a side suplex.
- Nash with a big boot.
- Arn tries to attack Nash, but Nash fights him off.
- Nash clears the ring of all the lumberjacks by himself.
- David comes in with the tazer, but Nash grabs it from him and zaps everyone in the ring.
- Nash throws George over his shoulder. Torrie happily walks out with Nash.
- Nash holds everyone at bay with the Tazer, and walks to the back.
- We follow Nash to the back with the patented "Gorgeous George butt-cam."
- Nash puts the girls in his limo. There's the black hummer parked in the same area.
- In the side mirror, we can see someone with Sting face paint.
- Nash gets in the limo and drives away as the heels give chase.
- With that, we fade to black....
- I wonder where Master Hoot and the No Limit Owls were tonight?
- Hootie Hoo! See you next week!