WCW Worldwide - Saturday, 12/13/97
- Better WAY late then never...I'd tell you what happened, but I don't have the three days to explain...suffice it
to say, a combo of going home for winter break (thus
losing access to the school's Internet service) and a
younger brother being an idiot and getting our account
kicked off AOL (thus losing my other way to the
internet), it was a little tough to get this to you
all...this ugly situation ought to be fixed (with the
help of the good people at Juno and my local public
library) by the time you read this (otherwise you wouldn't
be), so next week, we shall return to normalacy...
- Because of the fun week I've had dealing with
all this, finals, and moving back home, my surprise ain't
ready...it'll be done by next week, I promise...
- Oh, Henry! Nope, I'm not hungering for a candy bar, I'm
so(sa) happy that the Cubs actually got, in one little
trade, a left handed power hitter...I'm thinking they
might win the division (and it's only December!)...
- I don't got to much to say this week...so, let's go to
J.D. Server of Texpert Wrestling Headquarters was kind enough to send me a report while I was having trouble finding Cubs Fan. J.D. has a column there called Classified Information...check it out.
- Disco Inferno over Alex Porteau by the Stone Cold
- Yea, that's what I'm calling his finisher, and
that's the bottom line!
- Since I don't know when I'll have another chance,
let me tell you about my favorite match with
Disco Inferno, which happened on Worldwide, a
- It was Paul "Mr. #1derful"
Orndorff vs Disco, not long after Orndorff
had that meeting with that psychic...both
men are in the ring, the match hadn't
started (as far as the action in the
ring, the bell had rung) and Paul was
looking at himself in the mirror, as
usual...Disco was at the point in his
carrer where he was very focused...on his
hair (I guess he still is...) and went to
check out his hair in the mirror, by
looking over Orndorff's shoulder...It was
all going smooth for a couple seconds,
till Mr. Wonderful decided to smack Disco
with the mirror! I cracked up, Orndorff
got the quick pin and said something
about not messing with his mirror (which
was still in one piece)...Disco got back
up, checked his hair and got out of the
ring...Disco's matured so far, he isn' t
the laughable side show he used to be ;-)
- BTW, if you didn't know by now, Sting vs Hogan
"will change the face of wrestling"
according to Bobby Heenan...the competition for
hyperbole (changed to a word I can actualy spell)
of the show will be a tough one this week...
- The Brain sounds like he had a cold when he was
doing the voice over...and selective amnesia,
'cause he claims to be on almost every
PPV of wrestling ever...I'm not even
going touch that
- Bill Goldberg and Chris Adams will be up
later...probably not at the same time
- Porteau dominates in the early going ... the
middle...and up till Disco pulls the SCC out of
- Tony suggests that Disco should get another TV
title shot...hey, stop looking ahead at the
- For all of you who didn't get that, the
Worldwide voice over are always a week
behind, so he was looking ahead, not just
ignoring the future
- Tony and the Brain (I'm still waiting for someone to get
that joke) preview the rest of the show
- Luger vs Alex Wright...Starrcade hype
- Starrcade Promo - Zybszko vs Bischoff (Nitro and Hall at
Souled Out on the line)
- Public Enemy (w/table) over La Parka (w/chair) and Silver
King by chair on La Parka
- La Parka is his old nutty self going out to the
ring with his chair
- Now, why is PE's table legal but not La Parka's
- The evil luchadors attack before the bell...
- In the opening sequence, Rocco Rock is stunned
outside, so La Parka decides to sit him on the
chair and dive from the inside on top of
him...but of course, Rocco moves, and La Parka
crotches himself on the chair...OW!
- Silver King becomes the fourth member of this tag
team match to dance as he mocks the PE wave
- Talk about the dissappearance of Sting lately...
- Hot tag to Rocco, who starts to clean house...the
table "chant"...Drive By on Silver King
(the actual, non-table, tag team finisher for
Public Enemy)...Rocco with the cover, but it's
broken up by a chair in the back from La Parka
(without the ref seeing)...La Parka goes for a
second hit, but Johnny Grunge grabs the chair in
backswing, and smacks La Parka with it (without
the ref seeing again)...and covers for the win
- Glacier over Mortis w/James Vandenburg after the Chronic
- From a PPV match to a Nitro match to a Worldwide
match, my how they've fallen
- My thought at the beginning of this match -
"Come on Mortis, attack Glacier to shorten
- Talk about the problems in the relationships of
both sides in the Blood Runs Cold angle...
- Vandenburg distracts Glacier, Glacier chases
after Vandenburg, Mortis attacks from
- Mortis dominates early...but we all know how this
one will end...
- Chronic Kick on Vandeburg...
- Nice bridging back suplex by Mortis...Cronic Kick
on Mortis :(
- I swear, the day Mortis finally gets a
clean pin over Glacier is the day Harlem
Heat gets a clean pin over the
- That day, of course, is the day I
start booking for WCW :)
- Hey, how about Miller vs Glacier or Wrath vs
Mortis at Starrcade? Could happen...
- Starrcade Promo - Sting vs Hogan, in case you were deaf
and dumb, is happening at Starrcade
- Bill Goldberg over Frankie Lancaser by Jackhammer
- More hype for Eric vs Larry
- Bobby claims Eric learned Karate by sending in
backs of matches (I would have thought he
learned it by reading backs of his Batman comics,
but what do I know?)
- Unremarkable match...
- Chris Adams over Tokyo Mangum by Superkick
- Hogan vs Sting never happened according to the
announcers? Er...I remember recently reading
about a match happening in 1995 between the two,
where Hogan was tapping out to the Scorpion
Deathlock, till the 4H Club and DOD hit the ring
and chaos ensued...
- Big Powerbomb by Adams sets up the end
- Another match I don't care to remember...
- Lex Luger over Alex Wright by Luger ending #1 (Torture
- #2 is of course, a DQ and a torture rack...
- "Not a more successful year than Luger has
had" according to Tony...What about
Hogan...I'd say holding the World Title for all
but 6 days of the year would be a tiny bit better
- I hope my clock ain't right, 'cause the show has
1 minute left as the bell rings according to
- You know, Alex hasn't been seen since he had that
brain anuerasim after firing Queen Debra...I
really hope he gets well...I was wondering what's
next for the Dancing German after dumping her...
- Nice Spinkick by Alex....but he misses a dive in
to the ropes, right into the end
- That was a pathetic waste of a minute...Why not
just get a tapped Luger interview for a minute,
talking about facing Buff at Starrcade? It would
have meant something...
- Well, when Bill asked for Worldwide results...he got better! A report! I'd like to thank him for this oppurtunity to write for DDT Digest, and I've only been a reader for a few
months, but I'd have to say...this is one of the best wrestling pages I've ever been to. I've given my comments to a few writers on this staff, but that really isn't the point. Now that I got my Bischoff-like ass-kissing job done I'd like to give out a plug.
- See, I didn't write this because I have too much spare time. I do a column for Texpert Wrestling Headquarters, a great wrestling page and I'd appreciate it if you followed the link and took a peek. My column is Classified Information, updated usually either Saturday or Sunday. It's not on the column's main page, and I don't feel like explaining why right now. So, either way, check it out and see if you like it. The Worldwide report below is the same as the one in my column (although the formatting may be screwed on TWH) but I suppose it's worth a look. If you have any comments or complaints, e-mail me.
- Now, if you read on...you'll see I'm not the biggest fan of World Championship Wrestling...by a long shot. But, I'm not against everyone...I like Buff, Harlem Heat, La Parka, Benoit and a few others. Raven and Saturn are cool, too...but they shoulda stayed with the ECW. But, I love poking fun at everything, so Bischoff and company don't get any mercy. Either way, on with the show!
- The Disco Inferno faces off with Alex Porteau
- Disco is not wearing his usual orange gear, but rather a black vest with those
wacky leopard pants.
- Disco is only over with one person here at Worldwide. An elderly, fat
- Alex Porteau, haven't seen him in awhile. He was a glorified jobber for the WWF
awhile back, with an amateur wrestler gimmick.
- Oh yeah, and his nickname was..."Pug".
- Tony and Bobby are talking about Disco possibly regaining the Television Title he
lost to Saturn. Boy, even the voice-overs are old on this show!
- Disco downs Alexander with the Chartbuster, Porteau falls down and is
"unconscious", Disco gets the pin, and Alex almost immediately gets up and starts
complaining to the ref. Luckily, he remembered the 'Buster is s'posed to hurt, so
he quickly fall down and grabs his head in pain. Funny stuff.
- "Shameless Plug" Lee Marshall interviews Glacier
- This idiot keeps hawking tickets. And didn't he use the same line last week?
- Hold on...this is theexactsame interview from last week! Well, we know the
same thing happens every week on Nitro...so why not do the same with Worldwide?
- WCW Motorsports
- They just go over the record of Valvoline driver Mark Martin. They don't even say
a word about the WCW car. Hmmm...if they keep that up, how about they change the
name of the segment?
- Public Enemy mix it up with La Parka and the "Not Worth as Much as" Silver King
- Look at that zany La Parka! He does the La Parka Strut with a chair, then hops
around on one foot, and does his version of the Charleston! I love that guy!
- The PE bring the table to ringside. Like they'll get to use it on Worldwide.
- I've just noticed the numbers on Public Enemy's shirts. Rocco is "0", while
Grunge is "69". Rocco's is probably symbolic of how many wins they have this
year, while Johnny's may be a little middle-schoolish...I think you know
what "69" means. And if it does mean that, with Bischoff's "no sexuality"
rules, why is he given permission to wear it?
- A humorous moment: LP has Johnny Grunge in the corner, and attempts to splash
him, but misses when Johnny moves outta' the way. Johnny then moves back into the
corner, and La Parka does another splash, which again misses. This goes on about
three times more until Grunge finally attacks Parka.
- Another humorous moment: Rocco Rock does that little tilt-a-whirl thing into the
ropes and invites the Silver King to do the same. King gets caught in between the
ropes, and gets his ass clotheslined to the floor by Double R!
- ony: "Since Sting has suffered that beating at the hands of Hulk Hogan and the
nWo, he may not be able to compete at Starrcade." Yeah, right Tony. And if he was
injured, why was he on Nitro?
- La Parka knocks Rock senseless with the chair, and before he can go for a pin,
the Chairman gets clocked with his own weapon by Johnny Boy. Grunge gets the pin,
- You know Ihatethe WCW, but this match was the absolute
mosthilariousmatch I've seen in awhile! I laughed my friggin' ass
- Raven's Nest beating up Chris Benoit after a victory over Kidman on Nitro.
- I don't care if there Raven's Flock, Raven's Bunch...or Raven's Gang of
Mid-Carders. I remember the originals (which, by the way, is not a word in Eric's
vocabulary) in the ECW. They were a lot better than this collection.
- Well, the Blue Meanie was there at one point, so maybe they weren't better
- DDP gets jumped by the nWo during his US Title match with Curt Hennig.
- Another Nitro highlight...two weeks late.
- How does the Diamond Cutter hurt more on a belt? The move doesn't have anything
to do with the face hitting the ground.
- Lee Marshall with the Harlem Heat
- Well, look at that, another repeat from the last show!
- Stevie Ray was talking about what he and the "BT Express" can do, and said the
following about Jackie. Stevie Ray: "An' sucka, if ya don't know what dis brings
ta tha table, ya too old fo' me ta tell ya!" First, Grunge's hockey jersey
number, and now this. But nobody's gonna be in any hot water...Eric probably
didn't catch the gist of either.
- By the way, since I got to watch the interview again, the nickname Booker T. gave
Stevie Ray was, "Big Gun" Stevie Ray. I thought Jackie got one, but no.
- "World's Most Stone Cold Dangerous Man" Bill Goldberg takes on Frankie Lancaster
- Hey guys...what about Bill's groin injury? Didn't you say he'd be out of
commission for awhile?
- Speaking of commission, if Lancaster got his pay in that manner for this
match, he'd of made about a good forty cents.
- Dammit, here comes Lee to plug Starrcade. And from what I hear, the tickets are
already sold out.
- Here's a surprise, Bill squashes Li'l Frankie and drops his ass with the
- "The Gentleman" Chris Adams against Tokyo Magnum
- The nickname above did not have any comedic value because it's legit. Unlike the
other stuff in this column....
- I've never seen Adams before, but I read somewhere he was in great shape for
his age. C'mon...he has a Steve Regal gut!
- Tony must have used all of the possible topics of discussion, (with the
exception of the match going on) because he's going over NBA results for the MCI Center.
- In case you didn't know, the MCI Center is where the Washington Wizards
play, and where Starrcade will be held. I learned the latter from the
numerous promos from "Stagger" Lee.
- This may not be funny to you, but it was to me. Chris Adams is "The Gentleman",
and when he planted Magnum with the Superkick, his finisher, and pinned him...it
didn't look very gentleman-like when he stood over a dead-looking Magnum with his
foot on his chest. And he smiled! It's funny because he's happy he may have
- Had to put on my mark helmet for that last sentence.
- Lex Luger is matched up with Alex "Never" Wright
- There's a real hot girl who looks about my age in the upper deck. Wouldn't mind
wrestling with her....
- Man, Alex Wright's music is one of my favorite wrestling themes.
- Bobby yammers on about what Wright must be thinking going into a match with Lex
Luger. I bet he was thinking about how bad those crotch-hugger tights of his look.
- Luger beat that Dancing Nazi in about two minutes. Believe it or not, this wasn't
a squash. In fact, Alex was dominating until Luger hit as shoulder block and then
hooked on the Rack.