WCW Saturday Night - Saturday, 12/6/97
Before I start, I just have to say this, since Sting doesn't *do* Saturdays.
I would pay large quantities of hard-earned money, just to hear Tony Schiavone
say once: "It's Brandon Lee! Brandon Lee has arrived! Oh wait, he fooled
us again, it's just Sting. Brandon really is dead, we've been fooled again."
Again, the show start with the entrance of a wrestler. This is a much better
approach than sitting through five minutes of "How to build a Cyborg Wrestler
in 10 Easy Steps."
Chavo Guerrero, Jr. upsets Rick Fuller with a surprise DDT!
As Fuller enters, one word comes to mind: Sasquatch!
Tony Schiavone has a startling announcement - it's December! Darn, and
here I wasted all that money on one of them new-fangled calendar thingies...
The intelligence overfloweth: Dusty says "People are wonderin' what will
happen to Nitro if Eric does win [the match against Larry at Starrcade]..."
Only those without Internet access, Dusty. The rest of us already know.
Chavo Jobbero, er, Guerrero Jr. arrives, cheered by the fans. Wait, wasn't
this the guy who's uncle was the Gobbledy Gooker several years ago? Shouldn't
he be permanently banned from wrestling for that?
The Guerrero brother can't seem to get Fuller off his feet, despite a pair
of standing dropkicks, but Fuller's big backhand chop sends Chavo right
on his back.
Fuller provides another big backhand chop while Chavo sits on the top turnbuckle.
He then proceeds to toss the smaller man almost three-quarters of the way
across the ring! Impressive!
I do believe this is the 'Hangman'. Fuller has his hands under the chin
of Chavo, and Fuller is hunched over, leaving Guerrero stretched out down
his back, hanging by his throat.
Catching Chavo coming off the ropes, Fuller goes for a powerslam - no...
an Edge? no... An airplane spin... not exactly... he finally ends up just
dropping the man's throat over the top rope, after setting up for four
different moves along the way!
An interesting, unexpected ending - Chavo coming off the ropes, Fuller
catches him and lifts up, either to drop down for a spinebuster or to go
keep going for a backdrop. But Chavo turns and switches it into a DDT!
I had to see the replay to figure out what happened!
I thought this was a new ad for Starrcade, but it turns out to be for a
Sting vs. Hogan T-shirt. Not a bad promo, though.
Tony Schiavone tries to deter me from my reporting duties by threatening
me with a Steiners' match. Sorry, I'm still going to watch this show all
the way through anyway.
Uh-oh. Dusty's on the TV... "Th' nWo (jiggle) is here (jiggle) in force!
(jiggle jiggle)" Sorry, I just can't look at those chins any longer...
Footage of Glacier and Ernest Miller taking on Harlem Heat last week, where
Glacier didn't come in for the save. My roommate (the martial arts instructor)
always complains that these guys practice "Ignore Fu", meaning they have
great offense but never notice anyone coming up from behind.
Chris Jericho over Brad Armstrong with the Lion Tamer.
Brad comes out to music that reminds me of a 'real' song, but I can't place
it. However, Brad is sneering and shaking his head at the crowd, which
makes me think we've got a Mr. Popularity coming out to face him.
Sure enough, Chris Jericho comes out - boy, first DDP's theme sounds like
Nirvana, now Jericho's music sounds like "Evenflow" by Pearl Jam. Too bad
they can't just use commercial music, following in ECW's footsteps.
I just got my pictures back from the Halloween Havoc trip. I got one of
Jericho standing with us, and he has this wacky grin, like he's playing
a trick on us or something. Nice to know he's a good sport. But as Jericho
smiles, it occurs to me he'd make a good wacko, a la Cactus Jack or Mankind,
maybe even Sid-ish.
The two men trade arm drags, Brad comes back with a slap, and Jericho delivers
a huge, very stiff slap across the face! Ow! I bet *that* left a welt!
Brad is yelling at the fallen Jericho. You know, next week Brad will fight
someone like Steve Regal and be all smiles, and very pleasant. Guys that
can work either side like that definitely have talent.
Tony talks about Sting at the very first Clash of the Champions in 1988,
when he battled Ric Flair in the 45 miinute match, and how it really saw
Sting come into his own. That is absolutely true, because that was the
moment I became a Sting fan... for... life!
Okay, this is upsetting. Bad enough they don't talk about the match, but
Dusty proclaims that after all this time, Sting finally gets a meeting
with Hogan. EXCUSE ME! Sting wrestled Hogan on Nitro in November of 1995!
Hogan was a split second away from submitting to the Scorpion Deathlock
when the Dungeon of Doom and the Horsemen ran in and attacked everyone.
Now Tony's doing it, saying this match is almost a decade in the making.
Another occurence of wrestler's amnesia. We're only supposed to remember
what they tell us to remember.
Brad misses a dropkick, Jericho catches his legs, and turns it right over
into the Lion Tamer.
I'm further annoyed with Tony when he called it a LionSault! That's an
Asai moonsault. This is a submission move. Pay attention, Tony.
Another push for Starrcade, this time mentioning Sting will return after
15 months out of action!
I love this commercial - circa 1970, Randy Savage eating a Slim Jim in
gym class. Truly funny.
Another batch of Larry Z/Eazy E footage for Starrcade promoting.
Apparently now, if Larry wins, he gets a shot at Scott Hall in January
during Souled Out 2.
They cut out my favorite part of this situation last week. After Dillon
had Bischoff flustered, Tony says, "Hey, Eric, if you're at a loss for
words, we're announcers, we can give you words: Waaaaaah!"
More Nitro footage (did I sleep through all the matches tonight?) this
time of Iaukea's upset win over Yuji Nagata. I'd be upset too if I got
beat by a flying cross-body block.
Yuji Nagata (with Sonny Onoo) makes La Parka submit to the Nagatalock.
La Parka arrives with a folding chair - he air-guitars
it, then does his La Parka strut, hops around on one foot, then wobbles
his knees. I'm literally laughing out loud.
Nagata makes a heel entrance, the moment broken by posing for a picture
with Onoo. The attitude is "I'm tough, I'm bad, and I can ... CHEESE...
kick your butt!"
The way La Parka displays the chair to the crowd, you'd think it was a
title belt or something. "Winner of the United States chair, La Parka!"
Tony, in all his brilliance, says he hopes Larry, after defeating Eric
Bischoff, will hold Eric up so all of the announcers can slap him.
Hey, Tony - just what do you think the nWo will be doing while you're out
beating up their boss? They would be looking for new jobs unless they get
out there and save his skinny butt!
Some good moves here: La Parka catches Nagata coming out of the corner
with a solid powerslam, but moments later, Yuji executes a solid short
clothesline. La Parka fights back with a very cool spinning back kick -
the man is very flexible!
Okay, here the Nagata-plex. I'm open to suggestions on the real name of
this move - it's like a German or belly-to-back suplex, but he drops La
Parka back on his head instead of his back.
The Chairman Of WCW lands a great clothesline, followed by what Tony calls
"a spinning body attack". Oh, that tells me nothing. How about a corkscrew
senton bodyblock - that's a little more descriptive.
Suddenly, La Parka bails out of the ring to grab his chair. He waits for
a long time and fidgets around to the other side of the ring. Finally,
he lifts the chair overhead, but Sonny conveniently takes it away. The
Nagatalock is slapped on, and La Parka taps out.
Kind of amusing - Onoo displays a 100 peso note, which he places on the
chest of his "poor Spanish friend." Dusty: "That's like fifty cents!"
Yet another valiant attempt to shove Starrcade down my throat. Considering
it's not for another three weeks, it can only get worse.
Mean Gene tells us that a superstar who has been away from the ring will
be returning, and he knows who, when, and where! He can't tell us now...
which means it isn't that important, or it would happen on Nitro. Of course
he could be talking about Bret Hart, Rick Rude, or Rick Martel, none of
which I'm paying $1.59 a minute to hear about.
Disco Inferno over Scott D'Amour with the Chartbuster.
Disco Fever! I remember towards the beginning of the year, DI used to annoy
me, but he grows on you, doesn't he? Like I said before, he'll dance disco,
he'll lose to everyone, he'll clown around - heck, he even gets the ring
Scott D'Amour? Who is this guy?! He crosses his wrists over his head, then
makes a gesture that he's going to break Disco Inferno in half. If I was
DI, I'd be thinking, "Hey pal, I got beat up by a woman, what's the worst
you can do to me?"
Tony has a statement, in case the nWo does somehow win Nitro. "Eric, I
know you'll need a good play-by-play man, because the nWo doesn't have
one. I'm not available." Cute.
A bit of a slow start. So far, the two men are just knocking each other
around with punches and kicks.
Disco lands a sweet fistdrop, falling perfectly, then follows up with a
nice looking elbowdrop!
After a solid forearm shot by Mr. Inferno, we get a brief moment of dancing.
Gotta keep them priorities straight, you know.
D'Amour fights back with a short clothesline - I think we've seen one in
every match so far tonight! Then D'Amour yells some more, crossing his
wrists again. Then I figure it out - D'Amour is a big Saturn mark!
After some mocking of Disco Inferno, including a lame attempt to dance
like him, D'Amour pulls up Inferno, but finds he pushed the man too far
and receives a Chartbuster for his troubles!
Mean Gene manages to haul the Steiners and DiBiase in for an interview.
Gene: "Coming in the back door, I just caught Rick and Scott" - remember,
with big mouth fish, use the bigger hook. (But what to use for bait...)
Scott has a hat pulled down low and looks a lot like Bagwell. But Bagwell
couldn't save him in this interview, Scott fumbles through his lines, finally
getting to something resembling a point.
Gene, to Rick: "And do you concur with your brother's thinking?" Rick:
"I always confer with my brother on this kinda thing!" Gene: "ConCUR!"
Rick: "Concur, thinking, yeah, all that good stuff." Heh.
DiBiase says he can identify with Ray Traylor, about being an ex-nWo member,
and anytime Traylor needs help, he can count on the Steiners. Let's see,
Steiners wrestle later, the main event is Scott Hall vs. Ray Traylor -
this looks obvious.
We are now treated to a classic viganette, the short film by the nWo I
like to think of as "99 ways to punk Diamond Dallas Page."
Scotty Riggs does his best Raven impression, talking about being abandoned
by friends. Hey, pal, you could have joined the nWo as well, the invitation
Public Enemy over the Villanos after a roll-up from behind.
I like the Villanos music - WCW always seems to have good, recognizable
music for their guys. I just wish they didn't try to make up lyrics for
some of them. "Man Called Sting"? "Disco Fever"? "Steinerized"? Try listening
to the words some time - very lame.
Public Enemy brings the table to the ring, or 'plunder' in DustySpeak.
As Rocco comes in for an extreme close-up (no pun intended) I find myself
wishing for a smaller screen.
A commercial break? For a match of this magnitude? Oh, I see, the second
hour is about to start.
Tony describes the Villanos as "often overlooked" but a good tag team.
Tony, I hate to break this to you, but the Villanos are, generally speaking,
When some people meet, they exchange handshakes. These two teams are exchanging
clotheslines all the way around!
DustySpeak adds a new word - "pretzelizin'" As in Larry Zbyszko will be
pretzelizin' Eric Bischoff at Starrcade. Now there's a word I want to use
in my next Scrabble game, especially if I can get those Zs on the bonus
Some cute double kicks and double punches on one of the Villanos. Dusty
is quick to inform us that it isn't full clubberin'. (DustySpeak: Clubberin'
is four fists on one man.)
After a nice double-team top rope move, Dusty chimes in that "as big as
(Public Enemy is), they can do anything!" That is, except get taken seriously.
Johnny Grunge finally gets the hot tag after the Villanos work over Rocco,
cleaning house. But Grunge stops to clap his hands, and gets punked, Villano
One of the Villano's (my TV isn't crisp enough to pick out the numbers,
sorry) accidently clotheslines the other one, Grunge rolls him up from
behind, and it's all over.
Afterward, it's payback time, as Villanos beat on Public Enemy, but the
tides turn with a train wreck. Both of the Luchadores are placed on the
table, side by side, and...
We go to a segment on WCW MotorSports?! What?!
Wait a minute, WCW is censoring a table shot?! Oh gee, I sure am glad I
have someone deciding what is and is not too violent for me to watch. Geez,
just for that, I should watch Die Hard movies instead of WCW programming,
to make sure I get my daily recommend allowance of violence.
Oh, and the racing footage is just highlights of the year, though after
much buildup, they never deliver with the exact finish of their driver
- he wasn't first, but he was in the top three. Typical WCW ending.
Hey, wait - if this is the year-end footage, does this mean we won't have
to see this segment next week?
Some Glacier, Mortis, and Wrath footage - oh wait, sorry, it's just a commercial
for Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.
Okay, this time it's for real. Nitro footage, of Scott Hall smashing up
the hand of the Giant. Which was kind of necessary, if you ask me. They
established that the Giant can take out 5, 7, 8 guys at once. You have
to take him down a bit, or find a legitimate answer to why the Giant isn't
the World Champion.
Juventud Guerrera over Lizmark, Jr. following a 540 splash.
Lizmark, Jr., with his bullet mask and blue cape, makes me think of a generic
superhero. With a cheesy name like Amazing Guy or something like that.
Air Juvy arrives! Apparently, this is one of those random Lucha Libre matches
thrown in for the heck of it.
Dusty actually says, "...but let's talk about Saturday Night for one second."
What a concept! Talking about the show for once!
A wild opening minute of action, with kip-ups, front flips, and wild escapes!
Tony talks about Mortis's mask envy - that is, Mortis wants to be the only
masked wrestler in WCW. Now, if this match was to have Mortis run in and
beat both people up, that would make it truly exciting! (hint hint)
Great powerslam by Lizmark - usually this is done by bigger people who
control the move, but Lizmark kind of went with it, coming off the ground
during the spin, making it look very cool.
Oh my - Juventud went for a suicide dive but almost didn't make it out
to Lizmark - he had to step up and almost catch Juve to keep him from just
falling straight to the concrete!
Back in the ring, Lizzy jumps right up to the top rope to moonsault over
Juventud, landing on his feet. Then he lifts up Juve for a power bomb,
but drops him straight down, face first! Almost like a Michinoku driver,
but having the man land face down instead. Anyone have a name for this?
Heh. Dusty says at Starrcade, Eric will squeal like the pig in Deliverance.
Lizmark finds himself straddling the top rope, and Air Juve strikes with
a spinning dropkick. But Tony calls the finish of this match as a 360.
I guess he can't count high enough.
Dusty doesn't do any better - he calls it a triple somersault. Guys, didn't
you watch Mike Tenay's Luchadore segments a while back?
Another cool segment from the nWo, done in part with Sting and Hogan action
figures. Too funny.
Footage of the Wolfpack getting screwed out of the tag team titles, when
Syxx and Hall got pinned after Larry rushed in to count the pin. Man, that
whole thing was so cheesy.
Steiner Brothers over Disorderly Conduct after a top rope Bulldog.
Plugs for the WCW Magazine. Sorry, I don't like getting two-month old news
delivered to my doorstep.
With one of the DC on his shoulder, Scotty runs him into the corner, leaving
him in "Tree of Woe" position. Then he goes out of the ring to choke the
man. What are these two doing as faces?! They would make great heels!
Disorderly Conduct misses a double clothesline on Scott, but Rick comes
in and gives his own double clothesline!
More Steiner schtick follows - Rick running around barking, etc. Then Rick
mugs for the camera, chewing on the rope and growling. I had this vision
in my head of a rolled-up newspaper, right across his nose. (Bad dog! WHAP!)
There is talk of Hall, Nash, and Hogan, and how the Steiner Brothers don't
duck the top contenders like the nWo does. Oh, Disorderly Conduct is suddenly
a top contender?! Excuse me?! How about seeing the Steiners against Faces
of Fear, or Harlem Heat! Try Lex and the Giant, if you want a real battle!
Rick, again mugging for the camera, tries to look impressive by sitting
on his opponent and bashing him in the head with sideways uppercuts. Except
that at this distance, they look very fake.
The match degenerates, Scott tosses one of DC into the ring steps, and
comes back in for the top rope bulldog on the other. It looked rather sloppy
More Starrcade build-up footage, the bit about Hogan getting ticked off
about all the Sting masks. He says he'll take us all on. I think back to
Havoc, and the size of the crowd. We can take him... okay Hogan, we accept
- WCW fans against you. 8,000 vs. 1. If you win, you deserve that belt,
Yet more Nitro footage. Raven, er, Kidman taking on Benoit. And the post
match beating of the former Horsemanm, while Sign Guy Skank holds a sign
that says "Fear Us."
Chris Benoit wins over Bobby Blaze with the Crippler Crossface.
Bobby Blaze enters, and he is very much booed. So who is he ....
Benoit! Yes! I truly believe (back me up on this one, Bill) that Benoit
could be the next Ric Flair or Arn Anderson!
For some unknown reason, the ref (not Nick Patrick) holds the Crippler
back, so Blaze can get some cheap shots in, working up to a catapult under
the bottom rope. I suspect Blaze must have missed his cue.
Benoit fights back with kicks and chops, I love it! He makes it look so
That reminds me - I also got a picture with Benoit from Vegas. With myself
and my roommate on either side, Benoit actually looks intimidated, I kid
Sleeperhold on Benoit, and a back suplex to get out of it. Chris actually
makes it look like he had to put forth an effort to execute that suplex,
too - great work.
Benoit to the top rope! Yes! Aaaaaaaaah (crunch) You just have to love
the way he does that top rope flying headbutt.
I realize something as Benoit gets a tap-out from Blaze. Bobby Blaze used
some flashier moves, while Benoit stuck to basic. But Benoit's moves impressed
me more, with being so crisp and well-executed.
More of the same junk for Sting vs. Hogan at Starrcade. Back off, guys!
Coming back from commercial, there's yet *another* Starrcade plug! Stop
Gene says almost exactly the same thing he said when he plugged his hotline
an hour ago.
Ray Traylor beats Scott Hall with the Spike Slam ... or not.
Hall comes out with his very cool sideways strut, a Syxx-ball shirt, and
the nWo tag team belt on.
How DOES he get that one piece of hair to stay in his forehead?!
Playing his nWo cheerleader/kindgarten teacher role, Hall informs us that
this show is brought to us by the letters n, w, and o, and the number 2
Hall: "The nWo.. is *it*, cuz me and my crew - we're the shhh...bomb."
He then talks about the announcers needing to show some recognition. Tony
is a WCW yes-man, Dusty must be a little bit proud of Hall, but Larry ...
well, Larry's "best day" was 15 years ago. (I thought it was 10?)
"Now get that hillbilly out here. What's his name again? Oh yeah, me and
Hollywood spray-painted it on his back a while ago. Ray...? Ray Traylor?
Traylor Trash? Ray Traylor Trash?"
The brawl starts right away, but after a big boot from Traylor, Hall bails
out of the ring.
After stalling for a bit, Hall comes in to catch the big man off-guard
with kicks, and wrenching the arm.
Dusty says he's Hall talking about Dusty getting him started is a taboo
(like the WWF hasn't been breaking way more kayfabe than that) but while
Dusty is a bit proud of Hall, he's not proud of his actions - Hall was
taught better than that.
Traylor slaps Hall like the Bischoff he is, then goes to a hammerlock.
Hall maneuvers to the ropes for the break, catching the big man with a
back elbow, following up with some kicks and a boot choke.
Oh no, Nick Patrick is the referee here? Screwjob en route...
Traylor whips Hall into the corner, but runs into Hall's shoe and gets
taken down by a second-rope bulldog for a two-count.
Hall puts on a sleeperhold, and after a few seconds, Traylor elbows out
of it for a sleeperhold of his own, which the Outsider truly sells, breaking
out with a back suplex.
Both men are down, and Patrick takes the 10-count to 9 before Hall crawls
over to put an arm on Traylor, but only gets two for the pin attempt.
Traylor blocks punches from Hall, delivering punches of his own, including
a big wind-up shot! Then Hall tries to crawl out of the ring, and Traylor
slides out of the ring to deliver a big uppercut!
Ray climbs between the ropes while trying to give a thumb across the throat,
but he trips over the rope. Don't try to walk and chew gum, buddy.
It's the Spike Slam, and Traylor pins Hall! One! Two! Three?! No way -
I am honestly surprised!
All of the sudden (wink wink nudge nudge) Patrick notices Hall's foot was
on the ropes, and says the pinfall doesn't count. Curt Hennig arrives and
attacks Traylor, but Ray gets the better of him, placing him up on the
corner for a reverse suplex, but Hall catches him in an Edge.
And now... the show ends?!
I must say, I am always disappointed in a show that teases but doesn't
deliver. Nitro billed this show as having Glacier vs. Ernest Miller, which
didn't happen. I got robbed of a Public Enemy table shot. And no Steiner
save on Ray Traylor. "Why can't you be more like your big brother, Nitro!"
Overall, a pretty good show though. See you next week!