WCW Monday Nitro - Monday, 06/21/99

Longtime readers may know that I'm a huge fan of Brad Armstrong, the God of All That Is Unpushed. Readers from last week also probably noticed my smack-talking about Master P's "No Limits/Talent Soldiers."

I'll give you one guess who I found out this week was in the No Limits Soldiers. (Hint: The name rhymes with "Brad Armstrong").

Some weeks, it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. :-)

• "We're in the shank of the evening, ladies and gentlemen, and it's time to get aboard the HOOOOOOO train."
• "Goldberg and Hogan are brawling in the ring! Wait, here comes the 5.0 to restore some order!"

• Oh, I fought the tuna and the...tuna won. I fought the tuna and the...tuna won.

• A limo is pulling up right behind them, and Nash gets out.
• The hummer takes off before Nash can catch it.

• They say "Hootie Hoo" and "Rowdy Rowdy" a lot.
• They do a rap performance at the entranceway.
• WCW is "bout it bout it and rowdy rowdy."
• P pumps up the crowd.
• P gives more "props" to the crowd, and leaves.

• They ponder about who's driving the hummer.
• A look back at Konnan/Mini-Me vs. Hennig/Duncum from the GAB.

• Lodi comes up to give Lenny some words of encouragement.
• Lodi says Lenny has a big match tonight, against Meng. But Lodi thinks Lenny can beat him.
• Lenny talks about being able to last a long time, and having great stamina.
• Lodi starts giving Lenny a shoulder rub. Lenny likes the way Lodi uses his thumbs.
  
• Oh my God. WCW's answer to Too Much.
• This brings up the eternal question of "Which is worse": Getting involved in a horrible, doomed, embarassing, suck angle, or job duty?

• Yes! Psychosis!
• His opponent - Kidman!
• This should rule!
• Psychosis starts off with a big shoulderblock, and a sliding dropkick.
• Kidman comes back with flying headscissors, and a Riggs-quality dropkick.
• Kidman clotheslines Psychosis over the top.
• Kidman with a HUGE springboard plancha to the outside.
• Kidman comes back in with a slingshot legdrop.
• Kidman goes for a superplex, but Psychosis turns it into a top-rope split-legged Gourdbuster for two.
• Kidman with his rope-bounce clothesline.
• Kidman charges out of the corner, but gets met with a left-handed lariat.
• Kidman gets whipped into the guardrail, right in front of a guy with a big white afro wig.
• Psychosis dropkicks Kidman off the apron, then hits a split-legged moonsault onto Kidman on the outside.
• Psychosis comes off the top, but Kidman dropkicks him in the gut on the way down.
• Kidman flips out of a backdrop suplex, and hits the Rydeen Bomb for two.
• Psychosis avoids a corner charge, and puts Kidman up top.
• Psychosis with a SuperFrankensteiner for two.
• Psychosis comes off the top with a spinwheel kick for two.
• Psychosis tries to powerbomb Kidman, with the usual results. You'd think someone would send around a memo in the locker room or something.
• Sign: "Scott Hall Drank My Beer."
• Kidman pulls Psychosis into position, and goes up top.
• Psychosis rolls out of position, so Kidman jumps down.
• Savage and the Ho Train come out to run our only hopes for a good match.
• Sid chokeslams Kidman, and kicks Psychosis down.
• Sid still gets a big reaction from the crowd.
• Sid powerbombs Psychosis, but Sting runs down to chase the old guys from the ring.
• Sting helps Kidman to his feet.
• Kevin Nash makes his way down.
• Sting does the Scott Hall point at Nash.
• Nash has a question for Sting.
• Nash wonders why Sting didn't attack Savage & Co.
• Nash wonders why Sting got out of a black hummer last week to attack Rick Steiner.
• Sting says he was not driving the hummer.
• Nash says he wasn't accusing Sting, but if it turns out it was Sting, he's going to have to deal with Nash.
• Nash calls Sting "Franchise Boy."

• Piper suggests Sting vs. Sid tonight on Nitro.
• They suggested something else, but I was downstairs getting a drink.

• Lenny Lane comes down, oiled up.
• His opponent - the Munster Meng.
• Where'd Meng's Big Pants go?
• Meng has a poodle pelt on his head.
  
• They lock up.
• The crowd chants homosexual innuendo at Lane.
• Lane with a side headlock.
• Meng just tosses him away.
• Lane's slaps have no effect.
• Lane also makes the mistake of trying to headbutt Meng.
• Lodi comes down with some signs.
• Lane is getting his ass handed to him.
• Meng eats some boot, but it doesn't faze him.
• Lane goes up top, but Meng catches him up top with the Tongan Death Grip.
• Meng flips Lane off the top, still applying the hold, and pins him.
• After Meng leaves, Lodi comes in to tend to Lane.
• Lane falls out of the ring. Lodi helps him to the back.

• Hootie Hoo.
• Brad Armstrong is in the ring in his camo.
• It's P's little brother's birthday, apparently.
• This is so very, very sad.
  
• P wants someone to sing happy birthday.
• A guy in an afro gets into the ring.
• The guy sings happy birthday, in one of the most surreal moments of my life.
• Curt Hennig comes down the asile with a Dallas Stars Stanley Cup champs shirt on.
• Hennig has a present. He says he comes in peace.
• P tells the NLS to let Hennig through.
• Hennig apolgizes to P.
• Hennig has his twang in full gear.
• P wants Hennig to open the present.
• It's a cowboy hat.
• Seth gets on the mic, and says he always wanted to be a cowboy.
• Seth drops the hat and stomps on it.
• Hennig gets a cake to the face.
• 10-on-1, the NLS are pretty tough!
• Hennig slowly walks to the back as P says, if you can believe it, "Hootie Hoo."
• Watching Brad Armstrong going Hootie Hoo is painful.
  
• Hal writes: "OK, so WCW brings in Master P. Cool, I'm a No Limit fan. But this nonsense? throwing a b'day party for Sillk the Shocker? Come on! I think I heard the clicking of thousands of remotes changing over to RAW..."

• Woah! Juvi! I thought he was dead!
• Juvi Hoo!!!
• Juvi almost trips on the ramp again.
• His opponent - EDDY!!!!
• Oh hell yeah!
• Eddy looks to be in good shape.
• Eddy appears to be back in slimy heel mode.
• Juvi hugs Eddy.
• Eddy just glares at him.
• Eddy is asking Juvi where his LWO shirt is.
• Eddy slaps Juvi in the face!
• Wow! They remembered the plot!
• Eddy on the attack.
• Eddy SNAPS off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and yells at Juvi.
• Juvi hotshots Eddy into the turnbuckles.
• Juvi flips out of a tilt-a-whirl, and does the Kidman Reversal of a powerbomb.
• Juvi with a hurricanrana for two, and then he slaps Eddy in the face.
• Eddy dropkicks Juvi in the knee.
• Backdrop suplex from Eddy.
• Eddy tosses Juvi to the floor.
• Juvi gets introduced to the guardrail.
• Eddy's chest is beet red.
• Eddy locks on a sleeper as we go to commercial.
• As we come back, Eddy has Juvi in an abdominal stretch.
• Eddy drives elbows into Juvi's ribs.
• Eddy slams Juvi.
• Eddy misses the slingshot senton, and Juvi hits a sunset flip for two.
• Juvi with a type of lariat.
• Eddy goes to the leg.
• Eddy brainbusters Juvi.
• Eddy reapplies the sleeper.
• Juvi with a backdrop suplex.
• Later tonight: The Jersey Boyz defend the tag belts against Gonnad and Mini-Mi.
• Eddy with a small package, followed by a lariat.
• Juvi bulldogs Eddy.
• Juvi lands headscissors.
• Eddy goes to the eyes.
• Juvi goes up top, and hits a missile dropkick.
• Air Juvi to the floor!
• Juvi with a springboard spinwheel, and signals for the JuviDriver.
• Eddy flips out, and applies a type of airplane-spin neckbreaker!
  
• Eddy goes up top, and nails the Frog Splash for the win!
• Good to see Eddy back!

• Prince Nackamackie!
• His opponent - Kitty B. Badd.
• Choosing who to root for in this match is like choosing between hemmorhoids or nail fungus.
• Kitty does a little dance with his Magic Ruby Slippers of Death.
• Kitty does his normal little "insult the rednecks" routine.
• Sign: "I called The Cat's momma," with some funny artwork.
• Kitty does his five-seconds thing.
• Iaukea attacks at the bell.
• Iaukea lands a dropkick, and Kitty hits the floor.
• Kitty takes control again.
• Basic boring brawling on the floor.
• Kitty drops the James Brown Chop.
• Prince lands an enzuigiri.
• Prince with a type of Samoan Drop for two.
• Oono puts the Ruby Slippers in the ring, and Kitty levels Iaukea with a kick for the pin.
• Did I really need to see that on my TV?

• Kanyon has a tag belt with him.
• Kanyon asks the Question in cajun.
• He'll be facing Booker T!
• Booker T comes out for his second return match in the past week.
• Kanyon mocks raising the roof.
• Booker slaps Kanyon.
• Booker with an armdrag.
• Booker with a hiptoss.
• Kanyon: "Nobody's better than Kanyon."
• Kanyon with a shoulderblock. Booker nails a HUGE dropkick! Only gets two.
• Booker with the flying forearm, and clotheslines Kanyon to the floor.
• Commercial.
• As we come back, Kanyon is on the floor, getting chased by Booker.
• Booker with an avalanche clothesline.
• Kanyon ducks a side kick, but blows a spot.
• Kanyon recovers with a neckbreaker.
• Kanyon drops a guillotine legdrop.
• Kanyon applies an inverted Boston crab.
• Booker powers out into a pinning position for two.
• Kanyon takes the advantage on the outside.
• Booker regains the advantage.
• Kanyon, back in the ring, applies a surfboard.
• Kanyon lands a side suplex.
• Kanyon suplexes Booker.
• Kanyon with a slingshot elbowdrop for two.
• Kanyon keeps the advantage.
• Booker starts a comeback, and escapes.
• Booker with a Harlem Sidekick in the corner.
• Booker with another side kick.
• I think we're going into the normal Booker T finisher sequence.
• Pancake, breakdance, spin kick, and Booker goes up top.
• The Boyz hit the ring, and take out Booker.
• Kanyon hits the Flatliner.
• They do the doubleteam Diamond Cutter on the belt.

• They're accompanied by Asya and Double A.
• Flair is wearing his wrestling outfit.
• Piper, though a heel, still pulls out his cheap heat sports reference.
• Actually, he talks smack about them.
• Arn looks thrilled to be there.
• Piper talks about the whiners.
• Piper makes a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" reference.
• Piper calls Bagwell a liar for saying he beat Flair.
• Flair calls Bagwell a punk looking for a handout.
• Flair says he almost died on top of Bagwell's girlfriend last night.
• Bagwell hits the ring to attack Flair, but Piper gets the advantage.
• Flair pulls his robe off, and beats up Bagwell.
• Flair says that Bagwell has Flair and Piper in a handicap match, and says we have a match.

• Flair wants to hear the noise Buff's girlfriend made last night as he beats on Bagwell.
• Bagwell starts a comeback, and no-sells some chops.
• Piper comes in to stop the comeback.
• Buff backdrops Flair.
• Flair tosses Buff to the floor, and Buff nails Arn.
• Buff with a sunset flip.
• Buff fights off all three men, and poses.
• Buff goes for a Figure Four, but Piper comes in to punch him.
• Piper tags in.
• Buff no-sells an atomic drop, and hits one of his own!
• Inverted one from Buff!
• Piper with an earclap.
• Piper locks on the sleeper to no crowd reaction.
• If Piper were a face, Buff would be dead now.
• Buff Hulks out of the sleeper, and hits a low blow.
• Flair goes up top, and comes off the hard way.
• Buff with running clotheslines.
• Flair avoids a dropkick.
• Flair goes for the figure four, but Buff rolls him up for two.
• Flair Flip.
• Flair hits a low blow of his own.
• Piper tags in.
• Piper takes control.
• Dean Malenko hits the ring, but Mickey Jay stops him.
• Mickey Jay allows Malenko to stay on the apron.
• Flair mocks Buff's posing.
• Flair and Buff go toe-to-toe.
• Buff lariats Flair.
• Buff's in the wrong corner, and gets over to Malenko to make the tag!
• Malenko's a Vanilla Midget-a-fire!
• Malenko with a forearm, and goes for the Cloverleaf, but Malenko is distracted by Piper.
• Arn tries to interfere, but Malenko puts the Cloverleaf on him!
• Bagwell comes off the top with the Blockbuster on Flair!
• Piper gets some knucks, and nails Bagwell with them.
• Piper rolls Flair onto Bagwell.
• The ref notices Flair on top of Bagwell, and counts the pin, even though Malenko and Flair were the legal men.

• Dan: Sid Vicious vs. Sting? A friggin' harkback to the rock stars of yesteryear??
• Michael Buffer does the deed.
• Sid comes out to no music.
• His opponent - Sting.
• I wonder what kind of screwjob we'll get tonight?
• They stall to start.
• Sting avoids Sid in the corner.
• Savage and the Ho Train comes down. This is quicker than I thought!
• Savage talks strategy with Sid.
• Savage grabs Sting's leg, allowing Sid to attack.
• Why oh why must Randy Savage be on my TV this much? Is he contractually obligated to take over Hogan's bloated airtime?
• Sting with a hairpull bulldog.
• Sting with a Big Boot.
• Savage distracts the ref, allowing Sid to get chokeholds in.
• Sid with running kicks to Sting's head.
• Sid with running kicks to Sting's gut in the corner.
• Sting tries to fight back, but eats a clothesline.
• Sid: "See, that hurt. That hurt, bad."
  
• Sting avoids another running kick in the corner, and Stinger Splashes Sid.
• Savage runs in for our Screwjob Du Jour.
• Sigh.
• Sid sets up for a powerbomb, but Luger runs in with a chair for the save.
• There's a staredown with Luger and Sting in the ring, Sid and Savage on the outside.
• We have 5 minutes left, so they better do more than stare.
• Savage rambles a bit more, and makes absolutely no sense.
• That's timing for you. Jeez.
• Sting gets on the mic: "We got two words for you."
• And with that, we fade to black.