WCW Great American Bash, June, 13 1999

WCW Great American Bash
Sunday, June 13, 1999

Reporting from Canada: Xavier Doom, Esq. from The Slayground
Additional commentary by Wheezer©

This report brought to you by a Canadian.

evil foreigner

Bark at the Moon

was

when

Grrrrrroan

Beetlejuice

vvvvvrrrroooooooom!!!!

Wrestling Tidbits

The show starts, and I know I'm out another $30. The Great American Bash is here!!!
Tonight! Brian Knobs. Konnan. Ernest Miller. Scott Norton. Wheezer's© wondering what the poor people are doing tonight...
First, a bunch of guys in military fatigues pile out of a limo. And here comes that rapper, Master P. Curt Hennig, rap music hater, greets him and gets an autographed CD. Hennig pretends to appreciate it, and then snaps it, just like a Slim Jim©.
Speaking of Randy Savage, they roll the Nash-Savage poopfest pics. Here's the hummer shot. Wheezer© thinks Verne Gagne was driving it. My money's on "Raging Bull" Manny Fernandez. (He's due for a big comeback.)
We get Tony, Iron Mike and Bobby from Baltimore, the Bash's traditional home. They plug our excrement main event, saying Nash wants Savage's elbow drop reinstated. Did I miss something?
Promo for Hak vs. Knobs. Promo for Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell. Promo... for the rest of the show. Hey, more poop shots!

Curtain jerker: Kendo stick match -- Hak (w/Chastity) vs. Brian Knobs (w/Jimmy Hart)
- Knobs out first. He grabs the microphone.
- Says he's promised Mrs. Nasty a birthday present: beating the crap out of Hak.
- How about flowers, instead?
- Knobs wants to forget the weapons and fight it out.
- Hak comes out. As usual, he takes his time getting to the ring.
- Knobs throws a garbage can out of the ring, waits for Hak to turn around...
- Jimmy Hart throws the can back in and Knobs clobbers Hak with it.
- Knobs starts fondling his armpit, and gives Hak a pitstop.
- Trash can lid over the head, but Hak recovers and kicks a chair into Knobs' face.
- Hak with a lid over the head.
- Hak pulls a ladder from under the ring and tosses it at Knobby.
- Knobs hits Hak with it. Hak recovers and legdrops the ladder on Knobs.
- Hak makes a Knobby leg sandwich with the ladder and smacks it with a chair.
- Knobby with some punches. He throws Hak into the ladder.
- Chair to the back. Lid over the head.
- Knobby slams the ladder into Hak twice. Lid over the head again.
- Hak pushes Knobs into the ladder. Hak tries a top rope somersault.
- Misses.
- Knobby tosses the ladder at Hak.
- Hart on the apron with a chair. Can you guess what's coming next?
- Hak tosses Knobby into Hart, and Hart nails Knobby with a kendo stick.
- Hart falls off the apron.
- 1-2-3. Hak wins.
- Hugh Morrus out to beat on Hak. They place the ladder on him.
- Morrus with a moonsault onto the ladder. Knobs with a garbage can.
- Knobs yaks into the camera. He has a bleeding knuckle.
- Jimmy Hart is... juicing?
Backstage. Buff Bagwell promises to watch Roddy Piper's back.
Match Deux: "Bonus" match -- Mikey Whipwreck vs. Hammer
- Hammer. Why?
- Match highlight: Wheezer© announces he's leaving the room to take a Master Pee.
- Hammer dwarfs Mikey. Powers him into the corner. Slap.
- Heenan wonders why Mikey's wearing kneepads on his shins.
- Mikey yaks at Hammer, and is shoved down.
- Mikey with armdrags.
- The crowd goes dead.
- Hammer with a backbreaker, a choke, a slam into the corner, a bodyslam and an elbow.
- After all that Mikey kicks out and tries to rally.
- The announce team is talking about Nash and Savage. Holy poop.
- They want to know who was driving the hummer. I think Wheezer© was right. Verne Gagne.
- Hammer tosses Mikey around a lot.
- "Boring" chant starts.
- Hammer with a big superplex. Nice move, actually.
- Legdrop by Hammer. Two.
- Hammer with an abdominal stretch.
- Wheezer© drops his wedding ring.
- Nick Patrick tries to force Hammer to break, because he's using rope leverage.
- Mikey rallies a bit, and can't hit a backslide.
- Hammer throws Mikey outside.
- Hammer sets the ring steps at the guard rail and drops Mikey.
- Mikey gets the upper hand again.
- He legdrops Hammer and tries a suicide dive.
- Wheezer© sings Blondie.
- Mikey with a top rope Thesz press. Two count.
- Mikey nearly slipped on the ropes.
- Hammer catches Mikey. Cobra clutch into a slam.
- 1-2-3
- Hammer walks up to the camera to say "I got nothing to say to you."
- Actually, not a bad match for Hammer. He's showing some wrestling skill.
Mastercard sweepstakes winner announced. I know this stuff is important...
- Congratulations, Michael Salro.
- What did he win? Bus fare? Oh, it was a trip to this show. And bus fare.
Match Three: Disco Inferno vs. Buff Bagwell
- Disco walks out, and they show a blonde in the front row.
- Disco walks over to her and mugs for the camera.
- Buff out. He plays the crowd and gets cheers.
- Disco plays the crowd and is booed. Poor Disco.
- Lock up.
- They execute kicks, they run around a bit, a few leapfrogs...
- Buff outside.
- Buff with a headlock, kick, shoulderblock, kick, neckbreaker.
- Buff pose. Proving, at least to himself, that he's the stuff.
- Buff with an armlock.
- Wheezer© drops the cap for his soda bottle.
- The announcers talk about Buff being a tag team specialist.
- Buff signals for the blockbuster, but Disco scoots out of the ring.
- Wheezer©: "What a great match." Yes, that was sarcasm.
- Disco with a kick, armlock, a switch by Buff.
- Clothesline by Disco.
- Disco with an atomic drop.
- Wheezer© drops my WCW Giant action figure.
- Schiavone hollers out to the high school grads out there.
- Disco to the second rope. He dances and hits an elbow.
- Slow two count.
- Disco works on the neck. Slam.
- Disco up again. Misses the elbow.
- Buff with a backdrop. Ten punches. The crowd can count to ten.
- Buff to the top. Disco topples him. Buff falls outside.
- Disco hits the Last Dance/Chartbuster/Stone Cold Stunner on the outside.
- Disco back in.
- The ref starts counting out Buff.
- Buff crawls back in.
- Disco's miffed. Tries the piledriver. Buff tosses him over.
- They exchange punches. Buff gets the better exchange rate.
- Buff does the strut.
- Buff with a power slam. He sets up for the blockbuster.
- Disco tries to avoid it, but Buff executes the move.
- He actually misses -- badly -- but gets the three count anyway.
- Hey, it was in the script.
Match Four: Konnan and Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Curt Hennig and Bobby Duncum Jr.
- DJ Ran is in da house. Cheap heat time! Mention the Orioles, DJ...
- Wheezer© to DJ Ran: "Up yer butt with a coconut."
- DJ intros Master P. The crowd is... somewhat subdued.
- Master P and his friends take seats in the front row which just happen to be vacant.
- Gee... I wonder if we'll get another Hennig-Master P confrontation.
- Nah. Too predictable. Predictable never happens in wrestling. Just ask the Greater Power.
- Hennig and Duncum's music: "Rap is Crap."
- Konnan and Konnan Lite come out in anticipation of a mustard gas attack.
- Konnan with the homosexual jailhouse catch phrases. He calls his opponents strawberries.
- Does that make Konnan Lite his bitch?
- Heenan says Konnan Lite looks like the guy who cleans his pool.
- Hennig insults Master P's music.
- Konnan and Konnan Lite clear the ring.
- Master P hits Hennig.
- Back in the ring Konnan Lite gets the upper hand with the usual flying stuff.
- Hennig and Duncum take turns overpowering Rey.
- Hennig distracts the ref as Duncum beats up Rey on the outside.
- Nice dropkick by Hennig on Konnan Lite.
- Hennig spits on Konnan. Duncum beats on Konnan Lite.
- Hennig tries to give himself a Konnan Lite enema.
- I miss the next 20 seconds 'cause I'm laughing too hard.
- They show Master P every so often.
- Hennig does the Rick Rude gyration and points to the heavens.
- The crowd boos.
- Rey finally scores the hot tag.
- Konnan with the somersault clothesline and the ref orders Konnan out.
- What? He was looking right at the tag.
- Smoking crack?
- Rey tries the Asai moonsault, Hennig catches him, Rey wriggles out, and gets the tag.
- Here come the homoerotic moves: Konnan with a carpet muncher on Duncum, Konnan Lite with the roughrider on Hennig.
- Barry Windham comes out to help Hennig and Duncum.
- Master P's bodyguard Swoll interferes, nails Duncum, and Konnan Lite scores the pin.
- Big skirmish.
- Windham, Hennig and Duncum hogtie Konnan Lite.
Match Five: Ernest Miller (w/Sonny Onoo) vs. Scott Norton
- Out comes The Cat.
- Out comes... Horace Hogan..?
- Hogan pulls out a microphone and challenges Miller.
- Miller says he wants Norton.
- They insult each other a bit, and Hogan runs in.
Match Five (rebooked): Ernest Miller (w/Sonny Onoo) vs. Horace Hogan
- Horace beats up Miller a bit.
- Outside, back in, and Miller with a standing side kick.
- Miller with a slam.
- Miller with a choke.
- Miller throws Horace outside so Sonny can kick him a bit.
- Miller outside. He throws Horace into the guard rail.
- Back in, Horace hits a slam and an elbow. Two.
- This is terrible.
- The announcers wonder where Norton is.
- Horace with a boot to the face and a splash. Two.
- The crowd is dead.
- Sonny to the apron. Horace grabs him and then tosses him over the top rope.
- Sonny puts... a red shoe on Miller's foot.
- Miller in the ring. He nails Horace with the shoe.
- 1-2-3
- Miller puts on a cape and the other shoe.
- He does a James Brown imitation. Har! Funny.
Match Six: WCW Presidency on the line -- Ric Flair vs. Roddy Piper
- Flair comes out with Asya and Arn Anderson.
- Piper comes out with kilt and gut.
- The announcers mention Buff.
- Hmmm... any chance Buff will double cross Piper? Nah... predictable.
- We're going to try something different here.
- Okay. A blow-by-blow account of this important contest.
- Wheezer© drops his soda bottle cap in anticipation of this contest.
- Flair with a chop.
- Piper with chops in response. Backdrop. Series of punches.
- Face forward fall by Flair.
- Chops and an eye poke by Piper.
- Bite and punches by Roddy.
- Flair with a kick in the groin. It's that damn trick knee.
- Piper with a backslide. Jab.
- Piper throws punches and bites. Bites Flair, I mean.
- Flair begs off.
- Piper with punches.
- Fall and more begging by Flair. Low blow.
- Outside interference from Anderson. Low blow.
- Chop.
- Piper grabs a handful of tights, exposes Flair's ass and scores a two count.
- Toss of the top rope, and two horrible clotheslines by Piper.
- Throw outside by Flair.
- Piper with an offensive flurry. Punches, shoulder, slllllooooowwwww sunset flip. Two.
- Piper locks on his sleeper.
- Flair escapes, and pulls out knucks. Hits Piper.
- Cover. Two count.
- Flair figure four.
- Arn Anderson grabs Flair's hands for added leverage.
- Buff Bagwell out to help Piper. Piper's disqualified.
- Piper looks at Buff.
- Uh-oh. I think I had this backwards. You can feel it coming.
- Piper thanks Buff, and then hits him. Yup.
- Piper, Flair and Anderson beat up Buff.
- Anderson hits a spinebuster, getting the biggest pop of the match.
- Flair and Anderson leave.
- Piper stays, whips Buff with his belt and spits on him.
- Roddy Piper, bad guy. Hasn't happened since 1986.
- The wrestling in that match was atrocious -- but the ending was almost interesting.
- After all I wrote above -- dare I say Piper did something cool?
Some are born to move the world, to live their fantasies.
But most of us just dream about the things we'd like to be.
Sadder still to watch it die, than never to have known it.
For you, the blind who once could see,
The bell tolls for thee...

From "Losing It" off the Signals album by Rush.
Just some food for thought after that crappy match.
Match Seven: Falls count anywhere -- Rick Steiner vs. Sting.
- Steiner out first.
- Wheezer© is bored. He grabs my copy of the new Thomas Harris book, Hannibal.
- Hope he doesn't drop it.
- He puts it down, and picks up the newspaper.
- Back to the ppv -- Sting out and Tony talks about how Sting won his first world title at the 1990 Great American Bash.
- That's right, Tony. It was the greatest Bash in the history of the Bash, wasn't it?
- Sting with kicks and punches to start.
- They go outside. Steiner tosses Sting around.
- Back inside, Steiner beats down Sting.
- Steiner with a face rake. Punches.
- Sting recovers and hits a pair of atomic drops, followed by a dropkick.
- Back outside. Sting crotches Steiner on the rail.
- Sting pounds Steiner. Steiner responds with a chair.
- Sting with a punch. Steiner into the rail.
- Rather than count, the ref is on the outside.
- Sting misses a Stinger Splash and hits the rail.
- These guys have been outside for more than a minute.
- Steiner peels back the padding on the outside and hits a crappy piledriver.
- In the ring, Steiner shows shades of his former ability and hits a release supplex.
- Steiner with punches and a chinlock.
- Steiner sits down on Sting a few times and hits an elbow.
- Steiner tries to sit down again and gets knees to the groin.
- Sting with a V-bomb splash.
- Sting to the top. Bodysplash. Two count.
- Steiner with a low blow.
- Steiner goes to work on the neck. Bow and arrow.
- Sting stands up and gets out of the move with a kick.
- Two Stinger Splashes. He sets up for the Scorpion Death Lock.
- The fans are looking at something...
- Steiner reaches the ropes, and the wrestlers take it up the aisle.
- Sting supplexes Steiner on the ramp.
- Sting slams Steiner into the Internet table.
- Chris Jericho is there. Hmm.
- They go backstage behind the curtain and Tank Abbott attacks Sting.
- Scott Steiner is there, and they turn dogs on Sting!!!
- What the hell?
- Two dobermans and a rottweiler. This backstage stuff is obviously pretaped, and a stuntman is being used.
- Sting tries to fend off the dogs.
- Security to the rescue.
- They stop showing the attack, saying it's too violent.
- And guess what? They're right.
- A dog attack. That's disgusting.
- Seriously. I can't believe they did this. Family entertainment, indeed.
- The Steiners come out to the ring and intimidate the ref to declare Rick the winner.
- Rick gets on the microphone and insults Baltimore, calling it a "shitty" town.
- Yeah, he said "shitty" on the air.
- So far tonight; juice, animal attacks and swearing. Yup. Family entertainment.
Match Eight: WCW tag champs Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. DDP & Kanyon (w/Bam Bam Bigelow)
- Kanyon and Benoit start.
- Benoit with a shoulderblock and a dropkick.
- Kanyon forces Benoit into the corner and gives him the shoulder.
- Benoit chops.
- Benoit lifts Kanyon into the air.
- Benoit and Saturn clear the ring.
- DDP tagged in. Saturn tagged in.
- DDP with an arm twist and shoulders. Saturn with a drop toe hold and a slam.
- Saturn punches down Kanyon.
- Benoit slams DDP.
- All four brawl. The champs hit supplexes.
- Saturn clotheslines Kanyon over the top.
- BBB trips Benoit. Benoit chops Kanyon and takes a clothesline from DDP.
- Kanyon rolls Benoit in. DDP kicks the Crippler.
- DDP elbow low on Benoit. Clothesline, Kanyon tagged in.
- Kanyon to the top, driving legdrop. Two count.
- Tony plays up the Sting attack.
- DDP and Benoit exchange moves, Benoit hits the German supplex.
- Two count. Benoit tries for more, but Kanyon grabs DDP. DDP with a low blow.
- Kanyon with a beautiful moonsault that misses.
- Double tags. Saturn slams and supplexes his opponents.
- Saturn with a frog splash on DDP. Two. Should have been three.
- Saturn in the corner. He punches down DDP.
- Kanyon from behind. Pancake. DDP covers Saturn. Two.
- Kanyon with an elbow.
- Kanyon tosses Saturn to the outside to be worked over by DDP and BBB.
- Saturn in. Kanyon with two.
- DDP punches Saturn low. Kanyon with a Russian legsweep. Two.
- DDP stomps down Saturn.
- Saturn leans toward the wrong corner and Kanyon tags him in jest.
- Kanyon avoids a sunset flip by tagging DDP.
- Benoit tries to come in.
- Kanyon back in -- front face lock. He turns it into a neckbreaker.
- Two count.
- DDP in with a bodysplash. Two. He kicks at Saturn.
- Saturn fights out of the opposition corner.
- Can't make the tag, however.
- Kanyon in, stomps down Saturn. Powerbomb style pancake.
- DDP makes the cover. Two.
- Benoit tries to get in. The ref puts him back in the corner.
- DDP misses an avalanche. Saturn crawls to the corner -- tag.
- Benoit in. He beats up both opponents and whips Kanyon into DDP.
- DDP falls, headbutting Kanyon in the groin.
- Benoit ducks Kanyon, who hits BBB.
- Benoit with the supplex series. Three of them. The pin is broken up by DDP.
- Benoit signals for the Dragon supplex.
- DDP breaks up the count again.
- Benoit and Saturn up to the top.
- Benoit with the headbutt on Kanyon. DDP catches Saturn in a diamond cutter.
- All four men are down, Saturn then goes out of the ring.
- Dean Malenko comes out and apparently tries to help Saturn.
- Inside, DDP and BBB hit a double diamond cutter.
- Kanyon covers Benoit.
- 1-2-3
- New champs. They punk Malenko, and leave him lying with Benoit and Saturn.
- A short reign for one of the most technically gifted tag teams in WCW history.
Match Nine: WCW World champ Kevin Nash vs. Randy Savage (w/Ladies)
- Once again, the poop story is recapped.
- Here comes the hummer. I thought that was violent, but the dog attack tonight was worse.
- Michael Buffer. The usual goofy hype ensues.
- "W'Sup Mach?" booms over the speaker system.
- Here comes the bimbo circus.
- A wolf howl is heard... and out comes the world champ.
- Buffer hypes Nash, and talks about his rib and knee injuries.
- Nash with the wounded-yet-intense look.
- Nash touches his ribs.
- Iron Mike says the Savage elbow (banned by Ric Flair) is now legal.
- Nash crotch chop and he attacks Savage.
- Nash works over Savage in the corner. Hip checks and elbows.
- Savage whipped into the corner. Nash with a running clothesline.
- He clutches his ribs. Side slam. Nash favours the ribs again.
- Savage with punches and kicks.
- Savage goes to the ribs.
- Choke.
- Savage clotheslines Nash over the top and out.
- Savage runs Nash into the railing.
- Savage back in. Medusa attacks Nash.
- Savage works over Nash some more.
- Medusa kicks at Nash as Savage distracts the ref.
- Nash in. He takes a punch to the head.
- Savage boot choke.
- Savage beats down Nash in the corner.
- Nash tries to comes back.
- Miss Madness with a missile dropkick that floors Nash.
- Savage with the big elbow.
- 1-2-kick out.
- Savage talks smack to the ref.
- Nash and Savage trade punches.
- Nash with his old snake eyes finisher. Big boot.
- Nash goes for the jackkinfe.
- Gorgeous George attacks Nash. It looks rude for a moment, and then he dumps her off.
- She nearly falls out of her top.
- Nash takes on Savage and his gals.
- He pulls the snake eyes move on Miss Madness.
- The crowd pops.
- Here comes... Sid Vicious.
- Wow. Wonder how Arn Anderson feels about that.
- Sid with a kick on Nash. The referee calls for the bell. Savage DQ'ed.
- Sid's sporting one ugly scar under his left eye.
- Sid with a powerbomb on Nash.
- Sid screams at Nash, Savage leaves with his women.
- Hmm... almost exactly ten years after his NWA/WCW debut, Sid is back.
- King of the powerbomb feud, anyone?
Er, that's it!

Except for this...

I wonder what Vampiro's doing now.

WCW Great American BashSunday, June 13, 1999

Reporting from Canada: Xavier Doom, Esq. from The Slayground Additional commentary by Wheezer©

Back to DDT Digest

WCW Great American Bash
Sunday, June 13, 1999

Reporting from Canada: Xavier Doom, Esq. from The Slayground
Additional commentary by Wheezer©