WCW Thunder - Thursday, May 27, 1999

Owen Hart, thanks for the memories. Your family, friends and fans all love and miss ya'.

• David Blazina writes:

  You said in the Thunder Report:

  "Note to WCW: David Flair is way too green and not cut enough to survive in a WCW ring. Not only is he making an ass out of himself but it's making Ric look bad for bringing him in like this. Send Davey to the Power Plant, fast!"

  Isn't that kind of the point though? It wouldn't be "crazy Ric Flair having people lay down for his awful son" if David actually had some ability. Having him look awful plays an important part in the angle, IMHO.

  On that note, did anyone else besides me laugh their heads off over the David Flair/El Dandy match on Nitro? Flair nearly tripped after he shoulderblocked Dandy and then, the defining moment. Flair stands there with a blank stare on his face as Dandy applies a drop toe-hold, causing Flair to land on his knee. I literally laughed out loud.

• Jon Lavigne shares a similar thought:

  I think that David Flair is actually screwing up that figure four on purpose. Think about it, I mean, Ric's trying to get over as a heel, people got pissed off from watching Eric Watts get his push, so, to generate more heel heat, Ric "pushes" his son. On the flip side, David, who doesn't have much experience anyway, gets to TRY to look bad, and seems to be doing a good job of it. Hell, he can't HELP but look bad, but now, he's collecting a paycheck to wrestle like he normally does. He just needs to try not to look like a deer in headlights...

  And Savage... he returns as a face, turns heel before you know he's done it, and beats up cruiserweights and midcarders. I may not know if I'm SUPPOSED to like him or not, but I do know that, whatever happens, he'll stay in that same place in my heart that Hogan's in... and that's not saying a whole hell of a lot.

• What would Gary Farmer like to see?

  If Thunder gets any worse, you could always just change this to the post Thunder monkeyed movies report!

  A workable idea, but I'd get flamed by zoologists for being biased against the other species of primates out there.

• Mark Halling comments about Randy Savage and future angles:

  I think having Savage go over Rey Mysterio, Jr., Kidman, Konnan, Disco Inferno, and Buff Bagwell is setting up something thet will be pretty sweet. Right now it looks like the summer angle will be: Wolfpac(?) Kevin Nash, Konnan, Disco, Kidman, and Rey vs. Team Madness Macho, DDP, BBB, and Curt Hennig. So, in response to you saying Macho beating them all up was ugly, I think it was also but in a few months stuff like this will set up bigger matches for them. Because of just being with Savage they will be ready for the (at least sub) main event (except for Konnan who will be in the opener at Saturday Night because he has no skill). Good report and I'll read you next week.

• WRUSS predicts what will be The Biggest Main Event In The History Of Our Sport!!!!!!!

  Hey Aldo, I bet you can't wait for this match to show up on a future WCW event:

  Charles Robinson vs David Flair

  OUCH!

If I remember my chemistry and biology classes properly, I believe the Candy Ass contains sucrose, while the Fruit Booty contains fructose.

Send e-mail here if you have comments about his answer.

• Zbyzsko takes his bows.
• Tenay mentions that next Monday Nitro, Rick Steiner and Sting will battle in an "anything goes," no-DQ cage match in the Houston Astrodome.
  • Knowing WCW, I'm predicting a DQ already, in which I'll begin my "Let them play!" chant.

• Kaz enters for our opening bout against...
• Lash LeRoux! WHIPASS!
• This should be good.
• Bell sounds, and Lash starts us off with a mild U.S.A. chant.
• Lockup, Lash goes behind and takes Kaz down.
• Lash works on the arm.
• Kaz tries an armbar but Lash flips out and does an armdrag.
• Kaz extends his hand for a mutual show of respect and ends up kicking Lash.
• Kaz sends Lash to the corner and dropkicks him from behind on the rebound.
• Kaz goes off the ropes and hits a shoulderblock.
• Kaz comes off the ropes again and misses a spin kick.
• Kaz is whipped, blocks an armdrag and does a backslide for two.
• Kaz applies a snapmare and dropkicks Lash in the back of his head.
• Kaz lands a kick to the face.
• Kaz sends Lash to the turnbuckle head-first.
• Lash tries a kick but gets chopped.
• Kaz lands another chop.
• Kaz snapmares Lash and goes to the ropes.
• Kaz leaps over Lash, goes off the other set of ropes, stalls and drops the Shiyru Elbow.
• Supposedly, Randy Savage is entering the arena.
• Lash applies a headscissors takeover.
• Even though we have a decent match going on, we just have to cut backstage to Savage and his Ho Train.
• Savage hollers for Buff Bagwell and storms into the locker room.
• Savage ends up laying out Disco Inferno and Scotty Riggs.
  • Scotty Riggs was looking in his hand mirror when Savage started threatening him, and warned Savage it would be seven years bad luck if he broke the mirror.
    
• Back to the ring, Kaz mounts the turnbuckle and lands a flurry of punches.
• Kaz gives Lash some more kicks.
• Kaz lands a standing sidekick.
• Kaz with another kick and a double-underhook suplex.
• Kaz floats over for two.
• Kaz lands a cheap shot to the eyes.
• The crowd shows their appreciation for the combatants by saying "You both suck."
• Kaz with more offense.
• Lash reverses a whip and hits an atomic drop.
• Lash lands a couple punches, does his strut and hits a running clothesline.
• Lash gets whipped but floats over Kaz and does a variation of his Whiplash finisher, only Kaz was in a backbreaker position and not the fireman's carry.
• Lash covers for two.
• Lash does a variation of the Northern Lights suplex for two.
• Lash puts Kaz in the fireman's carry but he squirms out.
• Kaz lands a kick.
• Lash whips Kaz to the corner and misses the elbowsmash.
• Kaz tries to charge the corner and runs into the double-boot.
• Kaz applies a frankensteiner.
• Kaz goes up top but Lash swats his leg.
• Lash mounts the turnbuckle and gets shoved off.
• Lash counters a crossbody attempt with a dropkick.
• Lash goes up top and gets tripped.
• Kaz applies a superplex.
• Kaz brings Lash near the corner and goes up top.
• Kaz lands the senton splash for the win. Damn.
• YOUR WINNER: Kaz Hayashi via top-turnbuckle senton splash in 8:58.
• Good opening match, but the pace felt a little slower than usual for these two.

• Veteran Thunder viewers know by now that when Prince Iaukea comes out, he's going to job. Tonight's lucky winner is... (drumroll)
• Van Hammer? Looks like the fans are the losers.
• Even worse, Hammer comes out to what is Ray Traylor's old music.
• The 6' 6" 275 lb. Van Hammer just dwarfs Iaukea.
• Hammer starts off with a clothesline.
• Iaukea slides under Hammer's legs to avoid a punch and tries a kick.
• Hammer catches the leg, allowing Iaukea to hit an enziguri.
• Prince goes to the apron, signals for Hammer and hits a springboard dropkick.
• Hammer floors Iaukea with a kick.
• Hammer beats up Iaukea in the corner.
• Iaukea tries some fists but gets choked out.
• Hammer throws Iaukea to mid-ring.
• Hammer drops an elbow for two.
• We cut to the crowd and see Tank Abbott of UFC fame.
  
  • On that note, why couldn't they have picked this match to show Savage's arrival?
• Iaukea ends up outside.
• Hammer drives Iaukea into the apron twice.
• Iaukea comes back with some punches.
• Hammer blocks an attempt to ram his head into the stairs.
• Hammer sends Iaukea into the stairs head-first.
• Inside, Hammer uses a bearhug.
• Iaukea headbutts out and tries a scoop slam.
• Hammer ends up falling on top of Iaukea for two.
• Hammer sends Iaukea to the corner.
• Hammer puts Iaukea on the turnbuckle.
• Iaukea kicks Hammer away and perches up.
• Hammer shakes the top rope, causing Iaukea to fall on the top turnbuckle.
• Hammer goes up top and applies a superplex.
• Hammer does his cobra-clutch slam and pins the... God, it pains me to say this... former television champion.
• YOUR WINNER: Van Hammer via cobra-clutch slam in 5:00.

• The Train leads out Savage.
• Zbyzsko: "Somebody better tell Savage that two's company, three's a shroud." Uhh...
• Savage rips up a Wolfpac sign en route to the ring.
• Savage tells Gene to say hello to his ladies.
• Gene names off the women.
• Savage is excited about his match with Nash.
• Gene confirms that the heavyweight title is on the line.
• Savage says that Buff disrespected him.
• Apparently, Savage doesn't step on crap, he steps over it. Thanks for sharing.
• Savage says he doesn't fear Nash, but Nash fears him.
• Savage invites us to watch him regain the belt.
• Gene asks Savage for permission to do a little Richard Dawson with the women. Poor girls.
• Gene asks Madusa who her favorite wrestler is.
• Madusa, in a voice only a drugged-up forty-year-old woman could love, makes a reference to an M&M about Savage.
• Mona and George also favor Savage.
• I guess Gene likes his two friends downstairs more than the chance to kiss the women.
  

• Let's see. After our opening bout, we had a crap match, followed by a pointless interview then this. Who did Charleston, SC piss off?
• It appears that our feline friend is now "The Godfather of Soul."
• Cat spouts his verbal diarrhea.
• Cat talks smack to Scott Norton and then calls him out!
• Cat refers to Norton as "Yogi Bear."
• Cat threatens to lock the doors and whoop on everyone in the arena.
• Cat makes an open challenge.
• Some really faggy music brings out...
• El Vampiro! Only that he's dropped the El in his name now.
• Vampiro gets a nice fireworks display for his entrance.
• Are you happy, Xavier Doom?
• Vampiro raises the roof in the ring.
• I hope Vampiro goes all-stiff on Cat tonight.
• As Onoo tries to bribe Vampiro, Cat gets his paws in.
• Vampiro reverses a whip and hits a side kick.
• Vampiro with a spinning kick.
• Vampiro chokes Onoo on the apron.
• Cat takes a swing from behind but ends up kicking Onoo.
• Vampiro lands another spinning kick.
• Vampiro mounts Cat on the turnbuckle and goes up top.
• Cat neuters Vampiro with a shot to the balls.
• Tenay refers to Malenko's outburst backstage on Nitro as "shooting." Sigh.
• Vampiro lands a forearm in the corner.
• Vampiro lays the smackdown on Cat's candy-ass with the Rock Bottom.
• Onoo hits a knee to Vampiro's back.
• This allows Cat to land the SHITTY ROUNDHOUSE KICK OF MILD PAIN for the W.
• YOUR WINNER: The Cat via roundhouse kick in 2:36.
• Oh yea, the W stands for whatever.

• Benoit accuses Flair of being self-serving.
• Benoit calls Flair outside but Page jumps him.
• Page lays the boots on Benoit as Flair watches.

• As Knobbs spouts off, the crowd boos him. Good job!
• Blah blah I'm hardcore blah blah.
• I think I'm supposed to care for this guy, according to WCW, but I don't.
• Knobbs talks smack to Bigelow.
• Jimmy Hart comes out to interrupt this segment.
• Hart talks about walking out with Knobbs in the past.
• Hart offers his services to Knobbs.
• Knobbs says he's as nasty as he wants to be and will think about it.
• Knobbs then walks off as Hart rambles.

• Good grief. It's Charlie Brown, err Ashenoff. Excuse me. :)
• Wah wah wah waaah... damnit, sorry about that. Let me put down my trumpet.
• Okay, better. Konnan gets the mic inside the ring.
• Apparently, it's all about the cheddar for Konnan. Which is good, because the processed American cheese tastes like shit.
• Somewhere in what was supposed to be his monologue, Konnan makes mention of somebody being a "banana in a tailpipe."
• Konnan praises ThugLife, Jr., Kidman and Kevin Nash.
• After delaying the inevitable, Konnan hits the CATCHPHRASES OF SEVERE ANNOYANCE.
• "Danger, High Voltage!" Kaos comes out.
• Where was the "Danger! White man trying to act urban!" warning? C'mon, get with it, WCW!
• Kaos rips up a sign on the way to the ring, saving a security officer precious seconds of confiscating it later in the show.
• Tank Abbott speaks tonight.
• Lockup, Kaos shoves Konnan into the corner.
• Kaos applies a wristlock.
• Konnan flips out and does an armdrag.
• Lockup, Kaos lands a knee to the gut.
• Kaos knocks Konnan down.
• Kaos lands a weak clothesline.
• Kaos drops an elbow for two.
• Kaos applies a chinlock.
• Konnan comes off the ropes, goes behind Kaos and lands a bulldog.
• Konnan does his seated dropkick.
• Konnan does the ten punches in the corner and grabs his crotch.
• Kaos sends Konnan into the corner.
• Konnan floats over a charging Kaos but eats a lariat, which probably tastes better than the aforementioned cheddar.
• Kaos covers for two.
• Kaos does a suplex for two.
• Kaos works in a wristlock.
• Kaos clotheslines Konnan for two.
• Kaos chinlocks Konnan on the middle rope.
• Kaos threatens the crowd, and probably gets as many as four people to react to him. I'm assuming laughter.
• Kaos kicks Konnan in the korner. Alliteration is fun.
• Kaos applies a backbreaker.
• Kaos jaws with the crowd some more.
• Konnan ducks a clothesline and applies a DDT for two.
• Kaos hits a shot to the midsection.
• Konnan gets in his rolling clothesline.
• Konnan whips Kaos to the ropes.
• Konnan leapfrogs over Kaos and hits the mule kick and facebuster for two.
• Kaos reverses a cross-corner whip and eats a double-boot.
• Kaos hits a powerslam and goes up top.
• Kaos tries the Alaska Jammer but Konnan evades.
• The Tequila Sunrise and tap-out are academic at this point.
• YOUR WINNER: Konnan via Tequila Sunrise in 6:15.

• YES! Lenny Lane! Kick-ass!
• He'll be facing Evan "Fly Me" Karagias. Yeah, I know, the song goes Fly Me Courageous, blame WCW for changing the ring name, not me.
• Y'know, one of these guys is going to win tonight. Holy shit.
• Lockup, Lane applies an armdrag takedown.
• Evan floats over into a chinlock.
• Evan does a go-behind and applies a hammerlock.
• Evan lands a dropkick.
• Evan clotheslines Lane over the top rope.
• Oooooh, Evan, won'cha take it easy?
• Lodi comes to ringside to scout these two men.
• Lane pulls Evan out and sends him to the apron.
• Lane sends Evan to the steps.
• Both men back inside.
• Lane drops an elbow and notices Lodi.
• Evan gets sent to the turnbuckle.
• Lane charges, but Evan floats over and gets ten punches on the turnbuckle.
• Evan goes to the apron and hits a springboard lariat for two.
• Lane reverses a whip, puts Evan in an airplane spin and hits a backbreaker.
• Lane does a great job of selling his own move and falls head-first onto Evan's jimmy.
• Lane covers for two.
• Lane applies a gutwrench powerbomb.
• The lateral press gets two.
• Evan gets whipped, ducks under two clotheslines and lands a crossbody for two.
• Lane hits a lariat for two.
• Lane stomps on both sets of Evan's fingers.
• Lane chokes Evan on the middle rope.
• Lane with a scoop slam and an elbow drop for two.
• Lane whips Evan, who responds with a floatover facedrop.
• Evan lands a dropkick and a crossbody for two.
• Evan leaps on Lane's shoulders.
• Lane counters with a reverse powerbomb for two.
• Evan does a powerslam and heads up top.
• Evan hits a corkscrew splash, dubbed the "Outrageous Corkscrew," for the win. Damn.
• YOUR WINNER: Evan Karagias via Outrageous Corkscrew in 5:35.

• Tank tries to get over by calling Gene the "Mighty Mean Gene" but fails.
• Tank says he used his name to get front-row seats.
• Tank says that a bunch of "cherries" fell in the ring.
• Tank runs down the hardcore division.
• Gene shows his diploma for the "DDP Let's Pretend to Break Kayfabe School" by referring to the upcoming cage match next Monday as a shoot. Puh-lease.
• Rick Steiner comes from the back and has some words with Tank.
• Steiner and Tank come to blows.
• Tank gets led away from ringside as Steiner makes a challenge.
• A couple points I want to make clear right now:
  1. Besides the beginning of this feud, Rick Steiner also has feuds with Buff Bagwell, as well as Sting and Lex Luger. Logic says that only one of these three will get the proper blow-off.
  2. Tank's speech gives the appearance that he is entering WCW as a heel. Rick Steiner fights with Tank and is also a heel. I'm confused.

• Dean Malenko's pre-Horseman theme brings out Chris Benoit.
  • I don't care if it is ripped off music, Malenko's theme just rules.
• DDP gets the required fireworks.
• Benoit ducks a clothesline and the two slug away.
• Benoit blocks a kick and immediately hits the Crippler Crossface.
• DDP grabs the ropes to escape but gets stomped on.
• DDP gets whipped but bails when he reaches the ropes.
• Benoit goes between the top and middle ropes with a suicide dive!
• Benoit brings DDP head-first to the post.
• DDP catches Benoit coming into the ring with a well-placed knee.
• DDP applies a backdrop suplex.
• DDP chokes Benoit with his boot holding the ropes for leverage.
• DDP stomps on Benoit.
• Benoit applies a jawbreaker.
• Benoit lands some chops.
• In the corner, Benoit continues the beatdown.
• DDP reverses a whip into an elbowsmash.
• Both men are down.
• At the count of seven, DDP gets up and lands a boot to the head.
• Both men grapple to the floor.
• Benoit sends DDP to the rail, then the steps.
• DDP blocks a smash to the rail and pokes the eyes.
• DDP hurls Benoit to the rail back-first.
• DDP with a vertical suplex on the carpet.
• WCW Law #4,715: All this action requires some...
• Commercials.
• WCW.com plug.
• The two still battle outside.
• Both men go in.
• Benoit lands a double sledge.
• More kicks.
• Benoit gets whipped but holds the ropes.
• Benoit grabs DDP's hair and throws him down.
• Benoit gets four punches on the turnbuckle before a fist destroys any chance of Little Cripplers being born five years down the line.
• DDP drops Benoit chin-first on the turnbuckle.
• DDP gets up and stomps a New Jersey mudhole on Benoit.
• Benoit falls outside.
• DDP follows and sends Benoit to the post.
• Benoit gets in the ring and DDP follows on the apron.
• DDP drops a jawbreaker on the top rope.
• Back in, DDP applies a gutwrench pick-up and drops Benoit into a gutbuster.
• I have just noticed that Benoit is developing a receding hairline.
• DDP applies a boot choke, again using the ropes for leverage.
• DDP does another gutwrench pick-up, this time into a front suplex on the top rope.
• Benoit stumbles onto the apron and gets kicked off the ring.
• Benoit gets on the apron, blocks a smash to the post and goes up top.
• DDP knocks Benoit down into the Tree of Woe.
• DDP kicks away but Johnny Boone breaks it up and pulls Benoit off.
• DDP asks Boone to check the time remaining in the match.
• As Boone checks the time, DDP gets some tape and chokes out Benoit.
• DDP puts on a chinlock and asks for the time again.
• This time, DDP uses the tape to slam Benoit as Boone honors DDP's request.
• DDP covers for two.
• DDP puts on the Two-Time, Two-Time, Two-Time chinlock.
• Benoit elbows out but DDP renders it useless with a side slam for two.
• DDP whips Benoit into a sleeperhold.
• Eventually, Benoit counters with a jawbreaker.
• Benoit blocks a right and sends DDP down with rights of his own.
• A chop floors DDP.
• DDP whips Benoit into the corner chest-first.
• Benoit flips out of an attempted German suplex and does one of his own for two.
• Benoit does another German suplex for two.
• Without letting go, Benoit tries a third, but DDP holds onto the ropes and mule kicks Benoit.
• DDP does a sit-down powerbomb for two.
• Benoit blocks an attempt at the Diamond Cutter and backslides DDP for two.
• Benoit then puts on the Crossface!
• Bam Bam Bigelow enters the ring and breaks it up with a headbutt. Boone calls for the bell.
• YOUR WINNER: Chris Benoit via DQ in 16:11.
• Post-match, Ric Flair joins the fun and lands a loafer to Benoit's gut.
• DDP and Bigelow combine for a Diamond Cutter.
• Flair has some words for Benoit before we go.
• Shitty ending, but still a great match. Page should work with guys like Benoit more. Unfortunately, guys like Benoit are far and few in the heavyweight division.

• What, we couldn't think of a different pairing this week?
• Again, the bimbos lead out Savage.
• Savage gets a mic.
• Savage tells Nash to watch as he takes Buff to school.
• Buff tells Savage to "take the chimpanzees and go back to the zoo."
• Bell sounds and the women surround the ring.
• The women enter the ring.
• George shoves Buff from behind, allowing Savage to get the first strike.
• Savage comes off the ropes with a clothesline.
• Savage chokes Buff on the mat.
• Savage drops Buff throat-first on the top rope.
• Savage applies a boot choke.
• Savage with a kick to the chest.
• Savage lodges Buff's neck on the top rope and whiplashes it.
• Buff falls outside and Savage follows.
• Savage drops Buff neck-first on the rail.
• Madusa and George go on the apron and distract Nick Patrick.
• Mona takes off her heels, goes up top and hits a missile dropkick on Buff, who is being held by Savage.
• Savage concentrates on the neck some more.
• Savage puts Buff in the Tree of Woe.
• Savage puts the boot on Buff's neck.
• Savage applies a necklock.
• As Patrick goes outside, George takes off a high heel and jams it into Buff's throat.
• Patrick actually threatens Savage with a chair but it gets knocked from him.
• Savage gets the chair and Patrick calls for the bell.
• YOUR WINNER: Buff Bagwell via DQ in 4:49.
• Savage and the Ho Train walk to the back as trainers tend to Buff.
• I guess Savage was so upset over Buff landing offense last week that he had to get the squash tonight, DQ or not.